Why?_October 9, 1998

Why did you do this to me?
Why did you make me feel so hurt?
Why did you make me feel so bad about myself?
You called me a brat, you treated me that way,
And that's what I grew up to be.
You yell at me now, for being a brat,
But that's how you raised me.
If you want to yell at someone for the way I am,
Yell at yourself, you made me this way.
Why did you act so mad and depressed when I failed to get an "A",
And got a "B" instead?
Why did you yell and scream so much,
When all I wanted to do was go to a friend's birthday party?
Sure, I left without telling,
But I was 5 years old.
Why don't you like me for who I am,
Instead of who you want me to be?
Why do you try to change me?
Accept me for who I am, please.
That's what I ask, accept me.
Then you can begin to like me,
And not try to change me.
I am me, and I have learned to forget
What you say, how you make me feel.
I have forgotten what you go on and on about.
I understand that what you, or anyone else, thinks
Is not important.
What's important is what I think about myself.
I used to think I was fat and ugly,
Because that's what you told me.
I listened to you, and trusted you,
And you betrayed me.
And that trust I had in you is gone.
I try to rebuild it, but then you start to yell again,
About something I can't even remember now.
You scream at me again, about the tiniest little thing,
And the trust shatters, like broken glass.
You insult me again,
And the look I give has a bad affect.
You act like it's me insulting you,
And you began to yell again.
You yell at me, not to look at you that way,
When all the look meant was "Why?"
A look of sadness I flash you,
But you don't care.
Why? You don't care, I understand that, but why don't you care?
Am I so low in your life?
Do you think you are so much better?
Either way it doesn't really matter anymore.
I have learned to tune you out, your thoughts about me.
I've forgotten all your insults, & my feelings of hurt.
I am me and no matter what you say,
I know I am okay.
And my spirit carries me high above the hurt you feed me,
Higher that your own spirit carries you,
Because I am going to brake the circle of hurt.
My own children will never have to try and rebuild lost trust with their mother,
And their spirits will soar higher even then my own,
Because they will never have had to deal with a mom that didn't care.