Colleen stood atop a cliff that overlooked a dense forest below it.
The trees writhed and swayed in the wind, moving like the waves of the sea.
Decision day had come.
Today Colleen would make a choice that would change everything in her life: whether or not to die. A realization had been forced upon her today, one that plunged mind into the very depths of itself. It had been a defense mechanism all her life, to simply shut down the part of her mind that was thinking about whatever was bothering, but today it all crashed down upon with such force that all she could do now was decide.
Today she had been in a crowd in the city, about to walk across the street when, without prompt, a though struck her. She was alone. All around her people walked together, laughing, joking, talking about their families and problems. She had none of that.
For minutes Colleen had stood there and stared as people passed her by, not even noticing her as they did so. It should not have been the shock that it was, for all her life she had been alone. Parents she had, but she didn't share with them what others shared with their parents.
Her house was cold. It didn't have any of the warm feeling that was usually associated with a home. Her father was always away and her mother despised her. Her mother had often tried to rid herself of Colleen, but her father wouldn't succumb to her mother's wishes so easily.
Colleen had no close friends to speak of. Sure, she had the kind of friends that you talk to about the weather, but none that she could share anything of a personal nature with.
She had stood there, in the street, for minutes before she realized that she had done so and was only brought out of her reverie when someone had bumped into her and told her to "Watch it!"
After that Colleen had gone home and sat in her room simply staring at the walls. She had so many material things. There were movies, posters, books, trinkets, and a pet fish, but of all of this, none of it mattered. What were material things? Although she may not wish to part with some of them they could be sold, or lost in a fire, and after getting over the initial dislike of that possibility she realized one thing. None of these things mattered.
If everything was taken from her she would only be left with herself and if she were stripped of all of her possessions then she would only have herself. That single thought had brought her world crashing down around her. She would only have herself.
Other people might be satisfied with this epiphany, but it caused fear to rip at Colleen's heart. What made up her? She was a hollow shell of a human being who had never known love, affection, or even friendship.
She could have had all of those, but Colleen was afraid. She had trusted someone once, and it had cost her. She had been twelve at the time. Her best friend, Sam, had just gotten a boyfriend named Brad. Colleen, trying to be friends with the boy, who was sixteen at the time, had talked to him often. After a few months they had become close friends.
Brad told Colleen that she could trust him with anything, and she believed him. That was where she had gone wrong. Because she was not close to her parents, she felt that she could not share with them her largest secret. After months of debating with herself Colleen decided that she needed to tell someone her biggest secret, and since she was close to Brad, she decided to tell him.
Her mother had opposed her going to Brad's house. She said that something could happen or that he might try something, but Colleen had assured her mother that Brad would never do such a thing, and after much debate, her mother had let her go.
When she got to Brad's house she shared with him her darkest secret: she had been molested when she was four years old. After having to tell him such a thing she had begun to cry. Brad, being the friend that he was, put his arm around her and attempted to comfort her and Colleen, needing it, had leaned into him and cried.
After her tears had subsided, and she had a clearer state of mind, Colleen noticed that Brad's hand was on her breast. She had pulled away, asking him what he was doing, but she didn't have the chance to ask anything else.
Before she could react, Brad pushed her back and had her pinned to the ground, his knees holding her legs, and his hands holding her arms. She struggled, but she was only twelve, and his sixteen years of growing and developing muscles showed.
At last, when she finally believed that he was not joking, she had screamed. It was then that things got worse. When she had come to his house she had not known that he already had a friend, Tom, over. At hearing her scream Tom had run up the stairs from Brad's basement bedroom to see what was going on.
Colleen had looked upon him with relief, for surely he would not let Brad do anything to her. Colleen had been wrong. When Tom saw what was going on he smiled and walked over to her, holding her down while Brad undressed.
Then Brad had raped her. When he was done he left her in his house, on the floor, bleeding. She had redressed and walked out in a daze. It was raining and by the time she got home she was soaked.
She never told anyone. Her physical wounds had healed quickly enough, but the wounds within her had been left to fester. Now they had eaten her from the inside out.
Tears fell down her cheeks as she stood upon the cliff. She could still remember the horrible sound of his grunted pleasure.
Would suicide really be so bad? It would certainly be better than living her life in constant dread of the next day. By night, dreams haunted her, and by day, she was forced to put a smile on her face and act like everything was okay. Everything was not okay.
The torment of what had happened to her had eaten away her insides and now she was hollow. Colleen was alone. No one could save her, and worse yet: no one wanted to.
A choked sob escaped from her throat and she collapsed to her knees, bowing her head and burying it in her hands.
She could jump now and end it all. If she did it then she would never have to face the torture of life again.
The suffering never stopped in this capricious sport that people had the nerve to call life.
The indecision was killing her. Colleen beat her fists on the ground and let out a scream that broke into sobs and echoed through the trees below. Peace would never come. She had to do this if she wanted to change the way her life was going.
If she were to choose life then the only way to deal with it and to protect herself would be to shut off her mind, to kill the very thing that was her. Colleen had tried that before, tried to shut it out of her mind, to not think about it, but that never worked for long.
Just when she would think that she was getting better she would have the dream that reminded her of that day.
Raising her head, Colleen held onto the grass beneath her and let out the most torture filled scream one could hear. As the scream died in her throat all expression left her face.
She knew what she had to do. There was no decision to it, really. Colleen stood on shaky legs and walked forward, looking over the edge of the drop off. Here she stood, alone, at the edge of a forest, the wind playing with the ends of her hair.
It could not go on. It would not. Colleen looked up at the sky. The sun was setting, the day was over, her life was as complete as it ever would be.
The last rays of the sun stretched across the tops of the trees below her, holding onto them with all their might, not willing to let go and disappear behind the horizon. A brilliant red filled the sky. It was the perfect color for today.
Here she stood on a cliff, twelve years old on the inside, alone and bleeding. But this was not a physical would that would stop the bleeding as it healed. This was a wound of the mind, and the blood would never stop.
Colleen looked back down at the forest. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. It would all be over soon. Even as she smiled, tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. It would all be over.
She spread her arms and looked down again. This was it. The wind lifted her hair as she leaned forward and began the final fall. She had been to the point of absolute break; she would never go there again.
Colleen fell through the air, her arms spread, her hair fluttering around her. She closed her eyes and just felt the wind rush over her. It would be over in mere seconds. Nobody would find her body. Nobody would look for her.
The rays of sun that stretched over the trees had spread to the cliff, painting it a brilliant maroon. They reached out almost as though to catch her, but she fell through them. The ground rushed up to greet her in her death and as she hit the ground she was vaguely aware of a cracking sound, and then the pain was gone. She would never feel pain again. Colleen was seventeen.
A/N: Please review! I would really like to know what you all think!
Today Colleen would make a choice that would change everything in her life: whether or not to die. A realization had been forced upon her today, one that plunged mind into the very depths of itself. It had been a defense mechanism all her life, to simply shut down the part of her mind that was thinking about whatever was bothering, but today it all crashed down upon with such force that all she could do now was decide.
Today she had been in a crowd in the city, about to walk across the street when, without prompt, a though struck her. She was alone. All around her people walked together, laughing, joking, talking about their families and problems. She had none of that.
For minutes Colleen had stood there and stared as people passed her by, not even noticing her as they did so. It should not have been the shock that it was, for all her life she had been alone. Parents she had, but she didn't share with them what others shared with their parents.
Her house was cold. It didn't have any of the warm feeling that was usually associated with a home. Her father was always away and her mother despised her. Her mother had often tried to rid herself of Colleen, but her father wouldn't succumb to her mother's wishes so easily.
Colleen had no close friends to speak of. Sure, she had the kind of friends that you talk to about the weather, but none that she could share anything of a personal nature with.
She had stood there, in the street, for minutes before she realized that she had done so and was only brought out of her reverie when someone had bumped into her and told her to "Watch it!"
After that Colleen had gone home and sat in her room simply staring at the walls. She had so many material things. There were movies, posters, books, trinkets, and a pet fish, but of all of this, none of it mattered. What were material things? Although she may not wish to part with some of them they could be sold, or lost in a fire, and after getting over the initial dislike of that possibility she realized one thing. None of these things mattered.
If everything was taken from her she would only be left with herself and if she were stripped of all of her possessions then she would only have herself. That single thought had brought her world crashing down around her. She would only have herself.
Other people might be satisfied with this epiphany, but it caused fear to rip at Colleen's heart. What made up her? She was a hollow shell of a human being who had never known love, affection, or even friendship.
She could have had all of those, but Colleen was afraid. She had trusted someone once, and it had cost her. She had been twelve at the time. Her best friend, Sam, had just gotten a boyfriend named Brad. Colleen, trying to be friends with the boy, who was sixteen at the time, had talked to him often. After a few months they had become close friends.
Brad told Colleen that she could trust him with anything, and she believed him. That was where she had gone wrong. Because she was not close to her parents, she felt that she could not share with them her largest secret. After months of debating with herself Colleen decided that she needed to tell someone her biggest secret, and since she was close to Brad, she decided to tell him.
Her mother had opposed her going to Brad's house. She said that something could happen or that he might try something, but Colleen had assured her mother that Brad would never do such a thing, and after much debate, her mother had let her go.
When she got to Brad's house she shared with him her darkest secret: she had been molested when she was four years old. After having to tell him such a thing she had begun to cry. Brad, being the friend that he was, put his arm around her and attempted to comfort her and Colleen, needing it, had leaned into him and cried.
After her tears had subsided, and she had a clearer state of mind, Colleen noticed that Brad's hand was on her breast. She had pulled away, asking him what he was doing, but she didn't have the chance to ask anything else.
Before she could react, Brad pushed her back and had her pinned to the ground, his knees holding her legs, and his hands holding her arms. She struggled, but she was only twelve, and his sixteen years of growing and developing muscles showed.
At last, when she finally believed that he was not joking, she had screamed. It was then that things got worse. When she had come to his house she had not known that he already had a friend, Tom, over. At hearing her scream Tom had run up the stairs from Brad's basement bedroom to see what was going on.
Colleen had looked upon him with relief, for surely he would not let Brad do anything to her. Colleen had been wrong. When Tom saw what was going on he smiled and walked over to her, holding her down while Brad undressed.
Then Brad had raped her. When he was done he left her in his house, on the floor, bleeding. She had redressed and walked out in a daze. It was raining and by the time she got home she was soaked.
She never told anyone. Her physical wounds had healed quickly enough, but the wounds within her had been left to fester. Now they had eaten her from the inside out.
Tears fell down her cheeks as she stood upon the cliff. She could still remember the horrible sound of his grunted pleasure.
Would suicide really be so bad? It would certainly be better than living her life in constant dread of the next day. By night, dreams haunted her, and by day, she was forced to put a smile on her face and act like everything was okay. Everything was not okay.
The torment of what had happened to her had eaten away her insides and now she was hollow. Colleen was alone. No one could save her, and worse yet: no one wanted to.
A choked sob escaped from her throat and she collapsed to her knees, bowing her head and burying it in her hands.
She could jump now and end it all. If she did it then she would never have to face the torture of life again.
The suffering never stopped in this capricious sport that people had the nerve to call life.
The indecision was killing her. Colleen beat her fists on the ground and let out a scream that broke into sobs and echoed through the trees below. Peace would never come. She had to do this if she wanted to change the way her life was going.
If she were to choose life then the only way to deal with it and to protect herself would be to shut off her mind, to kill the very thing that was her. Colleen had tried that before, tried to shut it out of her mind, to not think about it, but that never worked for long.
Just when she would think that she was getting better she would have the dream that reminded her of that day.
Raising her head, Colleen held onto the grass beneath her and let out the most torture filled scream one could hear. As the scream died in her throat all expression left her face.
She knew what she had to do. There was no decision to it, really. Colleen stood on shaky legs and walked forward, looking over the edge of the drop off. Here she stood, alone, at the edge of a forest, the wind playing with the ends of her hair.
It could not go on. It would not. Colleen looked up at the sky. The sun was setting, the day was over, her life was as complete as it ever would be.
The last rays of the sun stretched across the tops of the trees below her, holding onto them with all their might, not willing to let go and disappear behind the horizon. A brilliant red filled the sky. It was the perfect color for today.
Here she stood on a cliff, twelve years old on the inside, alone and bleeding. But this was not a physical would that would stop the bleeding as it healed. This was a wound of the mind, and the blood would never stop.
Colleen looked back down at the forest. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. It would all be over soon. Even as she smiled, tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. It would all be over.
She spread her arms and looked down again. This was it. The wind lifted her hair as she leaned forward and began the final fall. She had been to the point of absolute break; she would never go there again.
Colleen fell through the air, her arms spread, her hair fluttering around her. She closed her eyes and just felt the wind rush over her. It would be over in mere seconds. Nobody would find her body. Nobody would look for her.
The rays of sun that stretched over the trees had spread to the cliff, painting it a brilliant maroon. They reached out almost as though to catch her, but she fell through them. The ground rushed up to greet her in her death and as she hit the ground she was vaguely aware of a cracking sound, and then the pain was gone. She would never feel pain again. Colleen was seventeen.
A/N: Please review! I would really like to know what you all think!