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Just to feel, I'm over it

"I don't think I should go." I replied with a bitter smile. "Why not?" my best friend Amy replied, "is it because of ..." "Yeah. I guess." I said to her and frowned. "You could avoid him. Please go. You're my best mate and well... please?" she begged. "I can't I just can't. After all it's his party. HIS! You hear me? We can't possible avoid him." I said and looked desperate. I really didn't want to go. It's been so long ago that I've seen him and the way we parted was just nasty. "You can't ignore him forever. I'm dating his best friend and you dated him once." Amy said with know it all voice. I raised my eyebrows and said: "Well.. I haven't seen him for three years now. I don't see why I should see him again. There's absolutely no point into that." "Yes well it doesn't matter then if you go or not. It's just the party of the year and you refuse to go. I can't believe that.. You shouldn't be so scared of meeting him again you know. I'm sure he has changed." She said with a sign. "So maybe he is. It's just the fact that maybe I can't handle it. Maybe I don't want to handle it. I'm tired of him; I still am...I don't care for him." "You're sure? Because last night you did put on their disc and you listened to that song for hours. His song." Amy looked at me and bit on her lip. "Please? For me. You don't have to see him. But just go. I don't want you to miss it." I looked back at her and realised I lost the argument. "Alright I'll go." Amy smiled content and walked away. "And I am over him." I said before walking into my room, but muttered an after thought: "At least I think I am."

"Wow. It's crowded here." I said frowning and we walked further into the big room. Amy nodded and looked around. "Look, there's Danny. I'll be right back alright?" she asked and without even waiting for my reply she walked towards her boyfriend. I decided to go the other way. Experience learnt me that where ever Danny was, James would be there. As the time went by I started to enjoy myself. Amy was right. The party was big enough to avoid everyone you didn't want to see. After an hour or two I had enough of dancing and I went to look for Amy. I found her and Danny on one of the couches snogging each other senseless and I decided to leave them around. I went out on the big balcony and stared to the stars. "Long time no see." I heard suddenly behind me. "James." I said not even turning around. I would recognise his voice anywhere. "Alexa." He replied back. An uncomfortable silence reached us and we didn't speak to each other. Suddenly he asked: "How have you been?" "Quite good." We fell into a silence again. Then I turned around and looked at him. I stared at him for a couple of seconds and said: "I have to go." I was about to go back inside when he grabbed my arm and whispered: "I'm sorry. I really am." I looked at him with disbelieve. "But I'm not." He looked me in the eyes and said again: "I'm sorry for what I did. I was a bastard then. I shouldn't have walked away then. I should have stayed and be there for you. How can I make it up?" My eyes turned cold when he said it. Somehow those words that I've longed to hear so long ago didn't have any effect on me what so ever. I realised that I actually did move on. I just nodded and then I said politely to him: "Let me go please." He let me go and looked at me questioning. "You know what James. It's my turn to walk away. Remember your words. I let go in every way, because I don't need you. You're right, but now it's my turn to say. I've given up on you a long time ago. I just realise it now: Thanks James for making me realise that I'm so much more than anybody could think off. Goodbye James. Conversation's over." I finally said and turned my back and walked into the crowd in the big room. But what I didn't saw then that he was looking at me with a sense of respect. We both moved on, without even knowing it.