I closed my eyes at the developing scene during that car ride home today. I wanted to close my ears too, but did not want to abandon my friend in this crisis that had befallen her. Or rather her sister, who was between a state of half self-pity and half utter rage.

And there I sat as I listened to the intense dispute.

"What were you thinking when you told her that I wasn't there to pick you up? What the fuck were you thinking?! I'm going to get in so much trouble; I'm so fucking scared right now. I didn't even do anything and now I'm going to get in trouble. Fuck this Fuck this ."

As her sister continued her rant, my friend looked at the floor of the car, which was littered with old tests, and empty packs of cigarettes. I heard her muttering some apologies and shift a bit in her seat, but beyond that, she looked totally and utterly miserable and lost in her own self-pity.

The driver of the car was smoking a cigarette as well as my friend's sister, and was listening to the dramatic tones of her tirade. She just stared out at the road, seeming unmoved by the situation at hand. I watched her mechanically nod her head at the right parts and say, "Yea, I know that sucks," or " I can't believe this." Her voice carried a monotone response every time as if this was not a perilous plight at all.

Me, on the other hand, seemed to be the only one dazed about the whole ordeal. Sitting in the back seat with your friend thinking it was her fault her pot-smoking sister was going to get caught, was not my ideal beginning of my Thanksgiving holiday. My eyes were most likely widened to the point where my eyeballs could have fallen out of my head, and I was surprised my jaw hadn't unlatched yet. I managed to try and give some comfort to my despondent friend without much luck. She just muttered, "It's my fault, I shouldn't have told my mom this much. She's going to make her take a drug test now." While she said this, her sister lit up another smoke, and continued her outrage.

"I cannot believe this, she's making me take a fucking drug test. What the fuck am I going to do!?" She dialed all of her friends on her cell phone, asking them for advice which none could provide. Frustrated and scared, I could tell she was on the brink of tears.

As we drove back to get her car from where she had been staying instead of going to school, I bit my lip to keep my opinions of the matter from bursting out into the already tense atmosphere. I don't think it could have been any more chaotic aura in the car then there was. Plus, I knew it would cause a fight between my friend and me. She is loyal to her sister, but she is blinded by that loyalty. Keeping my mouth shut at the moment seemed a wise decision.

When we finally got her car, and started to drive back to their house, they started to make plans on what to tell their mother. " I could pee in the cup for you if she buys one at the store," my friend offered, trying to make up for the damage she "caused."

"What if she makes me do it there, at the doctor's office?" her sister countered. And this continued until they had figured out some sort of resolve to convince their mother that she didn't need a drug test.

Meanwhile, I sat in my seat, quite uncomfortable with the whole "covering- up" scheme. As if she knew what I was thinking, my friend turned to me and said, "You better not tell anyone anything that goes down in here. I will seriously kill you." A bit shocked at this statement, I managed some sort of promise, and gazed out at my window thinking of the conflict within my head.

Right or wrong.wrong or right.

*

It turned out that my friend's sister did not get in trouble and did not have to take the drug test her mom had said she would give her. I saw the relief flood into both pairs of eyes, but I knew my own held worry and fear.

Was I just to let this go? Just let everything in the past hour be forgotten? One minute the world seemed to be in sheer pandemonium, yet now calmness seeps into the once troubled minds. But not mine.

Why shouldn't I speak of what I heard in that car? The only reason is my promise. What I write here does not even contain half of what happened. The only reason I don't write everything I wish is because of my promise to my friend. How can I let something like this go? I want to remain a trustworthy and loyal friend, but at what cost? Her sister's life?

But when her sister and I were upstairs listening to my friend's false testimony, I felt arms around me. I stiffened in shock to see a girl, two years my senior coming to me for comfort. My heart practically tore from the sight of a girl who had tormented her younger sister as long as I can remember. And here she was, crying to me, asking me what to do.

Me.

I am going to be silent for now, but I do not know for how long. How can some things seem to be catastrophic one minute, and then as soon as someone gets their way, be fine the next? I am so confused at my morals, my ideals, everything I stand for.

What do I stand for? And if I don't stand for anything.who am I?

Who am I?