(solitary unraveling)

the sky lurches again
all i want is to smear my face on
your cheeks
and whisper nothing about a
love like painkillers

but makes this soul ache like
nothing else

i want to stare at your hands
and count the wrinkles in the bruised night
press my fingers against your lips
and walk with you
between the raindrops
i want you to kiss and wipe away
my
white-hot memories
with your calloused thumb
(and murmur everything's okay)
i want to watch you watch me
and find the purple in your
all-too-brown-eyes.

i want to faintly remember breathing on

your bedroom floor
and close my eyes to the sound of your heartbeat

...i want you to be the laughter i so desperately need
in my self-medicated silence

i want to be your scarred addiction.

but all my wanting can't put me in
your arms

you're not here - - -
and my tears are soaking spider webs into my pillow because
i don't think anyone can hear me (whimper) at night

and there's nothing around me but blankets that i
desperately wish smelled likeyou.

i sadly pretend that the tears that are running
down my cheeks are actually
your fingertips following the curves of my face

as i slowly drift into sleep.