Summary: This is just a little parody of Cinderella

Summary: This is just a little parody of Cinderella. Thanks for the great idea Witch 13itch!

If you wish to use this on another sit or 'borrow' a character, email me first at: [email protected]

Enjoy!

Marianna sat down in frustration. She wasn't in the mood today, she really wasn't. In the background, she heard her step mother yell, "Get to work Maria! The fire place isn't gonna clean itself!"

Maria scowled and cursed but went back to cleaning. As soon as she was done, she was going to kickboxing practice and that was that. Her "family" could scrub the rest of the fireplace themselves.

Marianna was an orphaned girl who lived with her stepsister Jann and her stepmother Carla. Her father ran off when she was very young, she barely remembered him. Her stepfamily was no better. Since her father ran off, they belittled her and chastised her for the smallest of reasons. It was enough to make her scream, if she wasn't afraid of getting a beating for doing so.

Maria finished her job and stood, cracking her back and flexing her wrists. She was pretty sure the fireplace didn't need cleaning. After all, she did clean it yesterday! And the day before that...

Jann walked by and snorted. "You call that clean?"

Maria made a fist. "I'd like to see you clean it, you fat twerp.."

Jann was a little over weight...oh, who am I kidding? She was a fat slob. And a lazy one at that.

Jan was about to open her mouth to reply, when the door chimed. Maria made a face at the bloated girl and went to go get it.

***

The little man waited outside in the harsh cold and hoped someone would open the door soon. He looked around. What a dump! The windows were filthy, the steps were unkept, and a dead cat was in the driveway!

The door opened and a brunette looked out.

"Good evening ma'am!" The castle servant said chipperly.

"What's so good about it?" The woman shot back. She didnt look any older than nineteen. She had ashes smeared on her face and her eyes dared him to say something else.

He handed her the paper he was holding. "The Prince is holding a ball, and all the young ladies are to attend." He beamed. "He's to select a wife that night!"

"Young ladies?" Maria cocked an eyebrow. "Is this prince a cradle robber or something?"

The servant scoffed. "Not THAT young. Just young." But Maria had already closed the door.

So much for hospitality.. The servant thought as he trooped through the snow, back to the waiting carriage.

***

"Who was it, dear?" Carla asked as Maria tossed a piece of paper on the table.

"Some guy...I didn't get his name..."

Jann looked up from her ham sandwich. "Was he cute?" The blonde asked.

Maria grumbled something about a ball for a cradle robber and walked off. Jann squealed. Carla winced.

"A BALL?!?! This is so great! The prince! Oh my! I bet you he will love me most of all!!" Jann ran up the stairs, yipping and yelling in excitement. Carla smiled.

"My Jann is so beautiful. I'm sure the prince will chose her!" Carla beamed.

"And what color is the sky in your world?" Maria muttered.

"I heard that! And don't worry, Cinderella," She sneered, "You won't be around to see it. You'll be staying right here where you belong!"

Maria looked up at her, "I really wish you'd stop calling me that..."

***

Maria looked from her science text to see Jann running around the house, babbling.

"Today is the day! The prince! The prince!"

Maria tried to concentrate on her studies. "Put a sock in it, Moby Dick! I'm trying to read!"

Jann put down her cookie and glared. "I'll have you know that I have low metabolism!" Tears came to her eyes.

Maria just waved her away. As soon as Jann and Carla were at that ball, she could have a little time to herself.

Jann was in a big dress. She looked like she was wearing a cross between a muumuu and a nightgown. She was twirling it around, trying to be as elegant as her body would allow.

Maria picked up a lamp that Jann knocked over in her attempt at daintiness. "When is this shin-dig anyway?"

"Very soon!" Jann grabbed Maria's hands and tried to dance with her. "I'm going to dance with the prince! Oh joy!"

"Ummm...yeah!" Maria said, pulling away from her elder stepsibling.

Carla ran down the stairs, her black dress billowing out behind her like the wings of a bat. The dress seemed to emphasize her thinness and how fragile she was. "Ready to go?" She asked her daughter. The pudgy one nodded so hard Maria was certain her head was going to fall off.

As soon as Jann was out the door, Carla turned to Maria and said, "I want this place spotless upon our return. If I see one speck of dust you wont live to see tomorrow." Her eyes narrowed, "I mean it, Cinderella."

Maria sighed. "It's 'Maria' and the place is already clean!" She gritted her teeth; "You can eat steak off this floor."

But Carla wasn't listening. She was already out the door.

Maria watched them go through the frost dusted windows. She couldn't hide her envy. She didn't even know why she was jealous! She just was.

The orphan sat down and looked at her textbook. She was going to be a doctor someday. Someday...

"Why are you inside little one?"

Maria grabbed a kitchen knife and pointed it at the intruder. "How did you get in here?"

"Whoa!" The man held up his arms in a sign of peace. "I'm here to help. And that's a fine how-do-you-do, pointing knives at fairy men! Sheesh!"

"You got the fairy part down pat." Maria spat, still holding the knife with an iron grip.

"And now the insults!" The man was tall and blonde with blue eyes and dragonfly wings. He didn't look scared in the least.

"Who are you?" Maria asked, lowering her knife.

"All the godmothers were booked. The weather was so bad, yours cancelled." The man smiled. "I'm Cal! Your substitute miracle worker!"

"Oh joy.." Maria said sarcastically, going back her text. Maybe if she ignored him he'd go away.

Cal walked up to her. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Reading."

"Oh. That sucks. Wanna go to the ball?"

"Why?" Maria asked, struggling to ignore him. "It's just a big room full of ditzes who are deathly afraid someone will show up with the same dress." She thought of Jann's muumuu and giggled.

"It'll be fun!" He flicked his fingers and the house become spotless. "All your chores are done! Lets go!"

"If I go," Maria asked, "Will you get off my case?"

"Sure! It's all good!" He smiled again. His smile wasn't all that bad, Maria thought. "I get a commission for every miracle I perform so it all works out." He narrowed his eyes. "You didn't mean what you said about the fairy men thing, did you? Cuz I'm really sensitive about that..."

"No." She smiled. "I was joking...I'm a little sarcastic, you know?"

"I never noticed." He clapped his hands together and looked about the room. "What's your favorite color?"

"Blue I guess.." She replied, confused.

"And your shoe size?"

"Nine."

"Nine? Really?" He looked outside. "Crap...it's snowing.."

"I know THAT." Maria folded her arms across her chest.

"Its just that I need a pumpkin or something to make a coach..." Cal said, rubbing his chin in deep thought.

"I have some canned peas.."

"Not gonna work..." Cal walked over the fridge and rooted around in it. "Would you mind riding in a bottle of Cheese Whiz?" He set it aside. "Or how about some cucumbers?"

Maria gagged. "Eww yuck! I'll take the Cheese Whiz!"

"It tastes great on toast." Cal said to himself, setting the jar on the table. "Now for a dress...and perhaps a coach man or two. Do you have any mice or cockroaches?"

Maria shook her head. Like she was getting down on her hands and knees to catch cockroaches! She did enough of that today. (Her stepmother could be so cruel...and cheap! She wouldn't even call an exterminator!)

"Then I guess you're walkin'" Cal replied.

"I have some of those plastic army men.."

Cal's eyes lit up. "Why didn't you say so! Go get them! And go get a dress too!"

Maria arrived a few minutes later with her only dress and a box of green plastic men.

"This is good!" The fairy smiled. "Now all I gotta do is cast the spell!" He whispered some magic words and the bottle of cheese whiz disappeared, along with some of the army men.

Maria looked down at her dress. It wasn't ratty and tattered anymore; it was beautiful! She gasped. A dress like this was worth more than the house she was standing in.

"It's wonderful." Maria smiled, admiring the blue silk. Cal whistled.

"Nice." He said, raising and lowering his eyebrows.

Maria blushed. "Where's the cheese?"

"Outside, waiting for you." He smiled but his smile faded. "But you need a horse to pull it...Do you have any animals?"

"Just a dead cat out in the driveway..."

Cal snapped his fingers and whispered another spell. "Not anymore. Your dead cat is now your horse."

"I don't know what to think about that..." Maria said. It was kind of disgusting.

But Cal was already pushing her out the door. "Then don't think about it! Go have fun and be back by midnight!"

"Why?" Maria said as she pushed out into the cold winter air.

"It all breaks down after midnight. Don't ask me why, just go!"

"OK, OK!" Maria yelled as she hopped into the coach. She set her watch to warn her when midnight rolled around.

***

Maria watched the scenery go by inside the jar-turned-coach. It smelled faintly of cheese. One of the army men was talking to her.

"You going drinkin' tonight, miss?" The side effect of the spell was that the army men still looked like army men, only bigger and more talkative.

"Yeah, I guess. I dunno.." She saw a snowed in carriage at the side of the road. "Stop! That person's stuck! We have to help them out...unless its Carla's carriage.."

Mittens (the dead cat) stopped and Maria hopped out, gathering her skirts and running towards the snowed in carriage.

A man was trying to replace a broken wheel. Maria helped him out.

"Thanks a lot. I really need to get to the ball."

"You're going to the ball?"

"Oh yeah! I gotta be there! There's a million honey's waiting for me there!" He smiled and winked.

Maria frowned. The prince?

The footman who was with the prince nodded and smiled. "Off we go, Your Highness!"

The prince nodded and walked off, without a thank you.

***

The ball was crowded. Maria had to push and shove to get where she was going. She stopped at the refreshment stand looked around.

Lots of girls were dancing. She suddenly remembered that she couldn't dance.

"May I see some ID ma'am?" a servant asked.

Maria flashed her fake ID and was about to leave the place when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey! You're that chick from the road! Glad to see ya! Wanna dance?" The prince didn't give her a chance to reply as he swept her onto the dance floor.

"I really shouldn't be dancing long..." Maria looked at her watch. It was eleven o'clock already.

"Yeah, really! That's what they all say. I see right through your game, girl!" He smiled and spun her around until she was dizzy.

Maria kicked him in the groin. "You lousy jerk! I don't know what you're trying to prove, but I have no 'game'!" She walked away, muttering, "See you later, loser.."

The Prince watched her go, saying, "Wow! What a woman!"

***

All the way home Maria brooded. The Prince was such a jerk! She looked at her watch. Eleven forty-five. She was making good time.

She arrived home to see Cal there, resting in the easy chair. He looked up to see her glaring.

"The Prince is a dork and I hate him!" Maria said to Cal, fuming.

"I never met the guy." was all Cal could say.

"Well, don't meet him..."

Cal was about to say something else when his beeper went off. "Oh nuts." He muttered. "I have another miracle to perform. This one's in Canada. A woman wants a child to believe in Santa again.." He turned to Maria. "I'll see ya later."

"Yeah, sure." she said gloomily as she watched Cal disappear.

***

The next day, a knock at the door roused Marianna from her slumber. She had fallen asleep at the table. Had she dreamt the whole thing? She peeled a page of her science textbook off her face and got the door.

"Good morning ma'am!" it was the same servant that Maria had met the other day, concerning the ball. The Prince was standing behind him, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"What's so good about it?"

The servant ignored that comment. It was all too familiar to him. "Is Marianna Willow at home?"

"That would be me."

The servant handed her her fake ID. "Then this would be yours. His Highness wishes to marry you by the way."

Jann ran to the door and peeked around Maria. "Maria wasn't even at the ball! She was scrubbing pots and trapping roaches all night!"

"I won't marry him! He's a perv!" She glared at the prince as she said this, her face stern.

The Prince threw up his hands in frustration. That was the twelfth girl to say that! "You!" He pointed at Jann. "Will you marry me? I have to marry someone today! Anybody!"

Jann squealed. Maria thought she heard a window shatter. "Oh course I will! I will! I will!" She was in such hysterics she dropped her chocolate eclair on the ground.

And so it was set. Jann became a princess and Carla became the mother of a princess. Life was good.

And that is the end of my tale.

Maria? Oh! I forgot about her! She hooked up with Cal, the fairy. He makes a nice living and they now reside in a little house outside of town. She became a doctor.... well..a veterinarian.. She's really happy. So far, her house is cockroach free.

And there you have it folks! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Let me know! This story is dedicated to Witch 13itch. Thanks again for giving me the brainstorm and thank you for your encouraging notes on my other story!