Chapter 1

Life Speaks Through Death

SUICIDE contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life.

It is gravely contrary to the just love of self.

It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations.

SUICIDE is contrary to love for the living God. "

Catechism of the Catholic Church, I: 2281

Death is too much for men to bear, whereas women, who are practiced in bearing the deaths of men before their own and who are also practiced in bearing life, take death almost in stride. They go to meet death—that is, they attempt suicide—twice as often as men, though men are more "successful" because they use surer weapons, like guns.

 Roger Rosenblatt (b. 1940), U.S. author, educator. "Real Men Don't Die," The Man in the Water, Random House (1994).

*A girl sits on the edge of her bed, holding a bottle of pills. They're to keep her "calm." Very calmly, she opens the bottle and takes them all. No big thing. *


*A boy gets sick of taking orders from his parents. So he decides not to take orders at all. He lies on the couch and eats while watching TV. One day he takes a bite of a sandwich and chokes. No big thing. *


*A girl hates the way her life is turning out. She is waiting for the subway one day and steps off the platform 10 seconds before the train gets there. No big thing. *


*A boy decides he's sick of his cousins and mother, so in a fit of rage he pulls a gun from his father's collection and shoots all three. The cops shoot him when he leaves their apartment. No big thing. *


"Shit!" Doctor Abraham Magaldi cursed under his breath as he saw who his patent was. She was a young lady, probably just in collage. He was a doctor from Queens and he saw this too many times. Some kid thinks they can't take life so they hurl themselves in front of a subway train. This one was bad, but he would have to make her live. He had this thing about his patents dying, especially the young ones.

"Stats!" He cried to the nurse who was hooking the girl up.

 "She's lost far too much blood sir. She's going into shock." Sure enough the girl started convulsing on the table.

"No way. You're not going to die while I'm here to prevent it. You have too much to do in your life," he said as he stood at her side


"ROSY! GOD, ROSY!" a woman shrieked at the top of her lungs, trying to yank free of her husband's tight grip.

"Someone get that woman out of here!" barked Dr. Sanier as he readied the stomach pump. Two large nurses started heading over to the couple, but the man finally got the distraught mother under control and the two men backed back up to help the doctor.

 "The toxins are heavily saturated through her system, Doctor," one of the nurses said in a monotone, only her bitten lip revealing how serious it really was.

 At that, the woman started screaming again. "WHY, ROSY, WHY!?"

 "GET HER OUT!" Sanier roared.

 This time, no one was sympathetic. Their attention was needed on the girl on the table, not at the mother fighting her guilt.

 The two nurses from before dragged both father and mother out into the waiting room.

There was no time to lubricate the tube of the stomach pump, so Dr. Sanier apologized to her as he slid the tube down her throat. "If you live you'll be sore, but you'll be alive."

"Activate the pump," he said hoarsely to the nurse, who nodded and flicked the switch.

After a moment of nothing, half dissolved pills started flying up and filling the small container.

 It was there, however, that things went horribly wrong.

Suddenly the tube was full of blood. "TURN IT OFF, NOW!" Sanier screamed at the top of his lungs. Her stomach had been empty, he realized with horror. Not even hydrochloric acid... the nurse was scrambling for the switch, but at this point pieces of her stomach were clogging the tube and the pump shut off of its own accord.

                The sudden silence that filled the room was deafening in its own right

Sanier broke it by running to the girl and checking her vital signs. There were none. "FUCK."


Rosy opened her eyes slowly. She took in her surroundings slowly. It was dark and she was sitting in some old fashioned uncomfortable chair.

~Shit, please don't tell me that I've been taken to one of those support group places...I hate those places where people wear nametags and make you tell them how you feel. Argh! Sitting talking about your feelings sucks. I know I'm depressed… they don't need to tell me. Why the fuck can't I move? ~

Rosy tried testing her bonds again and found that she indeed could not move.

~Where the hell am I? ~

"I wish I knew," a voice answered. "I think you and I are in the in-between place." Rosy looked around and then saw a girl sitting next to her

She had dark blond hair that fell to her shoulders… she looked like she was covered in....blood.

'Ummm, did you know that you're bleeding?" Rosy asked, a little freaked now.

"No, I WAS bleeding, just like you were."

"Me? What do you mean?" Rosy asked. "What the fuck in going on here."

"Well I can only tell you what I'm trying to piece together here. First of all I hurled myself in front of the Subway train that leads from Queens to Brooklyn and am now being operated on," the girl said

"Really?" Rosy asked her green eyes wide.

"Yeah. What happened to you? You just have to try to remember."

Rosy shut her eyes for a moment and then it all came back to her.

They had been ignoring her… some of her friends had been ignoring her. So she'd gone upstairs and gotten a bottle of pills that her mom had for depression. Now Rosy knew she was depressed, she just didn't admit it to anyone. Well that didn't matter now. Slowly she prayed her act of contrition and then downed the whole bottle. She saw herself convulsing on the floor with blood everywhere, then they were trying to pump her stomach. That's why she couldn't move. Something felt wrong, like there was some huge rule she was trying to remember but couldn't. That's why she wouldn't let go.

"So that's what happened?" the other girl asked and shook her head. "That's rough"

"Why did you do it?" Rosy asked.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. All of life, you know it just felt like too much and it was so easy to take that step..." her voice trailed off. "I'm Angie by the way."

"Rosy. Nice to meet you."


"She's not breathing," a nurse said to Doctor Magaldi. His brow furrowed together at this.

"We're going to have to try to get her heart to start working. Get ready." Another thin nurse took out the two large pieces of metal that would hopefully give the girl enough of a shock to get her heart to start. Her parents were here now. The mother was screaming in the waiting room about needing to know what was happening to her daughter.

 "Ready, doctor?" The nurse asked. He nodded and took the apparatus in his hands. He then pushed down and the girl's body shook. No heart beat. He tried again. Nothing.

"Dammit girl, don't you know you have to fight?" he asked.


"So, why aren't you letting go?" Rosy asked, own hands clutching the armrests.

"You know? I don't remember. Do you? There is something we need to remember. It's important."

"I think has to do with God. Oh sorry, do you believe in God... or maybe I should ask you if you DID believe in God." Rosy asked.

"I did and still do. I think it doesn't but I don't remember. I just feel so tired you know. I feel heavy."

"Yeah, like I have a huge weight on me. Maybe if we just let go..."

"I agree. Ok, we'll do it together, on one let go off the chairs sides. Ok?" Rosy nodded.

"Three" Angie said.

"STAT!" Her doctor screamed as he hit her chest once again with no result.

"Two" Angie said.

"Dammit, we have to try to get her back!" Doctor Sanier cried as he tried to think of something. His nurses frowned.

 "One!" Angie screamed. They let go of their chairs simultaneously.

"Doctor, let her go. She's gone." The thin nurse said to Mangaldi as he got ready to try again.

"No way. She's going to live!"

 "No sir, let her go." the tall nurse said.

"Fine" Magaldi said, defeated. "The time of death is 1 pm on Thursday..."


"Sir, she's gone." Doctor Sanier didn't seem to hear her as he checked his apparatus. "SIR!"

"No, she's to young." he said. Then looked at the monotone lack of heartbeat. He shut his brown eyes and then nodded.

Both doctors left their rooms, slowly taking off their gloves and turning on the hot water. They slowly sunk to the floor. They had to do two of the worst parts of their job now, telling parents their daughters where dead and then living with the fact themselves.