It wasn't until I started working at Wal-Mart that I realized the idiocy in people. I now run fearfully through the parking lot into work, I don't chance it that all the stupid one's take the bus.

Everyday I get what I call my common-sense-customers. These are the people that paid attention while their parents shopped, instead of running through the Pharmacy with magic markers up their noses or casually tossing feminine products out of the shopping cart. Common-sense customers are every cashiers DREAM. They watch as the prices come up on the screen, load the cart while you bag, and if you're REALLY lucky, they take the hangers off beforehand. These are the people who never had to wear Velcro shoes. Note to customer: When your cashier has stacked your groceries into a nice pyramid on the tiny counter, and glares at your empty cart, you've done something wrong.

Now because we "sell for less" at good old Wal-Mart, that means we match prices. This is the area where my satanic-customers rule. They load 80 tiny cute little glass jars onto my tiny little belt, and after I scan 68 of the little jars, they bonk themselves in the head and say: "Oh! I have a flyer from your competitors across the street. Yeah they're selling baby food for 70cents not 97." So I smile and tell them there will be a void on their receipt. Then I re-scan their little glass jars and change their little individual prices. All the while resisting the urge to throw the dollar something they will be saving at their evil little faces. Then I yank out their 12-foot receipt and grin with clenched teeth and white knuckles. Note to customer: When your cashier mutters incoherently while patiently voiding out your items for the third time and her eye begins to twitch, you've done something wrong.

Theft. We all know that stealing is bad, no one likes to receive counterfeit bills, and who trusts ANYONE these days? So when a customer yells at me for doing my job and checking inside the new backpack they're buying, or angling their ten dollar bills to make sure they're real, the customer is always right. AND I forget to remove the sensor-matic tags on the condoms they just bought. This is most rewarding when you're on a cash register near the front doors. Note to customer: When the alarm goes off at the front doors because your condoms weren't de-activated, you've done something wrong and the Wal-Mart greeter is one extremely uncomfortable old man.

People and patience. Once upon a time my co-worker had to close down his till b/c his nose started to bleed, he took twenty steps away from his line of customers before collapsing into a seizure. They crowded around me in what I thought was concern as I paged a manager. Then one brave idiot opened her mouth. "Are you calling someone to take over his register?" She asked me. Feel free to shake your head in disbelief, I still do.

For the last time, we are not living in the United States. Maybe in the U.S they are mad and feel that people need Wal-Mart 24/7 and it's essential to have 24 hour Wal-Marts. Here it is not essential. It will NEVER be essential; no one needs Wal-Mart that much. I don't pity you with your overflowing cart and helpless stare when we close at ten o'clock on a Saturday night. Because I'm seventeen years old, it's Saturday night and I've been here since one o'clock. If you want sympathy go to Safeway, they're open till eleven. If you want to come back tomorrow, I'll direct you to layaway in my most polite voice and you can purchase your items tomorrow when we open at 7 am. If you are demanding your rights to customer service, we closed at ten, you're no longer my customer, as an equal - you can bite me.