WORST Possible Starting Lines for a Novel

Billiam awakened in his study, his head was pounding because it was no longer there.

Billiam died, the end

Dear reading person:

Joseph died, but Billiam woke up

Billiam had a dream that his mother called him down for breakfast, then she really did, he laughed bitterly at the irony.

Novels really suck.

I hope you like this novel

It was a dark and stormy night, but not really, it was actually kind of bright out and there was some drizzling and scattered showers from the cold front.

Chelsea awakened and then returned to sleep

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was never in between, just one or the other.....or both......simultaneously

Billiam woke up with an awful hangover; he scratched his nether regions and tried to recall where he had left his pants

This is a novel......read it biyotch

Billiam awoke that morning just knowing that the proceeding events would eventually become a novel.

Billiam awoke to the smell of salmon

Salmon awoke to the smell of Billiam

Billiam and I are very much in love even after 80 years of marriage, this is our sex life in the form of a novel

Interpretive dancing is an incredibly moving experience.

3vil l337 r0xx0rz j00r b0xx0rs I partook in your mom last night; this is a 600 page long list of what she screamed.

Ever wondered what 300+ blank pages would look like?

Billiam awoke with a vicious hangover; he wiped the salmon gingerly from his face and opened his bleary eyes.

Billiam awoke in a cold gutter, the flashing lights of Vegas shining brightly onto his plaid wedding dress; he knew then that the previous night had been an awful mistake.

Billiam never woke up, the story never began, and so it ends.

Billiam once forged, in the mountains of Mordor......some stuff.

Hobbits taste funny

Billiam and I are still very much in love even after 2034 years of vicious lovemaking......no this one is way to unacceptable, I'll get banned

Billiam woke up sore, on stained red velvet, and looked over at the giant hairy man who slept looking like a god beside him, how he longed to cover him in salmon.

Billiam awoke in a dank cell in a Mexican prison, oddly enough he was actually quite free of salmon, but seemed to be coated in a thin layer of carpenter glue

You suck

Billiam woke up in the artic; penguins were biting at his naughty places

Billiam hates penguins

Billiam was a man of strong ideals, lithe form and very fat ears

This will be a book compiling all of the military victories of France:

Billiam awoke chained to the cold hardwood floor of a terrible smelling russian whore house.

Billiam wondered if anyone would ever eat the frickin whipped cream off of him, it was getting crusty.

Billiam wondered if anyone would ever eat the frickin salmon cream off of him, it was congealing.

Billiam suddenly and inevitably and sporatically changed genders

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane NO its Super Sexy Slovy with his Super Slovy Sexer!

Chelsea slapped me

Chelsea awoke and baked bread

Billiam really has a thing for salmon (A/N: Not really a line, just making an observation)

So a duck, a nun and a blonde walk into a bar.........

This is what I did last summer:


Once upon a time