"Excess"

Too often I wish for silence
And power.
On these occasions, all that's keeping me alive is paper and ink.
Do you know the guilt that comes with not feeling guilty?
As I penetrate the pages with excessive black goo, I think about my lack of conscience
Over the pain I forced upon you.
But it is too much for you to demand apologies.
I suppose I could've thought more
But I should not have had to.
Should I need to exceed expectations
Because you have a mental case
Against me?
I'm young and insane
But I'll get over this, I hope.

Every time I wish for silence
And power
I feel I'm doing something terribly wrong
My motivations are simply excess
And I grow tired of my favorite songs.
Ask me questions, but not too personal.
Listen to the CD skip and become damaged
Like when life repeats itself too much
Maybe I should get help after all...
No, I'm not depressed, I'm not crying.
No, I don't think my problems are clinical.
Goodbye, it has sucked talking to you.
I close my eyes and let it go...

I do not sleep at night.
I cannot plunge myself into the fantasy world.
I wish for silence and power
So I can wake and know what's real and what's not.
Do you see the way I rant too often?
And the fact that nobody's scared of me?
This discomfort looms over me like a rainbow
Magnifying my bad qualities
The colors contrast.
I feel my fists clenching.
I know you're staring at me.
I swear one of these days I'll explode...

Do I need silence
And power?
Yes, it seems I do.
What's the price to pay if I anger you?
I will risk a lot, just not too much.
I need to get out
I need to see the stars
I need to run away
To a silent place
I need to feel powerful
I need to scream.
I must force myself out of this state of mind.