Deception and Containment

I lie

To myself,To you all

The way I look….it's a lie too

I'm not what I look like

Meet me, talk to me, really see me

See what I really am

Rough, course, bold, made to last…

Not small and delicate and lovely

I pretend to feel

Wishing it was real

Wanting so bad for it to be real

Not wanting to hurt you

Trying so hard to protect all those I love

Trying to protect them from me

From what I can be…coarse, painful, scathing

Trying to not let that part of me thrive and swell

I want to let it all go,

But I can't leave you all

I love you so much

You need me

You won't let me go

Why must you need me, hold me, suffocate me?

Why must I let you?

I'm a free spirit

Bound to you by my love for you

But I'm being smothered

It's too much

I can't take this much

Too much clinging love, and smothering need

I have to get out, have to be released

Clawing to be released,

To be liberated from my box of loving duty

I afraid to let you go

Afraid of what you'll do to yourself

Afraid that if I try to let some of it go,

I'll lose it all

And I can't live with none anymore than I can live with too much