The Adventures of O!
Episode 2: Tabby Cat
By Ian McChicken
AKA OrangePeanutz!! at C/A
AKA KillTheChickens!! at www.thepunksquad.com
O awoke the next morning to find that it had rained
throughout the entire night. Looking out his window, he saw
the muddy water and straw move in a small stream down the
cobble stone. As he put on his sword, a knock echoed
through the wide open space of his room. O moved swiftly to
the door and looked through the small peep-hole to see...
absolutely nothing. He plastered himself to the wall behind
the door when he heard a second knock. Cautiously, braced
and prepared to fight, he looked through the hole again, and
again he saw nothing.
Suddenly a voice was heard, " 'ello! O! Are ye in
there mate?" a gruff sounding creature of some sorts. O
once again peered through the hole and wondered. Maybe this
creature was invisible. But what kind of magic could turn a
thing invisible? Maybe he was waiting, waiting for O to open
the door so he could attack with the element of surprise. Or
maybe he was just really short. O opened the door. Making
sure to keep an eye out for any swift movements. Suddenly,
the voice cried out again,"Took ye long enough ye damn lazy
bastard!"
"Who are you?"
"I'm just Tabby. Tabby Cat as they like to call me,
but I find it quite insulting. I'm bigger than a cat." Tabby
was a short man. Short and stubby, like a dwarf, but not a
dwarf. He stood about 2' tall (60 CM), and had the
appearance of an agitated hamster. His goal in life could be
summed up into one sentence: To turn every living creature
into a cycloptic lawn gnome! Unfortunately for him, he
failed miserably.
"The reason you are standing outside my mtel room is
because... why?"
"Because you won't let me in."
"Don't be a wise ass."
"Sorry to bother you than, guess you don't want to
hear about the Subio de la Noche." he began to walk away,
waddling like a penguin due to his short, stumpy, unbalanced
legs.
"You guessed right! Have a nice day!" O slammed the
door. Damn midgets.
"Alright alright you win." O had guessed he would
come back. Why would some strange idiot come to the door, to
give hime information on something he didn't care or want to
care about? There was obviously something that this Tabby
character, wanted from him. Even though O acted as if Tabby
was just a bother and annoyance, O knew that some part of
him wanted to hear this tale of the Subio de la Noche. He
opened the door. Tabby stood there once again, an expression
of impatience across his face. "I'll tell you mate. But
you'll 'ave to let me in and give me a seat."
"Deal."
Five minutes later they were seated with drinks and
Tabby began his tale.
"The Subio de la Noche is to many, a myth. But to
mehself and a few other blokes, it is a great creature. It's
strides are unmatched by any mortal. It's fearless attitude
towards battle, and merciless view on death make it a good
creature for any soldier. Yet it can only be ridden by the
worthy. It is said, that anyone who has ever ridden the
Subio de la Noche into battle, has never lost."
"But what is it."
"A horse. Sorry, forgot that part."
"Sounds like quite a horse. But what's the catch?"
"Eh? Oh the catch. Err, yeah. That would be the fact that the King is goin' to behead it this afternoon."
"Why?"
"Er..." Tabby chuckled," Well, it's an embarrassing story kind of. The King caught the horse, with about a hundred soldiers, in 20 days. But they caught her.
He announced that he would be riding the horse for the first time, and that everyone should come to see the King ride the Subio de la Noche. Well, let me tell ya, EVERYONE came. And like the pompous stuck up arse that he is, he made a little speech on the history of the horse, just to remind everyone of what the rider could control with her. So when he got on, let me say, it wasn't a pretty sight mate. So he feels that executing the horse will justify the humiliation brought upon him."
"So where and when is this horse going to be killed?"
"2 o'clock, on the town green. So that afterwards, everyone can be home just in good time for supper."
"Good. One more question."
"Ask away mate."
"So what did the horse do to the King anyway?"
"Oh..." Tabby chuckled again, "You know the thing, 'I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your arse tha-"
O laughed. "I'm liking this horse better every second."
They sat on top of a cliff in the woods by the town green. Waiting for the trumpets to sound. Tabby chattering away the entire time.
"You can't make it mate! There's no way you'll get there and out in less than a minute."
"No. You're right! BUT, I-CAN-MAKE-IT-OUT-IN-LESS-THAN..." slight pause, "TWO!"
Tabby gasped, "WHY-ARE-WE-SPEAKING-LIKE-OVER-EXAGERATED-SUPER-PEOPLE?!"
"BECAUSE-THE-NARRATOR-IS-AN-IDIOT!"
[Hey! Just because I'm retarded, doesn't mean I'm... stupid]
"Right. You're still a jerk."
And with those words of meaniness, a tree woke up and cried "HUMBUGGERS!" and brought down upon O a great pain in the ass. No, no, I mean that literally. The tree hit O in the ass with one of it's branches.
"Ow! You bastard! I'll get you back for that!"
Suddenly, on the field below the cliff, trumpets were heard. A carriage strolled with great speed upon the field. Behind the carriage, a larger wagon was being pulled by four draft horses. On the wagon lay the struggling, chained, beast, to be mistaken for none other than the Subio de la Noche. O checked the zip line he had set up earlier. His plan was to shoot down the line as quickly and as silently as possible. And he'd have to do it soon because the other end of the rope was attached to the beheading-block.
Matt Groening stepped out of the carriage. Wearing a crown and robes of purple and red satin, he spoke to the guards of the great horse. The guards nodded and moved to Subio. They tied ropes to cuffs that were chained to her feet and unlocked the rest of the chains. As the guards backed away, Subio quickly rose to her feet and swerved her head around to check out her surroundings. The guards struggled with her, but finally got her to the beheading-block. The black-hooded undertaker stood before Subio now. Waiting for his orders.
King Groening now paced back and forth before the crowd. Obviously saying some words of kingly 'wisdom' before giving the orders to make the kill. This is where O made his move. O stepped over the branches that lay on the forest floor. He threw a heavy metal-link chain over and gripped to it, holding on for dear life. O's instructions to Tabby, who had bragged of his great skills in the art of archery, were to shoot the four guards as fast as possible, so that O could take them all by surprise and ride off on Subio like a gallant
knight
O pushed off the cliff. At first he slowly slid down the zip line. But with every second, his speed increased until he was flying like an eagle down it. O heard the sound and felt the air of an arrow brushing past him.
"Stupid idiot!" O cried as he twisted his neck to see that Tabby had almost shot him in the head. O saw the other three come to a halt about 20 feet away from all of the guards. With a disgusted expression, O knew he would have to take them all at once by himself.
O hit the ground and rolled off the zip line. As he rolled, he saw one of the guards coming towards him. O unsheathed his sword and with a glint of steel, stood up and began the fight. Twisting and turning, the two of them had their swords clanging until someone, shot the guard he was fighting. O looked up at Tabby in disbelief and saw Tabby shaking his head and pointing at King Groening. Groening was standing there with a bow in hand and the other hand over his mouth as if to say, "Oops."
O mounted Subio and sheathed his sword before galloping away into the sunset. Groening fell to his knees in disbelief of the events preceding this 'grand finale' of screw ups. After about five minutes of constant, unwavering, sobbing, he looked up into the now darkening sky and screamed, "WHY???!!!"
A hand descended from the heavens and smacked Groening across the face before a voice was heard from the depths of the sky, "SHUT YO' JIBBA-JABBA FOO'!"
END
Episode 2: Tabby Cat
By Ian McChicken
AKA OrangePeanutz!! at C/A
AKA KillTheChickens!! at www.thepunksquad.com
O awoke the next morning to find that it had rained
throughout the entire night. Looking out his window, he saw
the muddy water and straw move in a small stream down the
cobble stone. As he put on his sword, a knock echoed
through the wide open space of his room. O moved swiftly to
the door and looked through the small peep-hole to see...
absolutely nothing. He plastered himself to the wall behind
the door when he heard a second knock. Cautiously, braced
and prepared to fight, he looked through the hole again, and
again he saw nothing.
Suddenly a voice was heard, " 'ello! O! Are ye in
there mate?" a gruff sounding creature of some sorts. O
once again peered through the hole and wondered. Maybe this
creature was invisible. But what kind of magic could turn a
thing invisible? Maybe he was waiting, waiting for O to open
the door so he could attack with the element of surprise. Or
maybe he was just really short. O opened the door. Making
sure to keep an eye out for any swift movements. Suddenly,
the voice cried out again,"Took ye long enough ye damn lazy
bastard!"
"Who are you?"
"I'm just Tabby. Tabby Cat as they like to call me,
but I find it quite insulting. I'm bigger than a cat." Tabby
was a short man. Short and stubby, like a dwarf, but not a
dwarf. He stood about 2' tall (60 CM), and had the
appearance of an agitated hamster. His goal in life could be
summed up into one sentence: To turn every living creature
into a cycloptic lawn gnome! Unfortunately for him, he
failed miserably.
"The reason you are standing outside my mtel room is
because... why?"
"Because you won't let me in."
"Don't be a wise ass."
"Sorry to bother you than, guess you don't want to
hear about the Subio de la Noche." he began to walk away,
waddling like a penguin due to his short, stumpy, unbalanced
legs.
"You guessed right! Have a nice day!" O slammed the
door. Damn midgets.
"Alright alright you win." O had guessed he would
come back. Why would some strange idiot come to the door, to
give hime information on something he didn't care or want to
care about? There was obviously something that this Tabby
character, wanted from him. Even though O acted as if Tabby
was just a bother and annoyance, O knew that some part of
him wanted to hear this tale of the Subio de la Noche. He
opened the door. Tabby stood there once again, an expression
of impatience across his face. "I'll tell you mate. But
you'll 'ave to let me in and give me a seat."
"Deal."
Five minutes later they were seated with drinks and
Tabby began his tale.
"The Subio de la Noche is to many, a myth. But to
mehself and a few other blokes, it is a great creature. It's
strides are unmatched by any mortal. It's fearless attitude
towards battle, and merciless view on death make it a good
creature for any soldier. Yet it can only be ridden by the
worthy. It is said, that anyone who has ever ridden the
Subio de la Noche into battle, has never lost."
"But what is it."
"A horse. Sorry, forgot that part."
"Sounds like quite a horse. But what's the catch?"
"Eh? Oh the catch. Err, yeah. That would be the fact that the King is goin' to behead it this afternoon."
"Why?"
"Er..." Tabby chuckled," Well, it's an embarrassing story kind of. The King caught the horse, with about a hundred soldiers, in 20 days. But they caught her.
He announced that he would be riding the horse for the first time, and that everyone should come to see the King ride the Subio de la Noche. Well, let me tell ya, EVERYONE came. And like the pompous stuck up arse that he is, he made a little speech on the history of the horse, just to remind everyone of what the rider could control with her. So when he got on, let me say, it wasn't a pretty sight mate. So he feels that executing the horse will justify the humiliation brought upon him."
"So where and when is this horse going to be killed?"
"2 o'clock, on the town green. So that afterwards, everyone can be home just in good time for supper."
"Good. One more question."
"Ask away mate."
"So what did the horse do to the King anyway?"
"Oh..." Tabby chuckled again, "You know the thing, 'I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your arse tha-"
O laughed. "I'm liking this horse better every second."
They sat on top of a cliff in the woods by the town green. Waiting for the trumpets to sound. Tabby chattering away the entire time.
"You can't make it mate! There's no way you'll get there and out in less than a minute."
"No. You're right! BUT, I-CAN-MAKE-IT-OUT-IN-LESS-THAN..." slight pause, "TWO!"
Tabby gasped, "WHY-ARE-WE-SPEAKING-LIKE-OVER-EXAGERATED-SUPER-PEOPLE?!"
"BECAUSE-THE-NARRATOR-IS-AN-IDIOT!"
[Hey! Just because I'm retarded, doesn't mean I'm... stupid]
"Right. You're still a jerk."
And with those words of meaniness, a tree woke up and cried "HUMBUGGERS!" and brought down upon O a great pain in the ass. No, no, I mean that literally. The tree hit O in the ass with one of it's branches.
"Ow! You bastard! I'll get you back for that!"
Suddenly, on the field below the cliff, trumpets were heard. A carriage strolled with great speed upon the field. Behind the carriage, a larger wagon was being pulled by four draft horses. On the wagon lay the struggling, chained, beast, to be mistaken for none other than the Subio de la Noche. O checked the zip line he had set up earlier. His plan was to shoot down the line as quickly and as silently as possible. And he'd have to do it soon because the other end of the rope was attached to the beheading-block.
Matt Groening stepped out of the carriage. Wearing a crown and robes of purple and red satin, he spoke to the guards of the great horse. The guards nodded and moved to Subio. They tied ropes to cuffs that were chained to her feet and unlocked the rest of the chains. As the guards backed away, Subio quickly rose to her feet and swerved her head around to check out her surroundings. The guards struggled with her, but finally got her to the beheading-block. The black-hooded undertaker stood before Subio now. Waiting for his orders.
King Groening now paced back and forth before the crowd. Obviously saying some words of kingly 'wisdom' before giving the orders to make the kill. This is where O made his move. O stepped over the branches that lay on the forest floor. He threw a heavy metal-link chain over and gripped to it, holding on for dear life. O's instructions to Tabby, who had bragged of his great skills in the art of archery, were to shoot the four guards as fast as possible, so that O could take them all by surprise and ride off on Subio like a gallant
knight
O pushed off the cliff. At first he slowly slid down the zip line. But with every second, his speed increased until he was flying like an eagle down it. O heard the sound and felt the air of an arrow brushing past him.
"Stupid idiot!" O cried as he twisted his neck to see that Tabby had almost shot him in the head. O saw the other three come to a halt about 20 feet away from all of the guards. With a disgusted expression, O knew he would have to take them all at once by himself.
O hit the ground and rolled off the zip line. As he rolled, he saw one of the guards coming towards him. O unsheathed his sword and with a glint of steel, stood up and began the fight. Twisting and turning, the two of them had their swords clanging until someone, shot the guard he was fighting. O looked up at Tabby in disbelief and saw Tabby shaking his head and pointing at King Groening. Groening was standing there with a bow in hand and the other hand over his mouth as if to say, "Oops."
O mounted Subio and sheathed his sword before galloping away into the sunset. Groening fell to his knees in disbelief of the events preceding this 'grand finale' of screw ups. After about five minutes of constant, unwavering, sobbing, he looked up into the now darkening sky and screamed, "WHY???!!!"
A hand descended from the heavens and smacked Groening across the face before a voice was heard from the depths of the sky, "SHUT YO' JIBBA-JABBA FOO'!"
END