Pie. Pie and Monkeys. The sources of all insanity. I will tell the story of insane creation.

Once, when the world had just begun, the Lord was feeling a bit sad. People were so plain, working all day, never stopping to laugh. So He sent down two gifts. One was the monkey and the other was pie. As they floated down, the pie and the monkey got acquainted. I would recount the whole conversation, but you would go quite mad, not unlike me. Instead, I will just give a snippet.

Monkey: It appears that we are falling from a very high spot.


Monkey: I find that frightening, don't you? I mean, waiting to be smushed like fruit filling of the ground.


Monkey: Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend your fruity goodness.


This goes on. You must understand, the fall from heaven is very long and boring. After the first eighty-nine minutes the monkey is getting a bit restless.

Monkey: I say, you're not very talkative.


All of a sudden a meteor comes and splat! The pie hits it. At that moment the two enter the atmosphere. The meteor starts burning up. Fortunately, for the sake of our story, the monkey does not. Below them a tribe of primitive humans are standing and pointing at the shooting star and making garbled sounds of amazement. Minutes later the mokey hits the ground a few feet away from the smoldering space rock.

Monkey: I say, that was fun! Perhaps I will become a pyromaniac. Now by golly what are all you chaps staring at?

The monkey finally notices the same primitive humans staring at him. Where he picked up the English vocabulary I will never know. A brightly dressed man stepped foreword and peered at the monkey. He spoke in a heavily slurred tounge.

Tribe Chieftain: Who are you, furry thing from above? You arrive by star. You must be powerful. Your wish is our command.

The man speculated aloud. Upon hearing this, the monkey's eyes lit up. He started ordering everyone every which way. They gave him the name Anno, meaning ball of fuzz. He lived in royalty for a week before mutinous thoughts crept in people's heads.

Tribe Chieftain: Anno, we've invented a word to describe you- annoying. It means you should be fed to a giant bug. But, we aren't that mean, so you may leave. Don't come back, please.

The monkey was angered at that. He ran into a desert to pout. While he sat a mirage appeared before him. It was shaped like pie. Seeing this made him very, very happy. He composed a song about it.

I see a pie. It waved bye-bye.

He sang it over and over for years and years. At last evolution took him and he became a man. When he realized this he became a pyromaniac and lived happily ever after, the worlds first insane. The fad caught on after a while, creating an allegiance called Madmen. They had cool t-shirts for a while that said "I survived the loony bin" but after so many people joined they stopped making them.

Like it? I mean, my story. No? Well, don't go yet, I'm handing out t- shirts! Join us now! Hey. I told you not to leave. Oh well.