(A/N this is totally unserious. Just something I wrote for Fun)

Ever really hate those writers, who can just think up a grand adventure, or a subtle romance? I know sometimes I do, mostly because subtly is something I've never known. However we must remember, that they probably are not hating, that was probably to strong of a word, maybe envious is what I thinking of, anyhow, they (the good writers), are most likely envious of other people.

Envy. A four-letter word. Maybe that was deliberate. Only we don't go scream it or anything when we are mad. Could you imagine? "Oh go Envy yourself!". Well as you can probably tell, I am not that talented of a writer, so I will envy away!

Perhaps, envy does drive us though. To achieve a better story, or think up a better plot. Mostly it does the opposite, and makes us believe that cannot do better than the previous so we might as well take up pottery instead, or cooking. You get my drift? So we are left with a paradox. Envy can drive us, and it can set us back. How to master envy is the question we should be left with I suppose.

How to Master Envy: A Five-Step Program.

Step One: Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Everyone just look into this computer screen and work up your courage to say.

"Hi. My name is (insert your name here) and I am an Envy-Holic"

You have just taken your first step to becoming a better writer and a better person. Look around you, and realise, that you are not alone. We all have the same problem. Good for you, for admitting it.

Now we have the sticky task of really working through all your envy issues. Obviously this will take awhile, so I want everyone to think about everyone you envy. Right done to the little girl who sells Girl Guide cookies and always has a smile on her face when she expects you to shell out five dollars for a lousy box of.. Sorry, I'm still working on step 5, "Letting go". Anyhow, looking back, think of all the people you often secretly loathe and take a mental note of something that you like and don't envy about them. Like the fact that my ex still hasn't found anyone new. I like that, and I don't envy that! Well, that's the first step that will help us get rid of envy. Appreciation for those around us.

Step Two: Thinking Good about Ourselves

You don't need to envy. You are a valid and valued member of the community. In fact there are those you might envy you. That always makes you feel better, remembering there are those worse off then you. You are on the road to recovery. Stand loud and proud and shout out your double V's.


Don't you feel better? I know I do. Once you have shouted this out. Go and write down two story plots that you think aren't good, maybe they really are, and will make you a famous author. I mean, you are valid and valued member of the community, maybe they don't suck. They most likely do, but take a chance, feels good, doesn't it? That brings us to Step Three.

Step Three: Take the Plunge

That's right go swimming. Exercise. Nothing gets rid of envy like a long swim. Why you ask? Because, it works off energy, and you can't really be envious if you are completely exhausted. But you are free to think about characters. Like that hot lifeguard with the killer abs, I'm going to make him my romantic lead. Oh, I mean. I bet I could write him really complicated and win the Pulitzer or something. Right, swimming, good for you and your body. Oh and drink milk that's also good, strong bones, for your hands.

Step Four: Think about other Things

Fill your mind with your own hopes and ambitions, and forget about what the Jones's are up to. Set your own schedule. You don't have to be a famous writer by 50! 60 is just as good a time to get well known in the literary community, of course you'll be dead soon, and not have as long a time to bask in the glory you've created, but hey! You did it, didn't you? And you did it without envy! That's what's really important.

Step Five: Letting Go

If envy really is this big of a problem for you, you really have issues, and though that little cookie girl still lurks out there carefree, while you toil away at work, envying her for her childhood, remember, that eventually, all things will come into place in the fabric of your life. So let it go. Envy, that four-letter word. Really is powerless if we remember that we are the ones who let it go rampant, and we are the ones who can stop it.

"My name is _____, and I am no longer an Envy-Holic."