Durainey awoke on a bed in a room where the major color scheme seemed to consist of two colors: taupe and white. He concluded that he was in a hospital of some sort. No other kind of building would have such dull colors.

"It looks like you haf had a lEEtle INceedent vith Jorge. AppARently, he drew blood after all." Durainey was startled by the appearance of Mr. Sheisskopf at the foot of his bed.

"Heh heh…That seems to be the case, Mr. Sheisskopf."

"Oh well, no harm done. You appear to be doink very vell, Mr. Durainey."

"Where am I?"

"You are EEn ze Plenoprobs infirmary," Sheisskopf said.

"How…How long have I been here?"

"Oh, not very long. Only…a day. Maybe two. But hey, I'm not keepink score," Sheisskopf replied. Durainey bolted upright.

"Two days? You're kidding!"

"I assURE you, Mr. Durainey, I do not kid." A pretty blonde woman appeared next to Sheisskopf.

"Is everything all right here?" she asked airily.

"Ah. Mr. Durainey, allow me to EENtroduce your nurse. Zis is Vendy Vilkinson. Vendy, I believe you are already acQVAINted vith Mr. Durainey."

"Pleasure to meet you," she giggled.

"You're a nurse?"

"The best!" she assured him, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to look after the other patients." She smiled at him, and turned to leave. She promptly tripped over Durainey's bedpan.

"Whoops! Silly me!" she set the bedpan right, then continued on her way.

"A sveet girl, but no sense," Sheisskopf tutted. "Anyvay, Mr. Durainey, you appear to be in good health, and as soon as ze doctor releazes you, you can begin your duties at Plenoprobs."

"I'm looking forward to it, Mr. Sheisskopf. Um, before I forget…Just how well 'acquainted' is Nurse Wilkinson with me?"

"Oh, don't vorry, Mr. Durainey. You have not spoken vith Ms. Vilkinson. She has only seen you in check-up."

"Check up?" Durainey began to feel uncomfortable. "Just how much of me did she see?"

"Nurse Vilkinson is a professional, Mr. Durainey. She saw everthink ze doctor saw, of course. If you are vorried about your…er…schvanstucker, it's alright. It's nothink she hasn't seen before."

"Great," Durainey said weakly.

"Auf veiderzen, Mr. Durainey."

"Goodbye, sir." As Sheisskopf left, Durainey happened to catch a glance of himself in a nearby mirror. He did not appear to look unhealthy. Quite the opposite. There were, however, a pair of white feathers sticking out of his brown hair. Durainey reached up to pull them out, thinking they were nothing.

"Ow!" he exclaimed as he yanked on them. The sensation he felt was as if he had pulled out a piece of his own hair. He examined the feathers in his hand. Were they? Yes…These mysterious feathers appeared to be…

"Duck feathers?" Durainey frowned, and examined himself in the mirror once more. He turned around and looked at his back, where he discovered further shock. As he watched, tail feathers appeared to be growing out of his bottom!

"Holy shit. NURSE!!!" he shouted. Nurse Wilkinson came running.

"What seems to be the trouble?"

"THIS!" Durainey replied hysterically, indicating the tail feathers.

"Oh. Are they not supposed to be white?"

"WHAT?" Durainey exclaimed, "No, they're not supposed to be white! They're not supposed to be there at all! Humans don't have tail feathers! What's wrong with me?"

"Um…Let me go ask the doctor," Nurse Wilkinson scurried off.

Moments later, Durainey sat in a chair in the laboratory doctor's office, trying to shift to accompany his newly developed plumage.

"Mr. Durainey," Dr. Weisenheimer said, "We examined you thoroughly the other day.."

"We sure did!" Wendy ejaculated cheefully. Dr. Weisenheimer shot her a look and she clammed up. Durainey shifted uncomfortably.

"As I was saying, Mr. Durainey, We examined you thoroughly, and we discovered the following: When Jorge bit you, some of his saliva entered your bloodstream, and his enzymes reacted with your DNA. The result was some kind of combination between your DNA and Jorge's. You have now become the second successful duck-human hybrid in the known world! Congratulations."

"Wait a minute. You said second successful hybrid. You mean there was somebody else?"

"Did I say second? Ha-ha. Silly me. I meant…first! Of course! You are the first successful duck-human hybrid. All the more cause for celebration, don't you think?"

"No! I don't think it's cause for any kind of celebration! I'm going to become half human half duck! That's terrible!"

"Correction," interrupted Dr. Weisenheimer, "You're already half human half duck. Your systems are still adjusting to the changes that's all."

"You know what I mean."

"So…What's going to happen to me?"

"Well, You'll probably start growing a bill and more feathers…"

"I'm going to look like freaking HOWARD THE DUCK???"

"Well, in a rather general way of speaking, yes."

"I hate Howard the Duck," Durainey muttered.

"I always thought he was kinda cute," Wendy put in.

"I love Howard the Duck," Durainey said.