Well, I guess in a lame attempt to provoke posting havoc from you people, I present to you: My Rant on Curse Words!! In all its glory! wheee....

First off, let's take a look at all the conceivably "bad" words there are out there, and their status in the common man's mind.

"Crap" - One of the lower cuss words, it's mostly used to describe bad bad things, "this is a piece of crap!" or when referring to using the bathroom, "I gotta take a crap!" This ranks very low on the ladder of obscenities.

"Bastard" - Higher than crap, mostly used to call a man or object an offensive name. Bastard is actually not allowed to be on many family programming networks.

"Shit" - A little bit higher than crap, and bastard, shit is used in much the same way, only most people consider it to be much more offensive.

"Fuck" - Oh, now we're getting up there. Fuck is used in terms of sex, "I wannta fuck her!" sometimes as an exclamation, "What the fuck?" And many can be used in many more ways to refer to someone you just don't like, "Mother Fucker! You fucker! Fuck head!" and so on.

"Damn" - this is one of the worse curse words you can utter, especially if you happen to put "god" in front of it. Yes, that small three letter word can piss off a whole lot of people. Damn itself is just a tad bit less offensive than "God Damn" or "God Damn it!" But it happens to be such a close difference, that most people just gasp at both.

Now that we know where all the words rank in our society, we can properly rant about them. Ready people? oookay!

One of the problems I have with so-called curse words, is the fact that they dont really curse anyone. If anyone is more familiar with this, then it is I. Believe me; I've tried to curse many a person with these words...Doesn't work.

We know that they don't actually curse a person maybe that is how they came to be called "cuss words" in our modern slang-loving society. Perhaps by shortening the word, screwing with the way it is spelled and how it sounds, then it won't be as bad. And I believe this has worked its wonderful magic on the youth. I know when I was a young scallywag; I was much more comfortable with saying cuss, than curse. Perhaps that is just how the juvenile mind works. Perhaps...

So if the words don't really curse people, then what is the problem most people have with them? When exactly did our society become so (gasp!) offended at four letter words? I wouldn't be the one to tell you, because I've only been here for the past 16 years. Somewhere along the line, good church-going people decided that if their young people were to grow up without the influence of Satan, that they couldn't possibly say "those words" I am basing this on absolute imagination, however, the truth is there, somewhere during the time of humans, these words became no-goers. In my ongoing attempts to discover why this is, I have created many simulated processes of how this could have possibly come about.

1: People needed something to say when they were angry and/or pissed off. So they created a few nonsense words to do the trick for them. The holy underpants people of the church became jealous, and banned such words from their congregations, and any and all who were caught spewing forth such banished words, were soon put to death. And of course, people did not wish to be put to death, so they obeyed, and as the religion grew, more and more people were sucked in and taught that the words were bad because they made you die.

2: Sailors, whom everyone knows are dirty filthy beasts, would often encounter rough seas (no doubt, them being out on the seas so often) and when these times of hardship did occur (as often as they were) the sailors indeed created words of blather in times of great stress. Perhaps a man trying to control the ship, spewed forth a few nonsense words along with his angry grunting and growling, and later on, perhaps taught them to his fellow mateys as a way to relieve the stress from the ship. And of course, all the townspeople knew that sailors were dirty filthy beasts, so they forbid their children to repeat any words they heard around them. And we all know how many children were sucked into that by their parents as the population grew.

3: A meteor crashed on what was once Sri Lanka long long ago. Inscribed on it were all the words that people were not supposed to say. Underneath was a giant frowny face, and when someone found it, they thought it was a magic spell, so they took it to Merlin, who was still alive at the time, even though he was really old. Because he was so old, he had Benjamin Franklin invent him some bifocals with which to read the sacred tablet and the inscription thereon. It took him several years to translate it, but when he was done, he gave the tablet to Orville and Wilbur Wright, who used it to beat nails into their airplane with, and to knock down trees with for lumber with their friend, Paul Bunyan. In the mean time, Merlin was getting very old, and enjoying cussing people out, and spreading the foul words around the world. Eventually, he cussed himself silly, and is now living at Shady Oak Village Retirement Plaza in Manotowoc, Wisconsin. This is the exact location of the tablets. (Brought to you by Dave)

Now all of this may seem confusing, and it actually is. But the point I am trying to make is this:

Curse words are just that, WORDS! What is so bad about four letters put in a certain order? The word "duck" in English, could mean something totally rancid and horrifying in German but we still say it and the Germans haven't tried to kill us for saying it! I mean, come on people, it's just a fucking word! There is absolutely no power in it (save for expressing extreme emotions) and it doesn't really matter how they came to be taboo. Think on this folks, if it's just four letters, why is it such a horrible thing? When did something so small become so bad? Can you possibly try to see how mind bogglingly stupid people are to me?! How stupid do you have to be to be offended at a four letter word.?!

Now don't get me wrong people, I know that almost everyone is offended, so I try not to spew too many expletives when they're eavesdropping on me. However, just because I refrain from "cussing" does NOT mean that I don't think that the people who are so wholly offended aren't fucking idiots themselves! I still think that everyone who gasps at the words fuck shit and damn (gasp!) are complete fools, and so blinded by what they've been "taught" as a child that they can't comprehend that these words are harmless in and of themselves!!!

I can't believe that Christians and the other Bible-Nazis out there still think that these words are so horrible. I know that some people are.less than educated.but still.What keeps these people (and even quite possibly you) from realizing the simple facts of the previous paragraphs?!

Words are just words, and there's absolutely no feasible reason to fear/hate/gasp at them! SO STOP!!!

Love forever and always,

The ranting whore brought to you by miss-use of a condom: