Twas the day after Christmas, and up in the air,

Was nary a plane, helicopter, nor sleigh.

Since the children behaved like ill-mannered trolls,

They got nothing for Christmas but a few lumps of coal.

Tonight they were restless, and not in the bed,

Whilst they dreamed of pumping each other full of hot lead.

With Ma in her undies, and I in the nude,

We had just settled down to eat some cold food.

When out in the back there arose such a clatter,

I grabbed my machete to tend to the matter.

I opened the back door and cut down the weeds,

And in the yard sat Santa, who looked high off of speed.

"I fell from my sleigh, when Rudolph rebelled,

I think that I saw it hit the old city jail."

At that very moment, there was a great BOOM!

As barbecued reindeer were sent to their doom.

"Look, there goes Dasher and Dancer, and Prancer and Vixen."

As their entrails sailed over, here came Donner and Blitzen.

Comet and Cupid were burnt by the blast, and here came poor Rudolph, he flew over last.

I finally could tell, when the bleeding had stopped,

That zit on his nose: it had finally popped!

My wondrous rejoicing was abruptly cut short,

When I suddenly heard a ferocious snort.

There on the hilltop, all clad black and white

Were the escaped prisoners, (They made quite a sight).

I called out for Ma and my eight children, too.

Away to the yard they came, no, they flew!

Ma with her shotgun, all loaded and ready,

Timmy, an Uzi, and then came young Freddy.

He carried C-4's and grenades on his back,

And Sally supplied all the ammo packs.

Mary, her samurai sword gleamed and shone,

And Jerry, his knife could cut to the bone.

As John had a pistol, with bullets that sank,

Deep into the skin, Bill came with the tank.

And our youngest, Loretta, (She was only three),

Had a nuclear warhead, 'twas easy to see.

The bad guys now got it, they turned tail and run,

And my family rejoiced, standing under the sun.

The moral today, it aught to be taught,

If you break out of jail, then you'll probly get shot!