This Perfectly Normal Day in School
I was in my school, thinking about what to write. I clicked my Start button on the screen, and the mouse arrow popped up. I chose the Microsoft Word on the mouse menu, and the icon clicked the mouse. I wrote the whole story backwards, and made the text bright red. I took out my paint and my paintbrush, and dipped the paint in the brush. Then I drew a colourful picture on my keyboard to fit the story. When I was done, my story clicked the print button.
Out of the printer came the picture, and then my disc drive spat out a bunch of words. I had to glue them to a paper with old 260th-century stamps.
I handed in my computer and brought my desk to the next class.
I was supposed to make a bridge of cooked spaghetti. First, I had to bake it to de-cook it. Then I took lasagna plates and cracked them to pieces. With the pieces, I built a long tunnel and used spaghetti strings to tie it together. After that, I took the markers from the whiteboard and used the whiteboard to paint the bridge. I took my ripped apart book and puzzled it together to read the instructions.
As nothing special happened, I decided to bring my locker parrot out after the first short break. Suddenly, everything changed.
In the first period after the break, my parrot started screaming; "Miss Patty wants your assignments! Miss Patty wants your assignments!" ...In typical teacher manner!
I handed in my assignment and started writing the day's test. My parrot sat on the teacher's shoulder and the teacher was screaming and yelling for her to get off!
When I finished my test I had to take my parrot back to my locker. My teacher didn't like her company. As soon as my parrot was back in her locker, things returned to normal.
I arrived to my next class. I opened the window and entered through it. Then I brought a desk to my chair.
As the board started writing the day's assignment on the teacher, I was watching the poster in front of me. There was a skeleton on the poster, and as I watched, it came alive and started dancing!
I jumped up from my place and my desk began to tango with the skeleton. The teacher fetched her papers to rattle a rhythm, and all the students sang and played drums on their chairs.
When the class was over, the bell rang and the desks walked of. I had NHS – No Study Hall. I took out the room's pet anaconda from his aquarium, and again everything changed! Suddenly, the teacher told us to take out our books and study! The scandal! The horror! And Andrew the Talkative got sent to the office!
The teacher told me not to play with the anaconda, since he could strangle me. But that anaconda was the sweetest of snakes! He usually licks faces before he thinks twice. This time, however, he hissed at me and I hurried to put him back.
"Why has everybody got their books out?" the teacher asked. "And start chatting at once!"
We did, of course. When the lesson was over my stuff gathered me and my bag and brought us out of the room.
For lunch, we students had to keep the teachers from pushing in the lunch-line. There were only two fights, which is a new record! Strange. The cafeteria workers continued eating food at a slow pace, while we students had to work as hard as we could to keep them happy and not waiting. The teachers had long since finished their lunch, and all chipped in to pay for principal "The Fire Fist" Foreman's lunch. If they didn't, they'd have been up for a fight.
In the period after lunch, I really enjoyed myself. We got to bake. I placed the flour and the eggs and the sugar in the oven, and out came a wonderful cake, topped with egg shells and balls of watery flour. Yummy! The teacher loved it. We loved it. We gave it to the pet piranha. He didn't like it. Strange!
Then, we dragged ourselves out on the field, dressed in our normal clothes, and boots, since it was very warm. We had gym. And it was the perfect opportunity to try my new winter jacket – which was needed. We played tennis, and shooting that racket over the court with a tennis ball was really hard! I got all cold, standing on that net, exposed to the sun.
Fortunately, we all lived through it unharmed. Except the teacher. He tried to practice his "slam-The-Fire-Fist-in-the-face-move" and managed to hit himself on the head. The ambulance came just two hours later, and he's in a coma. They say he'll be as good as new tomorrow.
Then he'll practice again, and be as good as new for the next day. And so on...
The last class we had math. We had to take the square roots of negative numbers and we had to divide things by zero. Turns out, it's easy! Also, we drew 3D lines, with points in the famous (x,y,z) format.
Then the teacher took Merry the Mutt from his hiding-place under her desk. All of a sudden, all the numbers and problems in our textbooks changed. We had to take the square roots out of POSITIVE numbers! The horror! And we had to draw lines with ONLY TWO dimensions. Dimension Z was suddenly gone, and we were left with only X and Y… that meant 2D lines. Now how do you draw a 2D line in a notebook? Impossible!
Merry the Mutt disappeared again, and I stared blankly and uncomprehendingly at my work. Amazing! A mathematical break-through! If only I could figure out what I'd been doing…
Finally, the school bus got pushed out through the gates. I'm at the last stop on my route, and pushing all that way – in the end almost alone – is something I always look forwards to.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Author's Note;
Wrote that… six years ago. Found it on a forgotten disk at the bottom of a drawer. Decided to post it, due to its extreme sillyness.
Sillyness is good.
I was in my school, thinking about what to write. I clicked my Start button on the screen, and the mouse arrow popped up. I chose the Microsoft Word on the mouse menu, and the icon clicked the mouse. I wrote the whole story backwards, and made the text bright red. I took out my paint and my paintbrush, and dipped the paint in the brush. Then I drew a colourful picture on my keyboard to fit the story. When I was done, my story clicked the print button.
Out of the printer came the picture, and then my disc drive spat out a bunch of words. I had to glue them to a paper with old 260th-century stamps.
I handed in my computer and brought my desk to the next class.
I was supposed to make a bridge of cooked spaghetti. First, I had to bake it to de-cook it. Then I took lasagna plates and cracked them to pieces. With the pieces, I built a long tunnel and used spaghetti strings to tie it together. After that, I took the markers from the whiteboard and used the whiteboard to paint the bridge. I took my ripped apart book and puzzled it together to read the instructions.
As nothing special happened, I decided to bring my locker parrot out after the first short break. Suddenly, everything changed.
In the first period after the break, my parrot started screaming; "Miss Patty wants your assignments! Miss Patty wants your assignments!" ...In typical teacher manner!
I handed in my assignment and started writing the day's test. My parrot sat on the teacher's shoulder and the teacher was screaming and yelling for her to get off!
When I finished my test I had to take my parrot back to my locker. My teacher didn't like her company. As soon as my parrot was back in her locker, things returned to normal.
I arrived to my next class. I opened the window and entered through it. Then I brought a desk to my chair.
As the board started writing the day's assignment on the teacher, I was watching the poster in front of me. There was a skeleton on the poster, and as I watched, it came alive and started dancing!
I jumped up from my place and my desk began to tango with the skeleton. The teacher fetched her papers to rattle a rhythm, and all the students sang and played drums on their chairs.
When the class was over, the bell rang and the desks walked of. I had NHS – No Study Hall. I took out the room's pet anaconda from his aquarium, and again everything changed! Suddenly, the teacher told us to take out our books and study! The scandal! The horror! And Andrew the Talkative got sent to the office!
The teacher told me not to play with the anaconda, since he could strangle me. But that anaconda was the sweetest of snakes! He usually licks faces before he thinks twice. This time, however, he hissed at me and I hurried to put him back.
"Why has everybody got their books out?" the teacher asked. "And start chatting at once!"
We did, of course. When the lesson was over my stuff gathered me and my bag and brought us out of the room.
For lunch, we students had to keep the teachers from pushing in the lunch-line. There were only two fights, which is a new record! Strange. The cafeteria workers continued eating food at a slow pace, while we students had to work as hard as we could to keep them happy and not waiting. The teachers had long since finished their lunch, and all chipped in to pay for principal "The Fire Fist" Foreman's lunch. If they didn't, they'd have been up for a fight.
In the period after lunch, I really enjoyed myself. We got to bake. I placed the flour and the eggs and the sugar in the oven, and out came a wonderful cake, topped with egg shells and balls of watery flour. Yummy! The teacher loved it. We loved it. We gave it to the pet piranha. He didn't like it. Strange!
Then, we dragged ourselves out on the field, dressed in our normal clothes, and boots, since it was very warm. We had gym. And it was the perfect opportunity to try my new winter jacket – which was needed. We played tennis, and shooting that racket over the court with a tennis ball was really hard! I got all cold, standing on that net, exposed to the sun.
Fortunately, we all lived through it unharmed. Except the teacher. He tried to practice his "slam-The-Fire-Fist-in-the-face-move" and managed to hit himself on the head. The ambulance came just two hours later, and he's in a coma. They say he'll be as good as new tomorrow.
Then he'll practice again, and be as good as new for the next day. And so on...
The last class we had math. We had to take the square roots of negative numbers and we had to divide things by zero. Turns out, it's easy! Also, we drew 3D lines, with points in the famous (x,y,z) format.
Then the teacher took Merry the Mutt from his hiding-place under her desk. All of a sudden, all the numbers and problems in our textbooks changed. We had to take the square roots out of POSITIVE numbers! The horror! And we had to draw lines with ONLY TWO dimensions. Dimension Z was suddenly gone, and we were left with only X and Y… that meant 2D lines. Now how do you draw a 2D line in a notebook? Impossible!
Merry the Mutt disappeared again, and I stared blankly and uncomprehendingly at my work. Amazing! A mathematical break-through! If only I could figure out what I'd been doing…
Finally, the school bus got pushed out through the gates. I'm at the last stop on my route, and pushing all that way – in the end almost alone – is something I always look forwards to.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Author's Note;
Wrote that… six years ago. Found it on a forgotten disk at the bottom of a drawer. Decided to post it, due to its extreme sillyness.
Sillyness is good.