"Guy 1: Do you know about the black arts, son?
Guy 2: What, like, hip hop? Sure, I'm down with that.
Guy 1: No, necromancy!"
-Scary Go Round ( ---that dawt com)

"Mensa provides a place for hyperintelligent people with no social skills to find mates and breed more hyperintelligent uber-crotchfruit."
-Someone named Stewart Q. Sutton

"X...because it's extra, baby/Y?...because it's extra, baby"
-TMBG, in "S-E-X-X-Y."

"The purpose of satire, it has been rightly said, is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cozy half-truth; and our job, as I see it, is to put it back again."
-Michael Flanders (of Flanders & Swann), in their show "At the Drop of Another Hat."

"The Space Samurai is not one with whom to fuck."
-fan-service dawt org, which is actually an anime review site rather than a fanservice depot.

"For sale: baby shoes, never used."
-Ernest Hemingway, when asked to write a short story in six words

"Laugh hard, it's a long way to the bank"
-TMBG again--"Rhythm Section Want Ad"

"You're...a monorail, that's it. Your sic fast and powerful! Wide of view but narrow of purpose."
-Some guy on a forum

"The something awful stupidity has gone too far. I was on a german emulation site the other day and one of the news entries was "juhu!!!!111einseins"."
-Some different guy on some other forum (referring to the tendency of interweb users who go to a site called "something awful" to end statements with "!!!!!!!11!!!!!!111oneoneoneeleventyone" or words to that effect on purpose in order to make fun of people who use so many exclamation points that they end with some 1s by accident, for those of you who don't know the Intertron.)

"I put the 'Sexy' in 'Dyslexia.'"
-a T-shirt Hell shirt

"Prophets of the Awful Truth of Evil--POTATOE!"
-Urban Dead group

"Sometimes you can transcend these forces to become invincible. It's sort of like Buddhist enlightenment, but you flash different colors and can beat people up by just running into them. Actually, I take that back, it is very similar to Buddhist enlightenment."
-Something Awful (re a ROM)

"Inappropriate clich├ęs (traits) can be used to make attacks, provided the player roleplays or describes it in a really, really, really interesting manner."-The rules of a table RPG called Risus

"Honestly, I did it out of laziness and disinterest - but spite sounds a lot cooler."
-Randy Milholland of Something Positive

"(Savvy1) Quick guys, we need to call Captain Author to save the day!
(MC Baccarat) Use your magic nerd rings!
(Savvy1) Linux!
(MC Baccarat) Webcomics!
(MC Soda Culture) Video Games!
(Captain Mumblecore) Indie!
(Ken) Heart!
(Def Author) Hey guys, I'm here... what am I supposed to do, fight pollution or something?
(MC Baccarat) Heart?
(Ken) I just read the lines."
-The Frontalittle Squad, "Chainsaw"

"Mirror, mirror on the wall...show me...define me! I am the infinite telomerase! I am not an anti-existence! I am the perfect chain!!!"
-Albedo, one of the most frighteningly complete psychos I've ever seen in fiction, in the game Xenosaga. This quote valuable for its complete insanity, although it needs the incredible voice-acting for full impact.

"Let me start my proposal writeup on the Super Ninja Jesus Bomber (he stealthily planted his satchels FOR YOUR SINS)."
-Someone on an online game, when told realism shouldn't be considered when suggesting a new game feature.

"Dr. Thorpe: I guess we're just unabashed lameophobes.
Zack: Guilty as charged."
-A Something Awful article

"My company, 'Taking an Exam in your Underwear Inc.' is going public today. It's hard to believe that ten years ago this company was just a dream."
-Lore Brand WebComics

"As the bile slowly rises in my incandescent eluxulator, your mere presence has a calming effect upon my rabies, Kik.
Seven donkeys and a concubine cannot compare with the tarnished sheen left in your path of combustion, Rutger.
Ahhh, Rutger. Your unexpected explosion entangles us in a web of premature umbrellas and precocious timepieces."
-Some guy I was on IRC with

""Each of us is a God. Each of us knows all. We need only open our minds to hear our own wisdom."

"From a distance/It's hard to tell the difference/'Tween a king/And a tramp/'Tween a poet/And a hack/Maintaining radio silence from now on..."
-Elvis Costello, "Radio Silence" off of When I was Cruel

"Believe nothing, no matter where you have read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
-Buddha again

"You lack lust/You're so lackluster" and later "My case is closed/My case is packed"
-Elvis Costello again, from "Possesion" on Get Happy!