The Curse of the Low-Carb Burger

Midnight cravings for
Grease-licious fast food.
Red neon sign still
Awake at this hour.
Foreign man stands
Guard at cash register.
"What can I get
para tu, Senor?"
Burger!
And freeeeeench
Fries.
He notices my all-too-tight
t-shirt on a far-too-loose stomach.
I suck it in, to
Little avail.
"May I suggest, Senor, our
Atkins-diet
Fat-friendly
All-new
Low-Carb Burger?"
My lard rumbles and I fork
Over $ sixninetynineplustax.
Burger!
Where iiiiiis
It?
A crumpled white bag of
Sweet burger perfume in my hands.
Pass through the glass exit portal as
Cashier smirks and I accidentally jiggle.
Damp streetlight illuminates hick-
Truck '83 Ford
I drive home
Apartment 11C Level 4.
Can hardly contain my
Excitement as I open the bag.
Burger!
Whaaaaaat the
Hell?
The foreign creep stole my
Bun! All that's left is a patty
Scantily clad in wilting lettuce.
Doesn't he understand this
Is America?
Here we define burgers
As "meat" and "bun"?
Idunno what they do
Where he come from.
Burger!
"Loooooow
Carb"?
Tears falling from bun-
Desolate eyes, I wrap
My poor burger
In Wonder Bread.
What skinny freak condemned
My precious carbs to
Rot in cold freezer prison cells?
Atkins sucks
And now I'm ripped off seven bucks.
Burger!
Stiiiiiil
Hungry.