Sidewalks And Greek Gods

One day, I was a-walking along the road. But, when a car almost hit me, I went onto the sidewalk, where a bunch of people passed by me with their briefcases a-flailing and hitting me in the shins. But, they were in too much of a hurry to get to the subway to notice that my shins were bleeding and they just passed me by.
Finally, a big hole in the side-walking crowd, where I could just walk by without getting hit in the shins, but immediately, a bunch of people ran right into the hole in the crowd and hit me in the shins with their briefcases. Some of the ladies also ran into me with their grocery bags, but they were in too much of a hurry to stop and pick up all the groceries they dropped, 'cause they had to get to their house to feed their starving children, who had nothing but marshmallows in the pantry and eggnog in the fridge.
So, to get off the sidewalk, I walked into a store called "20 Dollar Hats Not Including The Tax!", which ironically sold the hats fro 40 bucks. I didn't buy any hats, but I bought a peanut butter sandwich for thirteen dollars. Anyway, inside was a large, African-american woman named Aphrodite who was shopping around and shouting out, "I am a large African-american woman named Aphrodite and that is the greek god of love or something!" and that is how I found out what her name was.
Then, as I walked by her, she tripped on a muffin and fell on me, bringing me to my death.