My first attempt at a song-fic. This is a country song. "How Do You Get That Lonely?" by Blaine Larsen. I loooooove this song.


It was just another story, printed on the second page

Underneath the Tigers' football score

I turned away from the storm outside. It was late, so very late. I listened to the nurse walking donw the hall. The soft padding of her footsteps soothed me.

He was only eighteen, a boy about my age

They found him face down on his bedroom floor

I hated the hospital. I'd been here for two weeks, walking back and forth in this impersonal, claustrophobic room. I just wanted to go home.

There are services on Friday, at the Lawrence funeral home

And out on Mooresville Highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone

I picked at the white gauze bandages on my wrists. Tears welled in my eyes. I wished desperately that I hadn't done this.

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all

Is better than the life that you had

How do you feel so empty, that you let it all go

How do you get that lonely . . . and nobody know

Why did I do this? I thought, regarding the fait blood-stains on my pale arms. There must have been a reason.

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun

Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?

What was so bad that I wanted to stop living with? I stared in the mirror at my lank hair and sunken eyes. I looked like the survivor of some horrible disease. Was that what I was suffering? A disease?

Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son

Did no one see the writing on the wall

I reached out, my palm touching that cold, silent, frail stranger staring back at me. I had a sudden flash of a girl in a bright room, her long gold hair swept back in neon butterfly clips. Her eyes were dancing. She was smiling.

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can

And I know hindsight's twenty/twenty but I still don't understand

When did that girl disappear? I turned from the mirror and looked at the room. It was cold, aloof, sinister. There weren't any sharp edges, no tubes, shred-proof sheets, shatter-proof glass. Nothing anyone could use to kill himself.

No way out, I thought. Disgust and despair rose in my throat. I fell to my knees crying. My body shook, all my sadness, all my exhaustion, everything I'd held back from that night, poured from me. I dropped my face to my hands, leaning against the frigid wall.

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all

Is better than the life that you had

How do you feel so empty, that you let it all go

How do you get that lonely . . . and nobody know

Why hadn't I just asked for help, why hadn't anyone noticed? Was it so hard to see how bad things were for me? Didn't anyone see. Yeah, I thought. They saw, they just didn't care.

I slid back into the corner where the light wouldn't reach me, where no one could see me cry. I let go of a wail of misery that I had never imagined could come from me. I was Wraith, I did not cry, not ever. I didn't have emotions.

It was just another story, printed on the second page Underneath the Tigers' football score

I wish I hadn't done this.


Here be it.

Please R&R. No R&R, no update.