Bittersweet

I sat in the back of the classroom, going cross-eyed trying to stay awake. The woman was so dull, no one in the class had not fallen asleep only once. I tried my best to stay awake, but tiredness was creeping over me, covering me. My eyelids drooped slowly, but I bolted awake again, only to be greeted once again with sleepiness. I looked at the watch, groggily, 10 more minutes. But that seemed like forever as the hand on the clock moved slowly. I was getting angry, paranoid; the clock seemed to be taunting me. Finally the minute hand moved, and stood frozen in its place, once again. The woman droned on and on. Her mouth was moving, but her voice was inaudible. Sleepiness had managed to block it from entering my ears, which, I was not sure if it helped or not. I glanced on my table; textbook open, pencils, notebook paper scattered. I looked over at the person beside me. ' So it had taken him too. Figures.' I thought to myself. His head was down, hands folded. I looked around, seemed everyone else was sleeping, or trying to stay awake. ' Wonder if they were out partying late last night, or, maybe, gotten a little busy in-'

My thoughts were interrupted as the bell rang, everyone bolting up from the sudden ring. I heard sighs around the room. I packed my stuff and was the first one out the door. The sun greeted me as I walked out into the school lawn. I groaned. Oh how I despised the sun. The brightness, the cheerfulness. It made me sick, just thinking about it. I found a tree to sit under. The shade enveloped me, and I was relieved. I looked out into the masses of people, only to end up rolling my eyes at their pathetic-ness. Idiots into cliques, and groups, gossiping and other crap they do. Oh, and, can't forget, talk about make-up with such enthusiasm. I had to keep myself from gagging. I pulled out my sand- which, and bottled water. I didn't waste my time with Coke, even if they did come in an environment safe aluminum can. I intended to keep all the calcium stored in my bones (from elementary school), thank you. I took a long, refreshing gulp of healthy water, when I noticed some of the girls from the group yards from me, pointing. Straight at me. What they were saying was inaudible, due to far distance, but one brunette nodded, and started walking towards me. I put down my water, curious what the heck she wanted with me. Couldn't be something I would be interested in. She was wearing a midriff baring, pink Tee, and low rise too tight pants. Surely she would just be coming to ask me for my vote for her for Prom Queen, or something pathetic like that. 'The levels people stooped for their 2 minutes of fame,' I thought. The girl came face to face with me.

"Hi," she said, sticking out her hand.

I looked straight at her, glaring. " What do you want?"

" Um.. My friends and me were just wondering-" she looked at her friends behind her, and they nodded. "- If you knew someone called Aris."

I looked at her like she was a bug I had just scrapped off my shoe. " WHAT?"

She stammered, not expecting to repeat her question.

" Uh- if you knew-"

" I heard what you said," I snapped. " Why THE HECK WOULD I KNOW A PERSON CALLED ARIS?"

" I-uh-I was-"

"NO. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE BY THE NAME OF ARIS. NOW GO AWAY. YOUR PRESCENCE IS UNWANTED HERE.''

She glared at me, appalled, angry at what I had just said. She scoffed and stormed away, back to her little troop of wannabe Britney's. She led the group away from me, and I couldn't be any happier. I noticed some people nearby were staring, and I gave them all a vicious look, they looked away, hurriedly. ' This was gonna be just my day,' I thought to myself, sarcastically. I took a bite of my sand-which, no longer caring if they were still staring or not.

I walked into the office, taking a seat by the door. I had gotten sent to the principal's office, again. The third time this month, and hey, I was slowly getting used to it. One of the ladies in the office, Ms. Rosalyn, gave me an irritated look, as if to say; " Here again, aren't you?" I looked out the window, and soon fell into a trance of watching a man and his son walk by. ' At least they're having a good day,' I thought sarcastically. ' Then maybe the apocalypse will arrive and I'LL have a rather nice day also.' I sighed, repeating the obvious that I would've given anything to be anywhere than to be trapped inside this horrid school.

Just then the door swung open, and I turned my gaze towards. him. A boy, about 5'6'', black naturally curly, short hair, pale blue eyes. I noticed he was wearing a Finch concert Tee under his jean jacket, which was covered with pins and patches. He walked over to Ms. Rosalyn, who was on the phone. She shot him an all too familiar annoyed look, and told him to take a seat. He turned, only to see me. I noticed he was.. Quite, what I considered.. Hot. He sat next to me, not saying a word. I became quite tense, when his lean body took posture on the seat beside mine. I didn't know why he was having this effect on me. ' Must be something I ate,' I thought. He pulled out a piece of paper, looking at it. I noticed he glanced at me, then back at the paper again. He turned to me,

" Do you know. Mr. Eishenhour??" He shot me a questioning look. I felt calm, but was nervous at the same time. I had no idea why.

" Room 218," I replied, sounding bored. He noticed this, and looked at me intently, with his pale blue eyes. Then this, feeling came back, and I couldn't explain it at all. I was getting irritated, not knowing why, or what the heck it was. I glanced at Ms. Rosalyn, who was busy chatting away on the phone. The boy seemed to notice this also, and said to me,

" Bet you anything that call's long distance." He smirked at me. I noticed he had a rather nice smile. I looked at him, straight into his eyes. I saw warmth, humor, and friendliness inside them.

" Name a state," I challenged him.

" Any state?" He asked.

" Any."

" Iowa."

" Tennessee."

He peered at me. " You seem quite sure of this."

I shrugged. " I'm guessing as much as you are."

" What are you in for?"

" Excuse me?"

" Did you get into a fight?"

" No."

" I figured that. You don't look like the type to be seeking out fights, let alone being in one."

" Then why ask me that?"

" My mind's wrong more than it is right."

" Figures," I laughed.

" So, you still haven't answered my question."

" I just disrupted the class."

He smiled at me. " Really? What'd you do? Throw paper airplanes and shoot spitballs?"

"No. Just, insulted the teacher."

"Oh.. So you started making homosexuality jokes."

"No," I snorted. " I believe I passed that around fourth grade."

He raised his eyebrows at me, intrigued. " Oh really, now?" I glared at him. " Is it necessary to ask all these questions to a complete stranger?"

" Complete strangers? I don't think so. We were just getting aquainted, weren't you listening?"

" Unfortunately, no. There's this weird buzzing noise in my ears, annoying me to death. Oh wait, its just you."

He raised his eyebrows at me, again. " Ahh.. So you're one of those types."

" And I believe you're one of those types who belong in a mental hospital," I snapped.

" Hostility, hostility," he said, shaking his head. " Were you born in a freezer?"

" Ouch," I said, sarcastically and annoyed. " That really hurt. You know what? I like your jokes. Why don't you try them on some big guys later and see if they like them too?"

" Ahh.. I believe I can only grace one person's life today. Lucky you: today's your day."

" Ahh, yes, I agree. Lucky me. I get to be amazed by your horrendous amount stupidity today. Hand me some popcorn, will you?" He laughed. " You're good."

" Pardon me? I thought I was hostile."

" OH, you are, believe me. But you have a weird sense of humor. It amazes me."

" Glad you enjoyed it. Now do us both a favor and go away."

" Wait.. I'm not done yet."

I sighed, frustrated.

" You haven't got any friends, have you?"

" You haven't got a brain, have you?" I snapped.

" Hey, I was being friendly."

" Yeah, friendly is asking people if they have friends or not. Wow, you must be the friendliest person in the world."

" You know what? I like you. Wanna come back with me to my car and make out?" I looked at him, appalled. Then I realized he was just kidding.

" Well, you know what? I don't like YOU. So why don't you just be a doll, and please go away."

" I find that hard to believe. Everyone likes me."

" 'Everyone', does not include me. Humanity disappoints me."

" Why don't you like me?"

" Because you're an idiot."

" I can fix that, anything else?"

" No, I'm afraid you cannot fix being an idiot. Once an idiot, always an idiot. Get over it."

" You sound so sure of it."

" That's because I am."

" From experience?"

I shot him one of my meanest looks. 'Why was I even wasting my time with this idiot? I'm disgusted at myself,' I thought. Finally I just decided to turn the other way, and do what I do best; ignore.

He remained quiet for sometime, and I was glad. I really needed a break from his endless babbling.

" All this silence is making me hungry. Wanna ditch and go somewhere to eat?"

" I'd never go anywhere with you, idiot."

" My name's Aris." Suddenly I remembered that girl at lunch, asking me if I knew somebody with that name. ' Unfortunately,' I thought to myself. ' Now I do.'

" -And if you would just cooperate, then you'd know that I'm NOT an idiot." I didn't respond, and I heard him move around in his seat. " I hate girls," I heard him mutter. I chuckled to myself. ' Funny,' I imagined me saying to him. ' I hate ALL humanity; girls, boys, you name it. Its all the same to me, everyone's all the same to me.'

" You.. Hate.. Girls.. Hmm.. That means you must like boys," I said to him. " Funny, I've never met a gay boy before."

He laughed, shaking his head. " You said you were past gay jokes."

" My inner child wanted to come out and play." He smiled at me.

" Trinity? The principal will see you now," I heard someone say. I grabbed my stuff and stood up.

" Trinity? Well.. That's a rather.. Unique name." I flashed him a sarcastic smile.

" Bye Aris, I hope to never see you again. Maybe 10 years from now we'll meet again, and, maybe by then you'd have found a decent boyfriend." I started walking.

" Oh, you'll see me again, believe me. Sooner than you hope," I heard him call out to me. I caught myself almost smiling sincerely, and I swore under my breath. No one has ever made me do that. I wasn't going to start now.

I walked into Mrs. Olivan's office. She motioned for me to take a seat. I sat down, my backpack making a ' thud' on her neat, carpeted floor. She put down her glasses, and I prepared myself for lectures, and people trying to dig into my personal life. All that crap they did nowadays.

" Trinity, this is the third visit this month. What'd you do now?"

" I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

She sighed. " You're making my job very difficult to do, Trinity."

I remained silent, staring her down.

"Maybe.. Are you having any problems with your peers, or your household?"

" No."

" Then what is it? I know it isn't your schoolwork, you're acing every class you have."

" I honestly don't know, Mrs. Olivan. Isn't it your job to tell me?''

She glared at me, but then sighed again, making a mental note to buy more aspirin.

She always did that; every student said so. She regained her posture.

" Fine, if you're not going to tell me anything, I shall assign you a therapist partner."

" A WHAT?"

" A therapist partner. It's a voluntary program we have started, having students volunteer for college credit. It's to help other students cope through their problems."

" You're kidding me."

" I kid you not, unfortunately. I am convinced it is the best for you, considering you have many feelings locked inside."

" Okay, what makes you think that I would tell some strange kid, my feelings and thoughts, when I don't even tell YOU or my parents anything."

" Well, me and your parents have discussed this, and we think one reason is because you think we're too old and wouldn't understand; therefore, we are assigning you a partner your age."

" Unbelievable," I said, shaking my head.

" Your sessions will begin tomorrow, during study hall. DO NOT BE LATE. And, you must go, in order to pass this grading semester. "

I stared at her.

" You may leave," she waved to the door. I sighed and headed out. ' Pathetic idiots,' I thought. ' They are convinced they can help me, and try. When all they are doing is proving me right.'

I got home; glad to see that I would be alone, without my parents pestering me about school- and other stuff that's a waste of time talking about. My parents would be home around eight p.m., with the message on the answering machine to prove me right. My parents worked late, almost always. But sometimes they would come home early, and I'd ask why, but they always hurried away, saying they had to call their secretary because of some business they had forgotten. They were hiding something from me- but I honestly didn't care. On most days, I was too tired and irritated to care or try to figure out what the heck it was. I collapsed on my bed, a wave of relief washing over my tired, tense body as it touched the soft cotton of my bed sheets. Although I was awfully sleepy, and felt my eyelids get heavy, I took some time to stare up at the ceiling. I didn't know why, but I just felt like it. I thought about today and what had happened; and my mind lingered to the boy- Aris. No doubt, he was the most, what you can say, " excitement" or " breath of fresh air" that had happened in my life for the past few years. My life was boring, I admit to it. It was about time I had something else to be angry at instead of the usual: bright mornings, my teachers, my teacher's overused lectures on our corrupted society due to violence, gangs and drugs. But there was also, just something about him- his aura, maybe. He had that warm look in his eyes, so welcoming. He was quite good looking, I must admit. My type, actually, if he hadn't opened that trap of his. Then that brunette also came back into my mind. I wondered why she had asked me, she didn't even know me. 'Nobody knew me,' I thought to myself. 'Because they didn't want to.' But even if they did, they wouldn't. No matter how hard or how long they tried.' I shut my eyes, the tiredness enveloping me once again. Darkness surrounded me, and my thoughts faded away as I drifted out to dreamland.

I walked into class, taking a seat in the back, as usual. Today hadn't started out so bad; the sun wasn't bright outside, it was gloomy, and my parents had left early, therefore clearly avoiding the conversation of school, homework, and whatever parents were interested in finding out about their kids. Mrs. Mendoza stood up from behind her desk, with a huge smile on her face. She was wearing a lime green blouse with a black skirt. And I had noticed today that she had actually put some effort into applying her make-up on this morning. And she was still smiling at us; I was amazed. Well, more amused than amazed. She had never looked this happy at school, or even looked this way. Her complexion glowed, and there was even a little bounce in her step. ' Somebody got lucky last night,' I thought amusedly. There was no other explanation, knowing Mrs. Mendoza.

" Class, well, as you all know, we are having a formal dance coming up," the girls started chatting excitedly. "- And we need a band, or Deejay to play, so if you know anyone, please tell the person in charge of the dance committee." She smiled even wider. It was beginning to make me sick. Just then a man in a tie and collared shirt came in. " Lauren, you're needed," he said to her, and she nodded. " Class, spend this time to finish any assignments, talk, whatever, I have to attend to some business." And with that she disappeared out of the class. I rolled my eyes, trying to determine just WHAT the heck I should do to make such a use of this time I had on my hands. I decided to just listen to some GOOD music and sketch, for the remaining time I had left. I got out my Walkman, slipped it on, and started sketching in my sketchbook.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I walked down towards the auditorium, where the so-called " therapy sessions" would be at. I shook my head, saying how ridiculous it was. I opened the door, and there I saw a group of students, talking. My stomach lurched- I was an antisocial. I took a seat in the back, where no one would notice me, without trying so hard not to. I waited about 5 minutes before a man spoke into the microphone.

" Okay, students, this is how it will go. Pick a partner, aquaint yourselves, and talk away. Therapists, I expect a report analysis by the end of the week, and the others, I expect an essay on how this helped you and why, also, at the end of the week. You may proceed."

I snorted. He didn't say ' How this DIDN'T help you and why not.' Geez, he must think he's so great, providing SUCH A GREAT program for us. He must be SO PROUD of himself.

" Howdy Partner," I jumped, surprised. I looked to see who it was, and to my surprise, it was idiot boy once again.

" Excuse me?"

" PARTNER. You're my partner, everyone else is taken." He smiled at me, wide. ' Enough with the smiles today,' I thought to myself. " Fine, " I snapped. That caused him to smile even wider. I sighed in disgust.

" Please, stop smiling. I beg you."

He stopped, and shrugged. " You said 'please' AND begged. Today must be my lucky day."

He sat beside me, facing and turned my way. " So.. How's your life. Trinity?"

" Horrible. Though, you didn't need to ask, did you?"

" And, why do you think it's horrible?"

" Because I am trapped in this horrid school for another two years, stuck with pathetic idiots- like you. Need I say any more?"

He nodded, and peered at me. " And.. Tell me exactly why do you consider them-me, idiots?"

" Because you are- it's the truth." He looked at me, like he was trying to read me or something. That really disturbed me.

" What?" I snapped.

" I'm just thinking about what I'm going to write down on the my analysis report.

Maybe something like; ' Jerk who labels everyone an idiot but herself, showing that she is highly conceited or just highly stupid.'"

I glared at him. " I don't think you want to know what I'm planning to write on my essay about YOU. I don't want you to cry and embarrass yourself, for that would just be far too easy."

He smiled at me. " You amaze me, again. I applaud you."

I just stared at him. How his mind worked, I honestly did not know.

" So.. Problems, problems. Tell me about your problems."

" Why?"

" I'm curious to know, and, it's for your grade."

" We get a grade for this? You've got to be kidding me."

He smiled, but continued on. " What? Did you break up with your boyfriend? Your grandma died? What is it that's making you so hostile towards people?"

" For your information, I don't have and never will have a boyfriend, my grandma died years ago, and I'm hostile towards people because that's who I am. I have NO problems to discuss with you."

He raised an eyebrow at me. " No boyfriend? Are you serious?"

" I believe you're missing the point."

" That's why you're so angry and pissy; you've never been in love."

I glared at him. " That's not it."

" Then what is it?"

" I'm angry and 'pissy' because you're asking me all these pointless questions," I said,

but he still wouldn't get off the ' boyfriend' topic.

" Tell you what, I'll set you up with my friend Nick-"

" NO."

" Why not? It's only going to help."

" Yeah, help me be EVEN MORE miserable and hostile. I don't need some boy I don't even know to set me up with some strange guy."

He shot me a curious look.

" I choose to be alone, because I want to be. Now end of discussion."

He sighed, and shook his head as he wrote down something on his paper.

" Someone's going to prove you wrong, wait and see." I rolled my eyes at him. ' You don't know me at all,' I said in my head.

At lunch, I sat by my usual spot again. I slipped on my walkman, and pulled out my salad and bottled water. No, I wasn't on a diet. I just haven't felt like eating. The music filled my ears, and I gazed out into the masses of people. I watched them, like an unknown presence. I saw some girl hugging what might have been and probably was her boyfriend, and that familiar smile on her face; the one that I usually saw on Hallmark cards. The smile of happiness and satisfaction. I shook my head, disgusted, but then I also felt my heart sink. I didn't know why, but my conscience was trying to tell me. I tried to block it out, using strain.

'You don't want to be alone, if you had a choice, you wouldn't be. You want SOMEONE,' It hissed in my head. 'You want that same smile on your face.'

' No I don't, ' I hissed back. ' I was meant to be alone, and alone is what I'll be. Happiness and love is fake, just something to get you away from the real world: destruction, pain, and sadness. And all you'll end up having is a broken heart. I don't need that. I don't want that. I'm happy this way.' An evil laugh echoed through my brain.

' You? Happy being like this? You're just as blind as everyone else, maybe even more.'

' Don't you EVER compare me to everyone else,' I growled.

' Why not?' my conscience snorted. ' You're just like them. Just as stupid, and blinded by what you think is meant to be. Even though you know in your heart it's not true.' I was about to reply when my conversation was interrupted.

" Hey partner!" Aris sat beside me. I glared at him. "What makes you think you're wanted here?"

" I don't think," he smiled at me. " I know." He started unpacking his lunch. I sighed in disgust. " Go away, please."

" Why? I thought this might give us more time to get ' aquainted.'"

" I think we've ' aquainted ourselves enough. I just want to be alone." Though my walkman was on, I could still hear him. He looked at me, then raised his hand and slipped my headphones off. I had no idea what he was doing, but I was completely frozen as his hand brushed against my hair. I stared at him for some while, baffled, then I regained my wits.

" What did you do that for?" I snapped.

" Having a conversation with your headphones on. That's rude," he said, chewing.

" Oh, and just sitting beside me, when I want to be alone, uninvited, isn't rude? What are you on, Aris?"

He brightened up. " You said my name."

" Duh. I'm not some one year old still learning 1-2-3's and alphabets." We stayed silent for a while, and I looked away, staring out into the masses of people once again. After a couple of minutes, I noticed he was staring at me. I sharply turned my head towards him.

" What?"

" What?" he said, startled.

" Don't think I don't see you staring," I said, harshly.

He shrugged. " I'm not the first guy to stare at a girl."

I sighed, disgusted. " Sure you're not. But if you're going to do that, please do that to some cheerleader with big breasts. That's what guys usually do, and I don't want to break the tradition," I said sarcastically. He snorted at me, and shook his head.

" You don't know me at all," he said, taking a sip of his coke. I rolled my eyes. He looked at me.

" I think I know girls like that are up to no good."

" Oh yeah?" I said sweetly.

He nodded. "My cousin's just like that. In fact, there she is, staring me down right now." He was looking straight ahead. I followed his gaze, and it led to the brunette girl that had asked me if I knew an ' Aris' a few days ago. She was staring back at us. She noticed me looking at her, and she glared. I glared back at her. Aris turned back to me.

" In fact, my type's the complete opposite."

" Your 'type'?" I snorted.

" Yeah. I like quiet, sarcastic, brutal girls who hate everything and everyone." He smiled at me.

" Oh, very funny," I said. But he just smiled at me.

" What about you?" He asked.

" I don't have a type."

" Seriously?"

" Yes, seriously."

He shot me a questioning look. " You mean I have a shot, then?" I rolled my eyes, but I didn't respond. My conscience was telling me I was growing quite ' chummy' with him, and that I probably liked him. But I blocked it all out, because I didn't want it to be true. But I couldn't bring myself to say that he didn't have a chance, because then I'd be lying. But I'd lied many times before, why was it hard to do now? My conscience answered,

' Because you don't want to push him away. You WANT him to have a shot. And you want him to win.' I strained, trying to argue with it, but it ended up being right. But I swore to myself that it wouldn't be, because I wouldn't let it. And my conscience answered once again, laughing evilly.

' Stupid girl. You'll eat your words, wait and see.'

"So." Aris obviously didn't know what to ask me about next. He picked at my personal life, my parents, and friends. I didn't even know what there was left to talk about. He looked up at me.

" Anything else you want to tell me?"

" Yeah."

" Really?" He asked, intrigued.

" Yeah. Like, how about, ' get a life?'"

He shook his head, writing down something on my so called ' analysis report.'

" You are SO going to fail this," he muttered. But I noticed he was also smirking.

I sighed. " I don't need a ' therapist partner,' okay? I don't have anything to discuss with YOU. It's my life, my problems, so it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

He looked at me, peering. " I understand that, I really do. But what I don't understand is your 'attitude.' I mean, I'd hate it too, but you, you're just the epitome of hate, aren't you?"

I gave him a weak, sarcastic smile. " Ha. Ha. Ha. You are just ever SO funny."

He smiled at me. " Thank you. Its time that you've noticed." I rolled my eyes.

" So.. Parents."

" We've been through that already."

" I don't care. PARENTS."

I sighed, irritated. " They don't understand me, or what I'm going through. But I wouldn't expect them to. I live in my world, they live in theirs. That's the way it is."

He looked at me, and I couldn't read his expression.

" You don't even bother talking to your parents, do you?" I stayed silent. I didn't. In fact, I did anything to avoid talking to them. They would always try to pry into my life, my friends. They questioned what I did, who I was. ' Why can't you be like her? She's sweet, and she dresses so pretty.' I remembered my mom always asking me that when I was little. She would always be reminding me I wasn't what she wanted me to be. She wanted me to wear frilly, pink dresses, and be interested in what the other little girls were into. What and who she wanted me to be was all so fake. She just didn't realize it. And what bothered her the most was the fact that I had grown up far too quickly for her. I was no longer her 'little girl.' Only she didn't know that she was the one who made me mature quickly. I had to, in order for her to take me seriously, to treat me the way I deserved and wanted to be treated. Aris was staring at me, silently. Then I had noticed I had been quiet; thinking about my parents.

" I'm not who they want me to be," I said, quietly. I had never told anyone that. Partly because I had no one to tell, and partly because I had never thought about it that deeply before.

He nodded. " I understand. My parents don't get me either." I looked at him, and he looked down on his scuffed up Converse sneakers. " They want me to ace all my classes, go to Harvard, become a lawyer or a doctor or something fancy like that." I could tell he had no desire to do something like that, and it made him sad to think about what his parents wanted, and what he couldn't be. I knew exactly how he felt.

I nodded, and he looked at me.

" Looks like we have something in common after all," and he smiled at me. I caught myself smiling back, and I decided to let it go. It wasn't often a boy shared something like that with me. In fact, there was never a time a boy shared with me at all. And I was kind of glad he was the first. Not everyone was as shallow and pathetic as I thought they were. Well, for the most parts anyway.

**************************************************************************** *******

Weeks passed, and my 'sessions' were getting quite easier. We started becoming friends, and I decided to let it be, because it would do no harm. Or so I thought. I was heading towards the school auditorium, on a Saturday, because they all agreed to meet up there, to 'get to know' everyone. I thought it was ridiculous, and I wasn't going to go, until my mom found the reminder slip in my room, and forced me to go. I walked into the auditorium, and people were there already, including Aris. They greeted me happily, and I just put on a fake smile and played along. Aris noticed this, and decided to mock me of it.

" Gotten soft, have you?" He whispered playfully to me. His breath on my skin made my skin tingle, but I dismissed it right away. I felt my stomach flip, noticing how close he was to me.

" Shut up," I snapped. And he just laughed, pulling and walking away to mingle some more. I just stood there, with my fake smile, and fake enthusiasm. He was right. I had gotten soft. And I hated myself for it.

Soon, we started, and we all sat down, Aris beside me. The speaker was a girl, Elizabeth, who was the president or whatever they called her. But she was in the one charge of the meetings. She was smiling happily and kept making jokes, which everyone laughed, except me, and I began to feel out of place. Which was right; I was out of place. I was mad when I had found out we had only come here to play games and ' have a good time.' I could be having a good time, alone, in my room, thank you. But no, I was forced to come here, and pretend I liked being here and enjoying myself. And oh goodness, the people. They were always laughing, smiling, making stupid jokes, I was sick of it. I tried leaving, but Elizabeth, the girl who I now hate so much, caught me, and put me on the spotlight. I saw Aris smirking and just barely holding in his laughter, while I made up some phony excuse why I was going out. I told her I had to go to the bathroom, and she smiled and told me the bathroom was the other way. I made my way there, blushing furiously. Oh how I hated being here.

When I came back, they were all huddled up in a group, sitting together in a circle. I tried quietly sneaking back out, but they caught me, and forced me to sit down with them. I sat by a girl named Hannah, and Aris was in front of me, smirking madly. I sighed, and looked away.

" Okay, so, you've all agreed to play truth or dare." My eyes widened in realization of the words that she had just said. I stood up, and everyone looked at me.

" I never agreed," I said.

" Well, its us against you. Too bad, you lose," one guy said. I glared at him. I looked at Elizabeth. She shrugged. " You have to play, everyone else is. And don't forget this is part of your grade." She was smiling like mad.

" What? Are you kidding me? Playing some elementary game is part of our grade? What are you on?" Everyone laughed.

" There is a behavior and cooperation grade, Trinity," she said. " You don't play, you fail. Just do it, no harm can come from it."

I stared at everyone, disbelief written on my face. I couldn't believe it. 'Idiots, idiots!' I wanted to yell. But, I just finally gave in, after all, she did say no harm would come from it. Little did I know, MUCH harm can come from it.

A girl named Leslie went first, and dared Alfred to lick the sole of his shoe. Disgustingly, he did it. Then, Alfred asked a girl named Marie who she liked, for she chose Truth. She blushed furiously, and denied liking anyone, but they forced her, and she confessed her crush on this guy in our group, Mike. Then someone asked him if he liked her, and he did. Needless to say, they dared them to kiss, and a brand new couple was formed from the childish game. I was amused; these people were amazedly obedient, AND stupid. I was rather intrigued.

" Trinity." I jumped, and looked at who said my name. It was a girl named Taryn. She was smiling. " Truth or Dare."

" Truth," I said. There was no way I would lick the sole of my shoe or do whatever they told me to. No way.

She glanced at the person beside her and smiled even wider. A mischievous glint in her eyes. " Crush," she said. " Tell us who you like." Everyone started smirking, but didn't say a word. I, obviously, didn't know what to say. I didn't like anyone, of course, but my gut said I did. My eyes darted to Aris, and he was looking at me, not even smiling. I saw curiosity in his pale blue eyes. I looked away, I was afraid that I might blurt out his name if I started thinking about him.

" No one," I said aloud.

" That can't possibly be true, " Taryn said. " There's got to be someone who you at least think is hot."

" No one," I repeated. Then she shrugged and decided to let it go. But I saw her glance at Aris, who was smiling at his friend beside him. She whispered something to Amanda, and Amanda looked at me.

" Your turn," she said.

I shook my head, " You can go," I said. But right after that, I knew what a huge mistake I had made. She smiled wide, and looked at Aris.

" Aris," she said. He turned to her.

" Dare," he said, and her smile got even wider.

Her eyes flickered to me. " I dare you.. To kiss Trinity." Everyone oo-ed and aahh-ed. I was horrified. They were all smiling like this was the juiciest gossip they've heard in a million years. They shoved him forward, towards me, and Hannah and her little friends were shoving me also. I felt so.. Angry. But nervous. Was he really going to do it? My stomach felt like it was sinking, and my heart was beating faster and faster. I felt my breathing get heavier. They were shoving me towards him, and the next thing I know, someone had pulled me up on my feet, Aris also. They were so loud, and blood was pounding in my ears. I just wanted to turn and run away, but as I attempted, they grabbed my arms and pulled me back in. And I ended up bumping up against Aris. I turned around, and I saw that all this didn't amuse him. His eyes were dark, and he stepped towards me. I was frozen, I couldn't move, but my head was screaming ' RUN! RUN!' But he raised his hand to my cheek, and his hand on my skin sent my mind to just suddenly stop. I was frozen; my feet felt as if they were rooted into the ground. I was looking into his eyes, and I couldn't find what he was feeling. But he sent a clear message to me: ' let me do this,' his eyes said. I felt like I was going to cry; this was against everything I had said, everything I had sworn to myself. Then he lowered his lips unto mine, and I heard the people go crazy, but it all faded away into silence. My senses were screaming at me, and I was trembling. Soon in my mind it was just me and him, his lips against mine. I started to kiss him back, but then a surge of electricity, a surge of realization, shot through my body. My eyes widened in shock, and I pushed him away. He stumbled back, and I turned and ran. They tried to catch me, but I was just too fast. I ran out the school into the parking lot, got into my car quickly, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I screamed at myself, mentally, for crying, because I was not weak. But I blocked it out, for once. I started the car, and drove out into the road, with tears stinging my eyes. I tried wiping them away, but they kept coming back, making my vision blurry. I was worried I'd get into an accident this way, so I pulled up and stopped my car. I cried; something I hadn't done since I was 11. I cried because I hated myself, my life, Aris. I cried because I had done something that I had sworn to myself I would never ever do. I had fallen in love.

" Ring.. Ring.. Ring.." I woke up, groggily. I squinted and looked around. I was still in my car. ' I must've fallen asleep,' I thought to myself. I dug in my bag to find my cellphone, and answered it. ' Yeah?' I said, faintly. I tried rubbing the sleepiness out of my eyes, but it didn't help.

" Trinity?" the voice said. The voice was familiar, but I couldn't quite place who it was. I heard murmuring behind her.

" Thank God!" I heard her sigh. " We've been trying to call you, because some of your friends told me you ran off." Then I remembered; it was my mom.

" Friends?" I asked.

" Yeah, your friends from your therapy class."

I suddenly got angry again. I was disgusted at the mere thought of them; Aris the most. How dare he try to KISS ME? Just so he could pass the freaking class? I suddenly had the urge to start hitting something: to get my frustration out. Not my anger, no. I would save that for later.

" They're not my friends," I snapped.

She sighed. " They said you ran off, and figured you went home, so they came here."

" How the heck did they get my freakin address?"

She ignored my question. " They were worried; after they had found out you hadn't come home at all. They told me their meeting had ended 4 hours ago, Trinity. We thought something had happened to you. We were worried sick." I snorted. " Tell them they shouldn't have wasted their breath."

" Trinity," she warned me. " They're nice people. Why can't you at least be nice back?" Rage was boiling up all over again inside me. She didn't know what they had done. They had made my life 10 times worse. How was everything going to ever be normal now? I didn't reply.

" What happened?" She asked me. I ignored her.

" I'm on my way back," I said firmly, and hung up.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

I drove up to the driveway, and saw some cars parked there already. I sighed; irritated. I put my car on park, and grabbed my bag. I was furious when I reached my house. I decided to use my house keys; I didn't want to look at their pathetic faces when I didn't even have to. I stomped inside, and I heard voices in the kitchen. But then they heard me, and rushed out. I took one glance at all of them, and then headed to my room.

" Trinity-"

I briskly walked past them. I didn't want to talk about it with them. Not with anyone, not anywhere, not anytime. But then someone grabbed my arm. I sharply turned; only to see it was Aris. His eyes were filled with guilt, but I wasn't going to get sucked into their little game. No, not anymore. I had played along, I did. I had gone to their pathetic little 'therapy sessions.' I had had enough.

" Trinity, I'm sorry," his eyes were pleading at me. I felt my heart turn into ice, and all my emotions slipped away. I was feeling nothing but rage and hate now. I jerked my arm away from him.

" Don't you dare speak to me," I snapped, and walked to my room. I slammed the door, and locked it. Suddenly I let out a scream. After screaming it all out, I felt better. But only a little. Nothing could've made this any better now.

" Trinity, Trinity, open up, please," I heard knocking on my door. It was my mom once again.

" GO AWAY."

" Your friends want to talk to you."

" HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS?!"

I heard shuffling, and hushed voices. I ran a hand through my hair, and sat down on my bed. I just wanted to be alone. Like I've always been. Why were they making that so hard?

" Trinity, I'm so sorry." It was a new voice. It was Aris.

" Leave, Aris," I said, cruelly.

" You don't understand why I did that, Trinity. If you'd just let me explain-"

" There's nothing to explain, Aris. You kissed me to pass the freakin class, end of discussion."

" No, no, that's not it-"

" JUST GO AWAY!" I screamed. " I D0NT NEED A FREAKIN EXPLAINATION!"

" Trinity, if you'd just listen-"

" I'm not listening to this," I muttered, as I fished out one of my CD's and put it in my boombox. I pressed 'play' and turned the volume up until it was pounding in my ears, and Aris's words became slurred and hard to understand. I smiled, satisfied, but I felt tears sting my eyes once again. ' Listen to him,' my conscience hissed. I shook my head, ' No. I don't want to. I don't need to hear what he has to say.'

' Oh, but you do.'

' I don't.'

' You're scared, face it, Trinity,' it echoed in my head. Even the music couldn't block it out. I sat down on the floor beside my bed, and put my head in my hands, struggling not to cry again.

' You're scared to hear what he's going to say. You're scared to hear that he did it because he's fallen in love with you too.'

" No," I whispered to myself.

' Oh yes,' it hissed. ' Trying to hide yourself from the truth, are you now?' It chuckled maliciously. ' You're even weaker AND stupider than I thought.'

' No!' I screamed back. ' I'm NOT weak or stupid.'

' Look at yourself, ' it replied. ' You're crying, but trying to deny why you are.'

' I'm not crying,' I said, but a tear slid down my cheek. ' You're pathetic,' it snorted. ' But know this; you cant hide forever. It WILL come and find you, just like it does everyone else. You're just wasting your energy. You're blinded, by what you think your fate is, even when you know it is wrong. No one can make up their fate. It is given to you, and you accept it. It is the only way. Maybe you can change a path, but you can't change it all. Only fools try, and they end up with nothing. Are you a fool?' It got fainter, but it still rang through my head. ' Do you want to end up with nothing?'

I stayed in my room the next day, only to go out when I had to use the bathroom, and to eat. But besides that, nothing else. My parents had knocked, asking if I wanted to talk about it, but I refused, and they gave up and said they had to go to work. I didn't know what I was doing, or why. But I didn't have the motivation to find out. I decided not to go to ' therapy sessions' anymore, because of what had happened. I couldn't even bare to think about him, let alone talk to him about my ' feelings.' All that was crap anyway. I had known that from the beginning, why had I let it go this far? I shook my head at myself. I didn't know why.

Just then I heard laughing ringing through my ears. ' Confused, are you now, child?'

' Go Away,' I hissed back. But it refused to go away.

' Won't you listen, just for once?' ' No.'

' You're a fool.'

' You already told me that, once before, but thank you for reminding me.' ' Don't be sarcastic towards me, you pathetic idiot. I tell you what you are truly feeling, yet you still deny me and try to make up a bunch of conclusions that are even still far off.'

' You LIE,' I hissed. It laughed once again, its evil laugh ringing through my mind. ' Oh, I'm the one that's lying? Then who are you? Jesus Christ? You surely don't know what you are talking about.'

" Go AWAY," I said through gritted teeth. ' Not until you admit it, you stupid girl.' ' There's nothing to admit when all you are telling is lies.'

' On again with me lying, are you now?' It snorted. ' You need help, child. Seek it, before it is too late.' I didn't reply. I just wanted it to go away, once and for all. ' Did you not admit you had fallen in love with the boy?'

' I did,' I said, hesitantly.

'Then why are you being so difficult? Go tell him, before it is too late.'

' But its not real,' I insisted. ' This is just probably a phase I'm going through.' It laughed again. ' It's real, love. Get over it. Anyone can fall in love. Even a heartless witch like you.'

' But I CAN'T fall in love. I was meant to be alone. That was the card fate dealt me.'

' You don't know anything about fate. So how would you know what it has in plan for you?'

' I just want it to be true,' I begged. ' I just want to be alone, to be left alone, to die alone.'

' Maybe you are meant to be alone, love. But you first have to experience how the other side feels, then decide if you truly want to come back again. I'll tell you, it won't be such a hard decision to make. What you think you want now, will completely change into the one thing you fear and don't want. You'll see.'

' But I don't want to know how it feels. Maybe it feels like you're at the top of the world at first, but that would not be anything compared to the pain later. I don't want that, I don't need that.'

'Afraid of getting your heart broken, are you now? I believe, it is one decision we all choose to make. But even if you choose to avoid it, that will get you nowhere. You will still experience it, feel it. For even you cannot avoid it. You cannot avoid the inevitable.' The voice got fainter. ' Go to him, before it is too late, and you have but one horrid choice left.' Then it faded away, and silence met me once again. I put my head in my hands, trying to figure out what to do. And if what it said was true, then I had better figure it out soon. Before it 'was' too late.

It soon became dark outside, and I still hadn't figured out if I should 'tell' him or not. I brushed my fingers on top of my books; dust stained them. I hadn't cleaned them in such a long time, I had forgotten about them. But then I looked beside me, and I saw my reflection. I cringed. I looked at the girl in the mirror. She looked solemn; extremely pale skin, dark eyes that looked like they were made for mourning, and jet black hair to top it all off. She looked sad, regretful. It looked much more like a painting than a reflection; no one could look so sad. I pressed my palm against the cold glass, as if to reach out to the girl. But as I expected, I could not reach through, and the girl was trapped there for all eternity. To be caged; like a zoo animal, with no connection with the human world, without spoken words. She would live in silence, and I sort of envied her. To be alone, in silence, no one to bother me all the time. I would be happy. But the girl in the mirror looked even more regretful; her eyes were telling me she was mistaken. That she had been lying all the time, to hide her true feelings, the truth. Lying for so long that she no longer knew how to deal with other emotions that were not familiar, and pushes them away. Only to get pushed back even farther, herself.

I tried to smile, and a smile tugged on her lips also. She still looked solemn, fake. I stopped smiling, and turned my back against the mirror. I had no desire to see any more feelings in her eyes. For she was me, and I was her, and I had just seen what I had felt, what was in my eyes. I had been lying, I was regretful, guilty. But I was stubborn, and I wasn't about to give up this game just yet.

I woke up the next day, having no motivation, or no reason left to live either. I had dressed in my dark jeans and black tank, for I had heard my mom complain about the weather while I was trying to ignore them. I quickly ate breakfast and headed out the door, therefore avoiding any conversation between my parents and me whatsoever. I got into my car, a black Honda, and started the engine. I popped one of my CD's in the system, and music and the lead singer's fluid voice filled the car. I sighed and backed out, then drove off to my doom.

I parked in the school parking lot, and shut down the engine. I looked outside; the sun shone brightly among the rooftops of the horrid school. I shut my eyes and rested my head on the steering wheel. I was not ready, I was never ready. I didn't want to have to look at my peers laughing happily, or go to any of my classes when all I could think about was the kiss. I sighed. I still didn't know what to do about Aris. Of course, I would ignore him. But what if I wasn't able to? What if he made me face him? I sighed again; I had never had this problem before. I was completely confused, completely unfamiliar to this situation. Just then I heard knocking. I looked up, and noticed it came from my window. Mrs. Olivan was standing there, looking at me through the glass. She pointed at the school, and I nodded. There was a new rule that students couldn't stay in the parking lot before or during school, because a while ago some kid had totally trashed a teacher's car. I thought he deserved it, to be honest.

I grabbed my keys, jammed them into my bag, and headed out. I sighed, gathering all my wits, and giving it my all not to turn and run. I put on my expressionless face as I entered into the crowded hallway; masses of people all around me. ' Here I go,' I thought to myself.

" Class, may I remind you we have a math test today, and Mrs. Connors told me to remind you about your international culture project. Therefore, I give you homeroom time to let you study, and get whatever you have to do done." I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I wondered if she was born dense or her thirty something years just made her dense. Everyone started talking loudly, and the boyfriends and girlfriends got together. I was disgusted at everyone (as usual) and just put my head down. I had no desire to mingle, talk, or make meaningless 'chat' with anyone. That was just a waste of energy AND time. I sighed and blocked out all their voices and it was just darkness and silence. And it was nice, even if it was just for that little time.

I entered study hall, and took a seat all the way in the back corner, where the bookshelves covered, so no one would be able to see me. I sat down and took out my book. I was glad I didn't have to go to my 'sessions', at least, today, anyway. It wouldn't be too long before Mrs. Olivan found out. I didn't have the guts to look Aris in the eyes anymore, and if I did, I knew I would just turn and leave. Or do something even worse; something I wouldn't be able to control or take back.

" Trinity?" I looked up, and I was met with my doom. Mrs. Olivan stood in front of me, hands on her hips.

" What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at your therapy sessions?"

" Uh. No."

She glared at me. " Do you really want to fail this grading period? Your parents would be disappointed."

" I don't care about my parents," I snapped. But then right after that, I knew I had made a big mistake.

" Get up."

" What?"

" Get up, and gather your things. I will escort you to your correct class," she said sternly.

I sighed and shoved my book inside my backpack. I stood up, and she looked at me expectedly. I walked beside her, and she 'escorted' me out. This was the second time I most truly hated her. We walked into the hallway.

She sighed. " Trinity, why don't you want to go to your therapy sessions?''

" Because I don't have any problems to discuss with anyone."

" Well then it shouldn't be a problem. If you didn't have any problems to discuss, then you would be enjoying yourself there."

I stayed silent, just listening to our footsteps.

" Don't you like your peers?"

" No," I said.

" Why not?"

I sighed, I couldn't tell her what had happened over the weekend. That was too personal, besides, she wouldn't understand.

" They don't understand me, " I said.

" I just want to be left alone, do you understand that?" I suddenly snapped. Her features softened, and she laid a hand on my arm. I instantly wanted to jerk it away, but I knew that wasn't wise.

" Then help them to understand you," she said. I snorted. She SO didn't understand. So I just shut my mouth, for I didn't feel like correcting and explaining everything to her. ' Adults nowadays,' I thought, shaking my head.

She opened the door and let me in, with her right behind, following me. Everyone was staring as us- me, the most. They hadn't expected me to come, I didn't either. But, what do you know? Mrs. Olivan made me. Everyone was silent, and they just stared. I scowled, and I just wanted to turn and run. Run away where I would never have to come back and look at their pathetic faces ever again. I glared at everyone, making sure they knew I hadn't come here on my free will, and I would rip their heads off if they bothered to come talk to me. I saw Aris, at the corner of my eye, and I felt my stomach sink, and my heart stop. I closed my eyes, ' I don't want to be here. Please, God, please come and help me.' Mrs. Olivan seemed to be oblivious to the expression on my face, and went on as if everyone WASN'T staring at us.

" Good morning," she greeted everyone. They greeted her a weak good morning also. I just stood there, wishing that, somehow, I would just fall down and die. Or maybe, get struck by lightning. Which was highly impossible, on such a horrid sunny day as this. I just had to keep on thinking about something to keep me from turning and running.

" Where's your partner?" She asked, looking around the room.

" He's not here," I grumbled, so no one could hear me. Everyone knew Aris was my partner, except Mrs. Olivan, so I saw this as an opportunity to escape. Unfortunately, she was as stubborn as I was.

" Are you certain?" She asked, looking at me, searching my face to see if I was lying. I, thankfully, mastered the skill of not letting my emotions to be seen through my expressions.

" Well, it wouldn't hurt to ask around," she said. Then she did a horrible thing that I just wanted to wring her throat with my hands. Unfortunately, I had practiced my self-control too much.

" Has anyone seen Trinity's partner?" She asked aloud, so everyone in the room heard her. I cringed, and it took all the control I had not to, once again, choke her. People murmured, but didn't say anything. But, unfortunately, Aris stepped up.

" I'm here," he said, trying to catch my eye. I noticed he had a notebook and his analysis paper in hand.

Mrs. Olivan peered at me. " You told me he wasn't here."

I glared at her. " There are some things I refuse to see."

She glared back at me, then smiled when she turned to Aris. I felt sick.

" Well, I hope you have a good session. And Trinity," she turned to me, and her voice got low. " I'll be watching you." Then she smiled at Aris and walked out. I turned to see her walk out, and I imagined myself coming up from behind her and choking her. Much less, pouncing on her then beating the pulp out of her. I muttered under my breath, forgetting Aris was still behind me.

" Are you ready?" I felt my body tense up as I heard his voice. I turned, and shot him one of my cruelest glares.

" I don't plan on ever speaking to you. Ever again," I snapped. He stared at me, his eyes filled with mixed emotions. My heart, I felt, was being hammered down.

" I'm sorry, Trinity. I-I-you don't know why I did that-"

" I know perfectly well why, Aris," I hissed

" Would you just listen to me-"

" No. I've had enough with listening. Let's get this straight; you kissed me to pass this freakin class-"" my voice rose. " -And it meant nothing, absolutely nothing to you or me. And-"

He grabbed my arm. " Please, listen to me-"

I jerked my arm away, still fuming with rage. " I hate you, Aris. And your little ' Therapist' buddies. You've made my life even worse, and you wonder why I'm the way I am. Why don't you just get it through your thick head, and admit it that you can't change me? I don't need anyone to talk to about my problems, because I'm perfectly fine being alone." I paused, and he stared at me. I noticed the whole room was quiet, and they were all watching us. But I didn't care; no, I didn't. I would settle things with them later.

" You don't understand, Trinity," he said quietly. I shook my head, and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

" You know what? Maybe I don't, but I don't think I want to." And I left, not caring if I was breaking about 5 school rules, or if Mrs. Olivan was going to pop out of nowhere to drag me back in there again. I just had to get out, and, maybe, get Aris off my back. I wiped my tears away, and walked to the school parking lot, which wasn't so far away. I just had to get out of here. I felt like I was suffocating.

I drove down the road, tears still stinging my eyes. This time I honestly didn't care if I was going to get into an accident or not. In fact, I would gladly accept that fate, instead of this one. My confrontation with Aris had done what I wanted it to; get it straight that the kiss meant nothing, and he only did it to pass the class. There was no need for his explanation, I had already known what he was thinking, what he felt. Just then a ringing noise rang through my ears. My heart buckled.

' So you know what he feels, eh? My, my, my. We have a psychic in the family.'

' You don't have to have supernatural abilities to know what he's feeling,' I hissed.

' But in your case, I advise you to actually get supernatural powers before you get so sure.'

' Your words mean nothing.'

' Oh, but yours do? What are you on, child?' The voice got bitter and low.

' Yes, my words mean something. Something that yours will never have or gain.' It laughed evilly, echoing through my mind and making my body tremble. My grip tightened on the wheel.

' Careful of your words, you stupid girl. I know what you will never know, and I've handled worse than you. I ALWAYS get my way; even if the host's not breathing in the end.' Then it laughed its horrible laugh again.

' Get out!' I screamed mentally.

' I'd rather not. I think I'd rather drive you crazy to lead you into a mental breakdown. Then I will disappear, and you will notice you are nothing without me. The silence will be deafening, and you will grow mentally ill. Now, we can prevent any of that from happening if you would just stop being so stubborn, and do what you are told.'

' I don't take orders from something that doesn't even exist,' I hissed.

' I don't exist? You are very mistaken. Your words have consequences, child. It is time you are punished.'

Before I could react, a terrible, white, hot pain struck in my head. I screamed, and let go of the wheel. My head was aching; like someone had just literally stabbed my mind with a hot knife. Everything swirled around me, and my vision became blurry. I heard skidding, but it was all faint; like someone had put a sound barrier around me. Then I heard a crash, and my vision blackened out into complete darkness.

#############################################################

I walked around, lost and completely unfamiliar of this place. I was in a hallway, full of doors and passageways. I grasped the cold handle of one door, and pulled. It wouldn't budge. I tried the other doors: no avail. Soon it got dark in the corridor, and I felt fear wash over me. I trembled, and I felt like a little girl crying for her mommy again. I called out loud for someone to help me, but the only I reply I received was the echo of my voice. I felt the cold concrete below me, underneath my bare feet. I felt goosebumps creep on my arms and neck. It felt like I was completely blind: and I was frightened. More frightened than I ever was or had been in my life. Suddenly I started sobbing; realizing I was all alone, and no one would come to help me. I stood against the wall, only to slide down to the floor. I held myself, trying to convince my mind that they would come back for me. I tired to calm down, but the darkness was too still, and I couldn't help but panic once again. I was tired, as I wiped my tear-streaked face. But I couldn't sleep; no, not in this place. Although, something told me that if I did fall asleep, I wouldn't wake up ever again. But did I want that? To be trapped inside darkness once again?

Another tear slid down my cheek. I didn't know what to do. This was the first time I actually feared being alone. The first time I needed someone to guide me, someone to tell me everything was going to be okay, even though we both knew it wasn't going to be. But I knew I didn't have a 'someone', and I would never have. So, deciding I had nothing to lose, I gave in to eternal darkness. I had learned to be alone; it was time I had proved I could live without hoping about that 'someone'. Without pestering parents, annoying principals, horrible therapist sessions. Without Aris. And he was my last thought as I drifted off, never expecting to see neither light nor their faces again. I gave them all a silent goodbye, and darkness overtook me once again.

I bolted up, sweat dripping down my face. I gasped in air; I felt as if my lungs were suffocating. There was darkness around me, but I could see the faint outlines of objects. I heard this weird beeping sound, and I realized I was in a hospital. My head was throbbing, my back was aching, and my legs felt stiff. Just then I felt a lazy haze wash through my body, and I slowly laid back on the bed. I felt my breathing shallow once again, and my eyelids droop. Soon I was in empty dreamland once again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I stirred, turning in my bed. Then I heard murmuring. My body felt tired, but I had been all slept out. I opened my eyes, and I saw colors and shapes. Then my vision returned to normal, and I saw my mom and dad, looking at me. My mom rushed to me, and wrapped her arms around me.

" Honey, thank God you're alright." I smelled her familiar perfume that smelled like crushed roses. I hugged her back. Then my dad came and hugged me also.

After that, they all looked at me worriedly, and disappointed.

" Honey," my mom sighed. " You've been asleep for 3 weeks, did you know that? The doctors said there was a chance you wouldn't ever wake up." I saw her eyes tear up, but then she wiped them away.

" What happened?" I asked, my memory still hazy.

" Well, you skipped school," my dad said, sternly. " - Which, we will talk about with you later- but you got into a car accident." The last comment was filled with sadness.

My mom cut in. " The doctors said your body is in a pretty good condition, seeing that you were in an accident, and that you only had your wrist sprained. She smiled, suddenly. " See? I told you those vitamins weren't worthless." That made me smile a little, to lighten up the mood. My dad laughed. " I'm going to go get the car," he said, then he kissed me goodbye. I was left alone with my mom.

" Honey, I'm so glad you decided to wake up," she said, tearing up again. I smiled.

" I am too mom."

" You've had some friends visit, while you were sleeping."

I raised my eyebrow. " Who?"

" Your therapist friends."

I sighed. ' Not again,' I thought.

" Especially.." Her eyebrows knit together. " Oh! That boy.. The Aris fellow."

My heart stopped when she said his name. " What?" I said faintly.

She nodded at me. "He came every single day, right after school. He insisted to stay with you through the night, but the nurses forced him out." She smiled at me, like she was grateful. " The nurses said he was sweet, and he always brought flowers for you. They said you were lucky, to have such a nice guy like him." She laid her hand on my shoulder. " I want you to know that I completely approve of him, so does your dad." That caused me to snort.

" Are you kidding me? He's not my boyfriend, mom. In fact, I hate him." My heart buckled when I said ' I hate him.' I did, I was sure of it. But that was before. Did I really hate him NOW? T hat wiped off the smile on her face. " Why? He's such a sweet boy. And, everyone thinks he's had quite a crush on you! You should give him a chance, Trinity. Everyone deserves a chance."

I stared at her, showing no emotion whatsoever.

She sighed, and stood up and quickly gave me one last hug.

" Bye, honey." Then she picked up her bag and started towards the door. But then she suddenly stopped. Without turning around, she said,

" By the way, he's coming by later this afternoon, so be sure to fix yourself up." And with that, she left. I laughed at how ridiculous it was that my parents wanted me to be with Aris. As so did my conscience. My horrid conscience. I sighed and laid back down, on the white as snow bedsheets. I looked at my side table, and I saw a fresh vase of flowers. I smiled as I saw that it were Iris's that filled the vase. I had remembered telling him they were my favorite kind of flowers. Just then I saw letters all bundled up together in a stack. I took them and opened them up curiously. I was surprised they were from the ' Therapist' people. They said that they were sorry about the accident, and even more sorry about the Truth or Dare game. I chuckled as I read through them all. Then I came across Aris's. I took a deep breath.

Dear Trinity. I know you might not ever wake up to read this letter, but I'm hoping with all my heart that you will. Because then you would never know how we feel about you. How I feel about you. I'm spilling my soul out on this letter, so please bear with me.

I want you to know that, that kiss that we shared during the meeting, was no mistake. Not to me, anyway. And the reason I did it wasn't to pass the class, no. It was and still is something more than that. I want you to know that I care about you, and that I always will, even if you keep pushing me away. And that I love you, and I have been. And I always will, even if I have to do it from afar.

If you're reading this letter, then now you know. The truth, and only the truth, nothing below it. And, if you never wake up.. If you stay in your lullaby forever, then I will feel nothing but pain and regret, knowing I should've told you earlier. Because I don't want you to die, knowing that no one loves you or cares about you. No one in this world, no matter how cruel or cold they are, deserves that.

So, if I never get a chance to tell you ever again, here it is. I love you, Trinity.

From, Aris.

A tear slid down my cheek, and into my mouth. I had never tasted tears before, and it surprised me that it tasted somewhat like seawater. It tasted salty; bittersweet. Now the tears came out even faster, and soon my face was tear-streaked. I was trembling, remembering the words that Aris had written down. He meant it, and I couldn't deny it. I tried, hard, to convince myself it was just some joke. But I couldn't. His words had such feeling, such emotion. It was filled with such sorrow. I wiped my face, and crumpled up the letter; sorry that I had ever read it. I threw it in the trashcan beside my bed. What was I going to do now? My conscience was right, I had been wrong. I had been lying to myself all along. But I couldn't give into it. I was still convinced that I was meant to be alone, but I knew I had to do something about Aris. I had never felt this way before. So confused, so angry, so guilty. So torn. I was torn between my heart, my mind, and my desired fate. And I had seen the ending of these kinds of stories before. The heart always conquered, and everyone always lived happily ever after. But I was sure there was no happy ever after for me. So where would that leave me? In this story, my story, the heart couldn't possibly conquer, because there was no happy ending. I was sure of it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Some doctors had examined me; done some x-rays, took blood tests, and did some analysis of my behavior. That disturbed me. I asked why that was necessary, and they said it was so they would be sure there was nothing wrong with me. They forgot to add ' mentally.' Soon some nurses brought me lunch, and they were quite young, so I noticed. About middle twenties or something like that. They stayed around for a while, just talking about who's with who. I ate my lunch, listening to their conversation attentively. I didn't usually do that, because I honestly didn't care, but I was bored out of my mind, so I just decided to. I thought it would be fun, to see what was going on in their shallow pathetic minds. Suddenly, one of the nurses noticed I was listening. She smiled at me.

" What about you? That Aris boy is pretty hot, don't you think?"

I almost choked on my roast beef. " What?"

" You know, that boy who comes in here everyday, bringing you flowers. Even holding your hand sometimes." I practically choked again.

" Oh, stop it. You know you like him. Besides, I think it's sweet. People your age, in love. I see the way he looks at you. He told us to call him if you ever wake up." She took out her cell phone.

I almost lunged at her. "No!" I said. She looked at me, amused.

Then the two nurses looked at each other. " I take it you two had a fight?" The other nurse said. I glared at them.

" No."

" Then what is it?"

" Nothing."

" But then you don't want me to call him?" " No."

She shrugged. " Oh well. He's coming in about ten minutes anyway." That caused me to freeze.

" What?" I asked.

" Ten minutes," she said. " Hurry up and gobble all that food down and doll yourself up." And with that they left. As ridiculous as it was, I did what she told me. I ate my food, and then went over to where the mirror was. I combed my hair, and washed my face. Then I suddenly stopped, as if I had just realized what I was doing.

' What am I doing?' I asked myself, mentally. ' I shouldn't care about how I look, especially if he's coming here.' I shook my head. ' What's going on with me?' So I stopped, and looked in the mirror. I had a cut on my forehead, but it was barely noticeable. I had bruises and more cuts on my legs, feet, and arms, but it didn't look too bad. I knew I had gotten lucky, and I was thankful of that. I

Soon, 10 minutes had gone by, and I was panicking. I knew he was coming, but I just wanted to run. I didn't want to see him. I wasn't ready. I was never going to be ready. I wondered where I could hide. I came up with nothing. The nurses wouldn't lie to Aris, they grew to like him, and I didn't want to hide in some old unconscious person's room. I sighed, and gave up. I was going to have to face him. And I was nervous, which scared me even more. Was my body trying to tell me that I wasn't just in love with him? Could it be possible that I loved him too?

But before I could answer that, who else but Aris walked in. I froze when I saw him, and his eyes got wide when he saw me.

" Trinity?" Then he pulled me into his warm embrace. It was awkward, but when his arms enveloped around me, and I could smell his familiar clean boy smell, I caught myself hugging him too. But then I stopped myself; there was a nagging feeling in my mind. He caught on to my awkwardness, and pulled back. He was smiling, and I felt my heart almost melt. I hadn't seen him smile in such a long time. I noticed he was wearing the Finch concert Tee he had worn the first day I had met him. He put his hands in his jeans. I hated to admit it, but he was obviously glad to see me. And I was glad to see him also.

" I can't believe this. Wow.." He said, still looking at me. " I'm so glad.. you're.."

" Alive?" I finished. He laughed.

" Yeah, exactly."

I nodded. I wanted to smile at him, but I couldn't. Maybe I DID love him. And I felt panic wash over me. That would make everything worse. I couldn't afford to love anyone. No, not me.

" Did the doctors say when you could get out?"

" They said probably tomorrow, if all is good." He smiled, and my heart sank. I loved his smile, I realized. I hated myself.

" That's great."

Then there was silence. It was awkward for both of us. And I was just watching Aris; who seemed to be debating with his conscience also. Then finally he met my eyes.

" Listen, Trinity, about the kiss.."

I looked at him, and turned away. I couldn't handle it. He had already told me through the letter, but I didn't know if I could take it if he said it to me, like this. I would be forced to say something.

" Please,' he cupped his hand under my chin and turned my gaze towards his.

"Please, listen to me."

" I can't," I whispered, my body threatening me to break down again.

" Why not?" he whispered back, his pale eyes searching mine.

" I don't want to know your reason, Aris. I don't want to know why you kissed me. I don't want to know why you come here every single day. I just want to be left alone." His expression was pained, but he went on.

" But you have to know, Trinity. I almost lost you once, and I thought I lost everything. So if death attempts to take you away again, you'll know. And not be bitter when you die."

I was tearing up again, and I took his hand off my chin. I couldn't let him see me cry.