More things I know but wish I didn't.

-AND-

Things that aren't really, but I wish they were.

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Almonds contain magnesium, which calms you down, but it also contains arsenic, which kills you. So if you eat a truckload of almonds you can have a calm, peaceful suicide.

Diet Coke tastes like crap.

Advertisements, legally, can only be 13.5 minutes per hour on free-to-air television in Australia, but they're normally more like 53.5 minutes long.

I wish monkeys had wings. I don't really know why. It would just be cool.

I wish I could turn everything I touch into lemons. You can never have too many lemons.

I wish penguins were completely silver, all over. Then they'd look like giant bullets sliding along the ice.

Please R/r this awful piece of work. FLAME AWAY!