The Valentine's Day Blues

By: Tk.T

I feel it coming the minute February starts. February 1st, and I'm looking at my calendar and staring at it with a sort of dread. I feel heavy and weighted, as if suddenly some one has thrown a bag of bricks over my shoulders. Every February 1st I get the same feeling, it never changes. It is the 14th of February that I am talking about, Valentine's Day.

I don't particularly like Valentine's Day and it isn't because I don't get cards and things like that, I do get them, but they're not the right kind. The only gifts I've ever received are the kind provided by my schoolmates, the kind of gifts with pieces of candy glued on construction-papered cards and happy messages saying in red marker: Happy Valentine's Day! Those cards are nice but it isn't special or meaningful because everyone else in the class gets one, so the card isn't made 'just for me.' Or I get little animated cards from my grandparents, which is nice, don't get me wrong, but just not 'right' enough.

My father is the only person on Earth that makes me feel special on Valentine's Day. He buys me flowers every year and delivers them personally to me, even at school if it is a school day, which absolutely delights me to the fullest! My father is the greatest part of February 14th for me. I can honestly say that I love my father more than any person on this planet! But then again, father-and-daughter relationships are like that- well, at least for me that is. I know my father loves me and I am glad to get his gifts but Valentine's Day is supposed to be about boy-girl relationships! And whenever I think about that I sag in front of my February calendar and hang my head.

I get even more depressed at school. I see young couples at my high school holding hands and laughing in the hallways, I see them stealing moments behind lockers and kissing each other. That is when I feel the Valentine's Day Blues the most. I feel happy for the young couples but at the same time cannot help but be insanely jealous of them. For I have no hand to cling to, or sweetheart to cuddle with on Valentine's Day. I can only hug my teddy bears that I have sitting at home on the top bunk of my bed. But I guess that is what comes with being a single loner in at a high school. Nevertheless, I don't want your sympathy, I'm used to it, trust me. I'm sure that I am the one of thousands of single girls sighing wistfully about Valentine's Day and suffering from Valentine's Day Blues. I'm sure that I am one of the many girls that e-mail themselves love drenched e-cards just to have something on Valentine's Day to read and blush about- even if you knew that you're the one that wrote it!

Sometimes I hate the month of February and wish that Valentine's Day never existed. But of course that is being stupidly childish and irrational. When I walk by starry-eyed couples in the cafeteria I try not to be envious of them, although sometimes it doesn't work and I become depressed. February is the month of love is it not? 80% of the time I don't care or take heart in the others, but then there are those days when the Valentine's Days Blues hit its hardest on me. Then there are those days when I watch laughing pairs of boys and girls and I smile for them, I feel happier that others are happy and enjoying themselves. I like to see others happy because it makes me happy, and the world is such a hateful and cruel place, so it is nice to see the lighter side of humanity and human nature for a change.

There is no real cure for the Valentine's Day Blues. I guess it is just one of those things you have to suck in and deal with. That's life sometimes, I guess. I try to remember that love is something that blooms when you least expect it, so if you are reading this I advise you not to go seeking for a valentine, the time will come when you are ready for it. And think about it, because we have waited so patiently and anxiously for love, it will only be the sweeter when it finally stumbles upon us!

Thanks for reading my little muse. Not the cheeriest thing to read on Valentine's Day but something to let you know that at least you aren't the only lonely one out there!

Happy reading and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all of you!~

Tk.T