Unwanted Colors


1)

Mercy:
A five-minute contract signed by God's hand
Was it the same that made my body in the womb?
Pity that he though so little of his art to throw it away
Even to His eyes I was second best.

Already, I am a lesser creature
I wander and plunder to keep my body content
If I steal enough, there shall be a meal,
If I steal enough, there shall be a house
That is what they taught me
My secondary education was provided free in the streets

The blood of the worthy flows because of my unworthy hand
If I touch it, perhaps I shall be cleansed
I do not wish it to be so, but I am human, a predator, I kill by nature
The original sin was a birthright, my hungry body longs to fulfill it
No Holy Father can save me now at the hour of his death

And now, there is nothing
Nothing but the water that drips down on my forehead from the leaking ceiling like the blood that once dripped from my hands
The patterns spur my imagination, heavenly hymns spout from my head as the hour nears
I am desperate and they are teasing me

Unholy wisdom dance at their minds, giving unholy judgment
I am already dead at their feet
Their mouths quiver at the seductive power of their forthcoming words
I remain silent and allow them to play God, one more time


2)
First child dances alone in the fields
Embrace the infant tribe and all that it offers
He sees nothing but the earth and weeds but he laughs:
There is much to be done!
He thanks God for his offerings

Second child leaves the womb
He controls men's hearts like he controlled his mother's
Twisted words cause twisted thinking
Soon he understood his longings
He runs away and lets the dust settle on his mother's womb

Third child lies on the ground
He had ran away from his father's mind
Pity, could have succeeded, but the innocent is still innocent:
They die by the millions
If only he had been a wolf instead of the lamb!

Fourth child awaits their words
Try not to cry now!
Remember that it is only the death of your body:
Death shall not reach your soul
Already, your name sparkles immortal among the others

Fifth child cries at the graves
Her family whispers comforts from the dirt but she remains silent
She bares the shadow that fell upon her family
She shoulders are tired
Time passes, but she remains here
There is nothing to do but weep

One, two, three:
There shall be another coming
Do not look down, your feet shall falter and slip for the sun travels with its eyes closed and head down, seeing nothing
Do the same and live a content life, your god orders it
Everything changes, even if you defy death



3)

God, my child is crying:
Why is there no milk tonight, mama?
Why, child, I do not know, do not ask an answer out of me
A woman can only sit still and ponder:
The child in my womb makes it hard to move
Everything is harder still when you are a woman

I have my virtues, so I am poor
I lack the riches the naked women have so you, my child, have to suffer
Two gods tell me, gold and white:
There shall be no temptation
So now the mind is pleased but not the body
My child still suffers needless of their words
Nobody remembers the waltz of the old tribe and leaves me alone remembering their words

My house is falling; there is a tear only the gods that fix
But they do nothing for me so I repair it myself:
My hands are slow and clumsy
I struggle with the difficult stitching and they laugh
My children spill out the untended cloth and stretch the wound
Each escape becomes easier
My hands are tired and can do nothing

Now, go dance pretty, my child, please the gods
Swing your bony hips and show off your legs
Perhaps the heavens shall open up and take you away
Wait a little longer and I shall be with you

Death laps at my feet like the milk that never comes


4)

Death laps at my only son and tickles his neck
He looks at me in fear and demands my hand
He knows I cannot reach him: I cannot swim in this water
My god shall slap my hand if I touch it
So now my son screams for his own life, he does not need my comfort
He is lost to me and I am left painless in my god's arms

Plastic eyes filled with plastic tears weep for me and I am touched
Careless laughter stings the mind but tastes sweet in the ear
I walk with my neck stretched to catch the droplets
My conscience at my throat
The sinner within is clawing for a way out
Water coming in rope-like tendrils bite at his neck
I leave my people; they are too busy staring at the figure hanging limp,
A deed done by the hand that made them
I leave them in their fear and I continue, following my god

The dew of the grass cleanse my mind
I stand on its sloping playground
They dance around me like my son as a child
God calls upon me: I am to be somber in his blessing
The fog lifts and laughter ends
God removed all daydreams and drugs that blur my vision
I see that I am alone once more

Sun caress the tips of the hills where I stand
He laughs at me with his lover stars that I am alone
It is not needed, he tells me
Wise words from a foolish being, his brilliance is too vain for my god
His breath shall soon be made a mortal's
Bored, the sun becomes his own lover and moves on
I am alone once more

Purged of all companions, being forgotten is the only way to please my god