Bemused

It shouldn't have to be this way

Secrecy and loneliness

Darkness surrounding

In a battle with self-hatred

Everything's so unreal, dreamlike

Wading through delusion

Trying to return to peace

But losing at every attempt

Any friend would shout

Don't worry, don't be sad, don't

Anyone else would cry

Don't be scared, you're not alone

Even Spirit can't be told

And I love the Lord and Lady

But feel too unworthy

Unable to contain my negativity

When do you know it's too much?

You never see it coming until it does

And then…you're miserable

Unable to be yourself, unable to think

Friends still scorn the depressed kids

Call them "crazy" and avoid them

They don't know that I hear them

And I know how they feel

Studying becomes a nightmare

All I see is taunting words

Scrambled in a language I don't speak

In the language of failure

I can't even talk to my friends

Without snapping at them

And making them feel so bad

As if it's their fault for upsetting me

I want this to stop, I really do

If I could just pull out of this state

Of shadows and fears, I would

But somehow I'm so confused