I Miss…

Is this the place I go to be alone?

The forest is gone from this place

The beach is deserted and I don't find

My inner sacred space anymore

I search and search for something

That no airplane or car can take me to

I search for my faith…for answers

I search to be me once again

Past the horizon, the Summerland lies

The ship of positive thoughts

Could take me there, right now

But I'm terrified to board

Blank pages stare back at me

As I try to plan a new ritual

But everything I write seems a lie

Spoken by a hypocrite, that's me

Why can't I pray anymore?

I never feel up to it, only confused

I want to, but almost forgot how

I need to, but fail for lack of sleep

Where are the caves I revisited

A memory in meditation?

And reversed the outcome to

See myself as the winner?

Where are the stars I'd stare at

Believing them to be glimpses

Of the astral and divinity

But what did I ever know?

I can still see the moon's silver

I want to call to Her, to apologize

I still see the sun, but cannot

Be who I need to be

I know They hear me, somewhere

The words I'm afraid to speak

And I hope I haven't let them down

I hope I can be better

But I miss my mental island and

Memory caves from summer

And my old BOS from autumn

Next to my false flowers from spring

I miss my prayers, I really do

I miss feeling Their presence in my life

But most of all, I miss being me

And I want to start living again

But if I pray tonight, what will I say?

Which deities will I call to?

And how will I trust myself again,

To mind the Rule of Three?