A/N: This is something I decided to pursue. It's based on some events that have been going on, and I wanted to get it out onto paper. It's for a good friend; and entwines with something that had gone on this past week. Enjoy; though I warn you; it's sad.
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill. Everything is mine; with the exception of things already in existence- ::rambles on:: Yeah. Anyway, thanks, and enjoy the show! 3
…"(It starts with)
One thing / I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter…"
I stepped out of the graveyard with a smile. It had been exactly one year since myself and Arista had gotten together; and I was psyched. You see, I had placed myself in hiding just this past year.
The reason? People had begun to question who Arista had been talking to late at night; and because some had claimed to see me sneaking in and out of the place. They first thought it was a stalker; but mortals aren't known for walking through walls, or disappearing with the blink of an eye.
So, that would have told any skeptic right there- that I was not mortal.
I didn't want my love facing pain; so one day I just quietly let myself slip into the shadows.
I can still remember our final night. We had got done making love; as we normally do. And, instead of my usual taking off right afterwards- I stuck around. I lay there, as my love had fallen asleep- just holding her, and listening to the sounds of her breathing.
My form was concealed by the silken blankets; as I kept my gaze out onto the summer sky. It was August; so meteor showers weren't uncommon to spot. At least around this time of year. And I remember- I had just kept my gaze out onto the window itself. Not wanting to go; but knowing that I had to.
I spent my one year in exile. I hadn't even spoken to any of my fellow spirits. I wanted Arista; and since I couldn't have her- I was miserable. But, tonight would change all that. I only had a few more steps to go until I reached her apartment. I had made sure to head out early- to prevent being pressed for time. I mean, sure, I had all night- but she also didn't need to be losing sleep over me again.
Hence why you see me walking over here at 9, versus 11:30 like usual. I just hoped I didn't catch her at a bad time. She didn't know I was coming; as it was a surprise. For all she knew, I had crossed-over. I mean, when your lover is a ghost- you kind of take that chance. Of them crossing over, that is.
After all, we are just beings of unfinished business. And when we fulfill what we must in this realm- we cross over into the other world. A place, as I have been told- where paradise is claimed to have been found.
We'd have to see about that one. I'd be the judge of it; when it was my time. Right now, I wanted Arista. And now I had reached the entrance. Thank God. I was tired of walking.
Ok, so I know what you're all thinking: "Then fly, smart one."
Yes, I know. But I guess I felt like getting a workout, or something tonight. I don't know. All I knew was: I'm going in.
I entered the building; making my way down the stairs, and then down the semi-long hallway. Ok, apartment 7. This was it. Hey, where was that music coming from?
I listened closer. Love songs? Wow. Maybe somehow she was expecting me. I mean, I know that I had erased her memory of me every time I left- but tonight would prove to be different. I didn't wish to erase her memory at all. Never again. I was in love; and I knew that she had loved me.
Yes, I was a ghost- but even when she would die- she would become one as well. As I am her unfinished business. She had told me that so many times. She had said that it didn't matter if I was a ghost, or a mortal- that she loved me for me; and what we were didn't matter anymore.
I nearly cried. And I almost did now; as she was playing our song. I had to smile. Maybe she did know I was coming after all. I decided to step inside.
I walked through the door, and looked around. Wow, what a setup! Candles lit everywhere; music playing on the stereo; and a set at the table made for two. I nearly melted. Maybe she had seen past all of those memory erasing spells that I had placed upon her?
Maybe true love shown through; and even though I had made her forget my presence every time I stopped by- she had miraculously remembered it once again. Maybe.
I needed to find out for sure. Ok, where was that girl. I looked around. Wait a minute! Where were those voices coming from? I knew one belonged to Arista; but, who was the male voice that I kept hearing?
It was coming from the other room. I decided to have a look.
To this day, I wondered if I should have. Because what I saw smashed my heart to bits. There- laying before me; was Arista- in bed; naked; with someone else. Some black-haired guy that I had never seen.
I nearly felt myself tear up. Those eyes. That look. The way she looked at him. It was the same look that she used to give me all those years ago. Back when she had promised me the moon and stars; telling me how beautiful I once was.
Telling me, that she would never leave my side. Just whispering sweet nothings; and assuring me that it would all be ok. That my days of being a wandering, and lonely ghost were over. So long as she was here.
Now they was all a mass of lies. Every word, every kiss; every gesture she had ever made towards me. A lie. A broken promise, and a broken heart. All laced within this night. The night that I had planned on being with her for eternity- not having to worry about leaving, due to those that had not known.
The night in which I was to shower her with the love that I had been building up for her. But most of all: the night of our anniversary. It had been a year since we had first met, and made love- and here she was with another guy.
It tore me apart.
And our song. How dare she play our song for someone else? The song in which we had spent so much time listening to; and trying to come up with. We had spent so long trying to come up with the perfect one- and she had now been playing it with someone else.
Tears laced my eyes. I needed to get out of here.
Whimpering; I turned to run away; my former love not even noticing; as I bolted out the door; revealing myself to the world. I didn't care who saw me. I was in pain; and the world was going to know about it.
The warm breeze suddenly went cold on me; as tears seemed to pour our like water down my face; coughing slightly, and grabbing a cigarette- lighting it up, and taking in the nicotine. I needed a smoke more than anything now- and nothing was going to stop me from getting it.
I didn't even bother to fly; as I didn't care what was to happen to me.
The ground slipped beneath me; my form falling onto the rough, gritty blacktop- gasping a bit. I gazed at my right arm; running a hand along my cheek. Ouch. I knew I had done something to myself when I took that spill. That would hurt for a few days.
I sniffled; curling up, and bringing my knees to my chest- sobbing into the sleeves of my black dress; whimpering slightly in a tone that would resemble a wounded animal; hot tears meeting the cool texture of my silken sleeves.
Arista was my life. My soul purpose in this world. And now my life was taken from me. She had my heart; and she had smashed it. And without my heart; I could not go on. I would be forever a pained ghost; and I wanted not to live that afterlife.
Something had to be done. And I knew exactly what that something was. I just needed a drug store.
Standing up, I got an idea. There was one right down the road. That's where I could go!
Taking one last glance back at the apartment building where I had just been not long ago; I took off running- wanting so badly to make my way over there. It was Sunday; so they always closed up early. Around 6:00 or so. So, breaking in was no problem.
After what had felt like an eternity; I had reached my goal. I stepped through the bullet-proof glass that stood in the little entry way- feeling even more darkness consume me- a few blinking red lights being seen with me. Security alarms.
I knew those things well. But, I didn't have to worry. I was a being of air; so stepping on any beams, or activating any alarms wasn't a problem right now.
I just needed to find the Pharmacy, and I'd be all set. And, here we are.
I walked into the back- flipping on the tiny light to my left- illuminating the entire area; as I made my way up and down the aisle- grabbing some random medication. Painkillers, anti-depressants, tranquilizers. Anything I could get my hands on. I couldn't go on like this.
And I know many would call me stupid, and weak to carry out what I was planning on doing. But, I was in pain; and broken hearts were worth it. Especially in this case.
Ok, I was done. I sighed. I knew I was stupid; but I didn't want to live in a world; where my love had left me for another. My eyes narrowed.
This is the way it's gotta be.
I cracked open the containers- swiping a 6 pack of beer from the coolers they had towards the back; popping the cap from the bottle, and chugging some of it down- popping pill after pill into myself- letting them slide down my throat, and finishing off the alcohol.
Wow. Ok, I was getting dizzy.
Swirls of black danced around in my thoughts; as my vision shifted- the world spinning around me, as I staggered my way down the isles of the store; nearly passing out a few times. I guess these really work fast.
Wait- now what's going on? Sudden pain being felt from the inside. I gasped, keeling over, and placing a hand to where my heart was located. What's happening? It almost felt like something was about to burst inside of me.
Was this my punishment for ending my afterlife? For falling in love with a mortal? For everything? I didn't know. But, please, Goddess; just release me from this pain. I don't want to carry on.
My response was given by a sudden aura of fatigue. Ugh, now I just wanted to sleep. I groaned, feeling the pain return to me; feeling the floor slip from beneath me; collapsing onto it; feeling the cool, smooth tile underneath my body.
I gazed up at the ceiling; wishing that I could view the night sky, as my final view; the domains of my thoughts slowly closing up. It almost felt as if it were day- and the sun was beginning to set- the dusting of evening clouds rolling in; and putting me at the peace in which I had wanted for so long.
Not a sound was heard; except for my own breathing; feeling the life slowly starting to drain out of me. I'm so tired.
I took my final breath, as my form came to an eerie halt- my eyes still open; and fixed on the ceiling. No one would find me. I would just be a cold, listless air to them. After all, we cannot be seen by mortals. Unless we wish to be.
They would find a lighter; a pack of cigarettes- ten of them smoked out of twenty; and if they looked hard enough- my silver, heart necklace. But would they see me? No. And they never would again.
The powers of sleep consumed me- sending me floating towards my eternal paradise. The rest in which I had wanted for so long. I was coming home; and leaving what had lifted me up, and then thrown me down behind.
It was my dream; my wish; my paradise. And I was finally set free.
…"In the end…It doesn't even matter…"