An Unpretentious Suggestion

            North America is a fat continent. The USA and Canada are the leading problematic countries in the illness that is obesity, and it has a major effect on their economies. Fast food services seem to sprout out of the ground rather than be built. Demand for food is raising the prices as companies slice the serving sizes to save a buck. More hours per week are spent watching the glowing screens of televisions than exercising. Millions of dollars in hospital expenses and bills are related to obesity-caused health problems. So many people yearn to lose weight that diets are as likely to go through fads as clothes or television shows. However, not enough people manage to keep their New Year's weight resolutions, and the continent remains fat and unhealthy. The society and economy suffers simply because too many people are overweight.

Recent history, however, gives a sign of hope for weight loss should the United States and Canada choose to adopt the means necessary to lose it. In Europe in the 1930s and 1940s, there were areas where no one was obese. In fact, the majority of the members of these communities were underweight. Although North America does not have the same reasoning as Adolf Hitler did, concentration camps around the continent would aid terrifically in the economy and society through aiding the loss of the countries' excess weight.

In both the United States and Canada, there are many areas that are scarcely populated and have many acres of land needing a reason to contribute to society. This land would become home to thousands of obese citizens and one concentration camp. The money necessary for purchasing unused land and building the camps would be supplied for easily by Congress, and would continue to be run by businesses that will supply workers and funds for the maintenance of the camps. 

Once built the camps would then need occupants. It's safe to assure that with proper advertisements, many dieters would flock to the gates of the nearest camp. With diseases such as anorexia and bulimia, however, the camps would not want any thin occupants who only see themselves as fat. For this reason, all who come at their own digression will undergo a physical performed by professional physicians. The patient will be weighed and measured to determine their overall weight versus their height. From there, should they be proven overweight, their muscle mass will be determined and added to their weight at their correct height. All excess fat will then be figured. Any person with ten pounds of excess fat or less will be turned away. All others will be readily admitted into the program, their time of residency determined by how much weight they are required to lose to reach the 10 excess pounds or fewer requirement. It is to be expected that others will not be as swayed by the advertising that shall be used. Thus, all doctors in both continents will have to sign an agreement in order to continue their business stating that they will perform the necessary tests to determine if any of their patients are overweight. This information will then be disclosed to the organization designated to running the camps. Representatives will be sent to the home of the overweight individual to transport them to the nearest camp, using force if necessary. Any possible patients under the age of 18 will be required to get parental permission, and should they not receive it, will not be required to attend the camps until they pass the age of 18. Also, any people in jobs that cannot be easily and readily filled by another person or those past the age of retirement will be excused from attending the camps.

Many will think that these weight-loss camps will be lowering the respectable countries to the level of a Jew-hating German madman. These camps, however, will not be at the same level of cruelty Hitler used while enforcing the strict weight-loss regimen. Meals of soup and bread will be supplied to each person for dinner, and coffee and toast will be breakfast. There will be no lunch, and fast foods will be off-limits to those who leave the camp for their work routine. Vitamins will be supplied as necessary to keep up energy. Any medications necessary to the specific patient will also be administered in the correct dosage by the camp doctors. Any illnesses will be attended to readily and carefully by the doctors. Strict care would be taken so that no one would pass away

Rather than have a daily exercise regimen, all camp members will be required to work at various jobs of their own choosing. Half will be transported off-camp to build houses for the poor, destitute, or homeless. The other half will find themselves in fields on the camp's land raising crops. In cases of harsh cold or storm, indoors exercise regimens will be set up, or odd jobs will be required to be completed, such as building furniture for the houses. On their release from the camp, patients will be compensated in order to pay off taxes that were withheld until the patient's return to their home. Should they be in need of another job due to excess time in the camps, successful patients will be hired on willingly by the business running the camp they attended to aid others in the quest for thinness.   

The camps, aside from being beneficial to the patients within their walls, will aid the economy outside of them as well. As taxpayers attend the camps, jobs will be opened to those who would not normally find themselves capable of being hired. Homeless and those on welfare will be able to get a job at a local venue at the level of a beginner, and in turn become a taxpayer. They can then apply for a home to be built in one of the patient-built communities. These people, now with jobs and homes, will be putting back into the economy, increasing demand on food items they would not normally obtain while being on welfare or not having a home at all. The farming communities of the camps would also increase the amount of fresh foods in grocery stores, lowering the price for vegetables and fruits.

With due attention, these weight-loss camps could be in production before the year's end, and opened to the public by December 2005. There is little reason as to why they should not work, and are perfectly logical to lower the obesity issue of the continent. Diets go through many fads, yet only work for certain people. This technique should reasonably work for everyone, and it will aid the economy as well, as opposed to forcing restaurants to change their menus and grocery stores to change their aisles just to keep up with the latest trend. Everyone will benefit, with the exception of the late Mr. Atkins and his company.  

The contents of the essay were entirely satirical. If you take this seriously, look up the meaning of the word "satire" before adding your review.