Tainted Love

Joshua walked around his bedroom in circles, as though he was lost amongst his own belongings. He felt so confused, and he didn't know where to go, or what to think. All he could think about was Giselle, and how beautiful she was, and how much he wanted her. But she wouldn't look at him twice. She probably didn't even know his name. Cursing under his breath, Joshua walked over to one of his drawers, and slowly pulled it open. He rummaged around under his socks and pulled out a shiny, black gun. He stroked it, almost lovingly, and smiled to himself. He knew exactly what he needed to do to make Giselle notice him.

Giselle was tall and stunning, with long wavy hair, and a petite little face which made her deep blue eyes look large and captivating. In reality, she did know who Joshua was, but she had never spoken to him. They moved in different circles. Joshua had his book club, his extra science classes, his computer skills. Giselle had her parties, her crowd of (jealous) friends, and an already secure future in modelling.

"I'm taking all you down with me,
Explosives duct taped to my spine,
Nothing's going to change my mind,
I won't listen to anyone's last words,
There's nothing left for you to say,
Soon you'll be dead anyway."

Joshua walked to school, and when he got there, he didn't go to class early as he usually did. The other kids crowded past him, trying to get to where they needed to be, but Joshua still hadn't spotted Giselle. And he needed her... he needed to see her. He had plans, big plans for his life, and all of them involved her. She just didn't know it yet.

And then suddenly, she was there. A vision of pure beauty, in Joshua's eyes at least. She smiled and laughed with a group of friends, and they were all gathered around her like the press around a movie star. Gradually, they fell away from her, one by one, going to their separate classrooms, and eventually, Giselle was walking down the corridor alone, and Joshua watched her as she walked into the girls bathroom. He followed her in, and waited, watching her put on makeup in the mirror. She didn't see him at first, and carried on applying her eyeliner. Joshua glanced her up and down, staring intently at her perfect, flawless figure. Giselle began to put lipstick on, still unaware that she was being watched.

"You don't need that stuff," Joshua said, "you're beautiful enough on your own." Giselle jumped, seeing Joshua in the mirror first, and then turning around and seeing his face right behind her.

"What are you doing here?" Giselle cried, shrilly. "This is the girls bathroom. Get out."

"I didn't mean to frighten you," Joshua said, softly, and he stepped a little closer to Giselle. She instinctively backed away.

"Get out!" She said, again.

"I only wanted to see you," Joshua said, still in the same soft, creepy voice. "There's no need to be afraid of me. Do you even know my name?"

"Joshua, isn't it?" Giselle asked. "You're in a couple of my classes." Joshua nodded, excitedly.

"So you have noticed me around before!" He reached into his pocket, and stroked the gun in there.

"W… what's that?" Giselle asked, already knowing." Joshua removed the gun, and held it up where Giselle could see it.

"Well, no one is getting out alive,
This time I've really lost my mind and I don't care,
So close your eyes and kiss yourself goodbye,
And think about the time you spent and what they've meant,
To me it's nothing."

Giselle turned as if she was going to run into a cubicle and hide, and Joshua reached out and grabbed her by her long, flowing hair, throwing her to the floor. Giselle let out a little cry, and crawled across the floor into the corner, where she cowered like a frightened animal.

"If you call for help, I'll shoot you without a second thought." Joshua said.

"What do you want from me?" Giselle wailed, shaking all over.

"I want you…" Joshua said, "I just want you. I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for a long, long time. You and me, we're right for each other… and if you say no, I am going to kill you. I would rather have you dead, than see you with someone else." Giselle put her head between her knees, trying to breathe. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. This psychotic guy didn't know what he was doing. He had clearly lost his mind. Giselle thought for a moment, wondering what she should say to him to try and change his mind.

"You don't need me," she told him. "You're so smart. You get some of the highest grades in the school. Why would you want to do this to yourself, and to me?"

"Grades don't mean anything to me anymore," Joshua spat. "They might get me a good job, a comfortable future, but they'll never win me you, will they Giselle?" Nod! Tell him you like him! Do anything to make him stop! Thoughts whizzed around Giselle's mind, but in the end, she knew she really had to tell Joshua the truth, and then try and talk him around.

"I don't know you well enough to like you," Giselle said, "Although we've seen each other around, this is the first time I've really spoken to you. You wouldn't like me if you really got to know me. Find someone else, Joshua. Find someone more like you. You deserve better than me."

"But you're the best… you're the only one I want!" Joshua began to cry, and Giselle carefully stood up in her corner, hoping that she was going to get out of this situation alive.

"I'm losing all my happiness,
The happiness you pinned on me,
Loneliness still comforts me,
My anger dwells inside of me,
I'm taking it all out on you,
And all the shit you put me through."

"Well?" Joshua shouted, as Giselle edged forwards. "Where the hell do you think you're going? I'm not letting you out!"

"I… I have to go… please let me go…" Giselle began to beg. Joshua just shook his head, a sick loo kon his face.

"I want you," he whispered, "and I know deep down, you want me too." He began to step closer to Giselle, until she was as far back in the corner as she could go. She was terrified now, knowing that there was no way she'd be able to talk Joshua around now. He was crazy. She could see it in his face, in his eyes, and in the shiny metal gun he continually waved before her. "For so long, I've been trying to make myself noticed, to make myself one of you, one of them. A popular person. I'm never going to be able to fit in, but if I win you over, if you're mine, then everyone will love me forever!"

"You're mad!" Giselle said. "Please Joshua, stop this. If you leave now, I promise I won't tell anyone about all this. Perhaps we could be friends and see where things go?" Giselle felt sick as she spoke these lies. Of course she would tell someone as soon as she got past Joshua. And there was no way she would ever, ever have anything to do with Joshua. He was clearly dangerously unstable.

"You know you want me," Joshua said, breathing heavily, and his face was now mere inches from Giselle's. Suddenly, she felt she wasn't going to get out alive.

"Help me! Help!" She screamed, and Joshua stepped back in astonishment. Giselle kept screaming, over and over, and footsteps approached, just as Joshua pulled the trigger. He fell to the floor dead, and shaking all over, Giselle knelt beside him, and sobbed, knowing that his death was at least partly her fault.

"Do you ever think back to another time,
Did it bring you so down that you thought you lost your mind?,
Do you ever want to lead a long ways of destruction,
And mow down any bullshit that comforts you,
Do you ever build up all the small things in your head,
To make one problem that adds up to nothing."

*****

The lyrics in this story are taken from "Having a Blast" by Green Day.