Betweentimes

What do they expect?
Unbridled joy?
What for?
Looking to the future?
What future?

I once took pleasure
In little things
Books
Food
Films
Anything

I still do in a way
Betweentimes
If it isn't all the time
Then surely it's not so bad?
Bullshit
It doesn't have to be every day
To be unbearable

I've thought of running
So many times
But would not do it
Sometimes for the sake of others
Sometimes for myself

How is life good
When pleasures become distractions
From desperate pain?

Perhaps I just don't want to enjoy life
Perhaps I want people to feel sorry for me
But then again they shouldn't
Because I don't deserve pity

All I do is spread my own misery
Ruining the precious time
We have on earth

A lifetime isn't long
No matter how old you get
It passes swiftly
And ends in pain

Life begins in pain
Ends in pain
Is filled with pain
And occasionally
There are little bursts of joy
In between

That is what we live for
The betweentimes
And for those who don't find it enough
There's a choice to be made

To be selfless in good conscience
or
Be selfish and be free