A/N: Pretty much Bishie Blues is 85 percent done, so the chapters will be more substantial instead of being just random fluff to fill up the story. For you pro-Kei people, I think you will very much like this chapter. On a random note, I think Miyavi's song "Night in Girl" makes a great song to play during sexual foreplay…Why I think that – well, imagine the speed of the guitar matching the rhythm of bodily movement. XD

And just as a warning – the R-rating for this story really comes into play in this chapter…just to let you know. (cough cough)

"If dreaming is free, then making it come true is too.
Let's Image-Train in bed."
Miyavi (Ashita Tenki ni Nare)

Chapter 32

Mixing Vodka with Anatomy

Perhaps it happened because I was so desperate. I just wanted to be closer to someone. The person who wants to be closer to me simply cannot due to obvious reasons. Thus, I turn to the next possible, more reliable course.

Or maybe it happened because the person whom I wanted to be closer to in the first place was finally there, right in front of me. And not only that – he wanted to be closer to me too. It was finally mutual….

I woke up in a complete stupor. Sure, I've had my share of hangovers, but this was completely beyond the occasional Girls' Night Out vomit-fests I had with Aya-chan. I gave out a frustrated sigh, my own alcohol breath began to sicken me. I buried my face into the soft white sheets, hoping a whiff of the balmy hotel scent would counteract my beer breath. Wait a minute….white…bed….sheets…. My futon at the ryokan had red cotton sheets. Suddenly, I forgot all about my stinky breath.


"Did you say Kitani Keisuke?" My mouth gaped open in complete disbelief, blankly staring at the bright white wall behind Yoshiki.

Kaa-chan merely shrugged. "Yep, the lead singer of HeadQuarters," then noticing my dazed look, he gave my shoulder a rather potent poke just on the verge of being called a jab. "Uh…Yui-chan?"

I shook my head and left without looking back at him. "Yeah yeah. Kitani Keisuke-got it."

Now normally, if I were walking down the hallway to meet Kei, I would be sweating horribly as I formulated some sort of action plan in my head…but unfortunately I did not. No thinking, just walking. It was a rare case. Not that there were times when I didn't think (I admit), but when it came to Kei, I thought too much.

He turned around, sensing my footsteps as I stepped from the narrow hallway into the bright space of the wide lobby. Then, the strangest thing happened. He smiled and asked, "So you're Yuisuke now?" I stopped dead in my tracks. So he knows…

I began to regret not thinking.

But his smile had no traces of spite in them. It wasn't the kind of smile that read, Haha I got you now. It was just a smile, the kind Kei always has on his face when he greets someone. Might I also add to that - when he greets someone for the first time. My mouth was hanging wide open. I was completely caught off-guard. As much as I was happy to see Kei, seeing him under these circumstances wasn't exactly a joyous occasion, especially after what happened in my room with Rei just a few minutes ago. "Can we take this somewhere else?" I brusquely asked, not in the mood to be witty.

So we went inside the cab, the both of us wearing our Celebrity In Public uniforms. In other words, we masked our faces with designer sunglasses – I opted for black-shaded Gucci while Kei-kun sported a pair of brown Ray Bans. He also slipped on an army green beanie. But personally, I'm not one for wearing hats – my hair's flat as it is.

Neither of us spoke a single word to each other. We only sat together in the back, appearing more preoccupied looking out of the window than worrying about what conversation topic to bring up. I noticed the sunset as the cab sped through the ancient, temple-filled streets of Kyoto. After passing a fair share of torii arches, I felt a bittersweet amusement about the whole situation –

I left Rei and stepped into a cab with Kei-kun.

I decided to try it out with Rei because I needed to move on. Kei-kun was part of the past…right? But then he came back, and with him, The Past came back too. And to add to everything, I was driving in downtown Kyoto, one of the most (if not the most) historical cities of Japan. Who knew the past could jab you from the back when you're not looking…yes, Yoshiki's poke on my shoulder left a small bluish-purple bruise for your information.

"Arigato." Kei smiled as usual and paid the driver. Without a word, he opened the door and stepped out. Dumfounded and confused, I quickly followed suit. So where was this somewhere else he was taking me? I walked behind him, not in the mood to look around. If I saw another historical landmark, I was gonna puke. The accidental symbols that somehow invade my life were beginning to sicken me. Fortunately, this horrible over-thinking of the mysteries of the universe quickly ended with a sharp collision.

"Itai!" I hit my head on something…soft. My senses came back to me when I heard laughter. Eh??


I looked up at Kei. He was the one laughing, and he was also the soft spot my head collided with.

He smirked. "Heh, you haven't changed at all… still the complete spaz from high school."

"Who you callin' a SPAZ?!" Up went my hand, which violently met his head.

But Kei-kun kept on laughing, my threatening voice rendering no effect. "And still as violent as ever too."

My seething teeth turned into a smile, my anger quickly receding. We just stood there laughing in the middle of the busy street. Passengers coming out from the nearby train station walked past us, probably wondering why two young men in expensive sunglasses were laughing in the middle of the busy street. Not that we cared. The past did come back. This kind of thing always happened to us – a random, fleeting moment became something special that only the two of us shared, and something only the two of us could smile at. Sure, we had dozens of people, maybe even hundreds, give us strange looks, but that made us laugh even harder. We were the only ones who understood the joke. The joke of growing up, the joke of life itself, the joke of being ourselves – there were many jokes but the same laugh and the same smiles. I felt sixteen again….

"This is where I'm staying," he said, opening the clean, seemingly invisible glass door.

I peered inside, reading the gold-plated logo plastered on the front desk. "Ho..tel…Granv..ia... Hey, isn't this place supposed to be super expensive??"

Kei-kun only answered with a smirk.

The sun was completely down by the time we entered the hotel. With the darkness, the hotel became illuminated with a myriad of lights, somewhat cheesily signaling our suave J-rocker entrance. We looked at each other and smiled at the same time, both of us noticing this strange happening and the joke behind it. The employees bowed at us as they walked past, either recognizing us as the famous musicians we were or just recognizing us as important people because of the expensive sunglasses that were now hanging from our shirt collars. Either way, we didn't want to make a huge scene. With a high class hotel such as the Hotel Granvia, there had to be paparazzi lurking somewhere, waiting for a celebrity to pass by. I followed Kei into the elevator which was (thankfully) empty.

"How bout a drink?" He smirked, pressing the button for the 15th floor, which lit up at his fingertip.

I merely shrugged with a smile. At a time like this, all you want is a drink. Even though we smiled and laughed on the way, there was still the Pretending to Be a Man issue lurking at the top of our heads. And this made everything awkward. How did Kei-kun find out? Perhaps he just plain recognized me. It's possible after a lifetime of friendship…or did someone tell him? But who? Aya-chan knows her limits…hopefully not a tabloid…but Yoshiki would've spotted it…

I tapped my foot on the floor and licked my lip ring, distracting myself from all these superfluous questions. Why can't people invent faster elevators?

He led me to the hotel's sky bar. Instead of regular walls, large windows surrounded the room, glittering with downtown Kyoto in all her historic glory. A female waiter stood at the door and looked at us with surprise. From her appearance, she looked like the fangirl type, so she probably knew who we were. Fortunately out of decorum and her weekly paycheck, she didn't say anything and led us to an open booth with a great view.

"What would you like to order Kei-san, Yui-san?" She looked at us with a pair of glittering eyes, surreptitiously biting her lip to prevent any squeals of excitement to come from her mouth. She must have been dying to scream out, "Ohmigod!! Aren't you the lead singer from HeadQuarters? And you're the guitarist from Inner Sanctum!!! I can't believe this is happening! Do you guys have girlfriends or are you seeing each other? Just bed me right here and now!!" Ok…so that was just a tad over-exaggerated, but you get the point….

Kei stared at me, allowing me the privilege of ordering first.

"Just a vodka," I muttered. From above the table, I looked (hopefully) normal, but underneath, my legs were shaking like they had frostbite on them. I never drank with Kei-kun before, so despite being longtime friends, he left when we were only teenagers. Our friendship never matured above simple adolescence. I've drank before, but with people who knew me as an adult and vice versa. What would it be like to drink with Kei? Even more, what would it be like to be drunk with Kei? We still held in front of us the teenage image of each other. Give teenagers hard liquor and you know what happens…

Of course, I was nervous. Understandably so…

With a near-smirk, he nodded and still stared at me as he told the waitress our order. "Just give us a bottle of your best vodka with two shot glasses."

In addition to the horrible hangover and headache, my body ached all over, especially at my… well, the area….my penis-sock area. I squirmed, rubbing my thighs together in a petty attempt to make the unusual irritation go away. It didn't hurt in a throbbing pain sort of way…it just felt…well, weird. I took the end of the strange white sheets and flapped it over my head. Now I was completely under the sheets in my own little sanctuary. What the hell happened? Last night… I had a feeling I was going to discover something that I'd regret….

Bring on the waterworks…

We sat in silence, waiting for the vodka to come. Both of us hoped the liquor would loosen things up, but even with something as hard as vodka, that didn't come so easily. We were just as silent sitting there drinking. Shot 1 and Shot 2 of the clear drink did nothing to me except make my throat tingle. My stomach felt warm inside, but with a situation this awkward, I needed to drink more in order to bring a single word out from my mouth. Kei also felt the same way, yet he wasn't chugging shot after shot like I was. He, at least, took breaks and stared out through the window, admiring the view. Once Shot 4 went down my throat, I was surprised to find myself nowhere near tipsy. My nervousness couldn't have possibly made me immune to alcohol. I was a lightweight after all. Two shots and I'm out. But Kei didn't wait for our sobriety to dissolve.

"So why are you a man now, Yui-or should I say Yuisuke-san?" he asked, embodying the definition of blunt.

After a shot, I shook my head to make it work properly, regretting that I chugged that one a bit too quickly. I stared at him, still pretty sober. "I think you know the answer to that," I merely replied, taking in another shot. Dammit, why wasn't I tipsy yet?

He sighed, clearly disappointed in me. "You did all of this just so you could join a ban-"

"Not just any band," I interjected. "In-ner Sanc-tum!" He knew I was a fan ever since high school. And he loved Rei's ingenious lyrics just as much as I did. Joining a band like that was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Only an idiot would turn something like that down.

Now it was his turn to chug in the shots. After three…or was it four (?), he gave out a rough exhale and continued, "You gave up your identity…your sex…just so you can be a replacement guitarist for your favorite band?"

Did he just belittle Inner Sanctum? They weren't just any visual kei band. I sighed in frustration. You gave up your identity. That line irritated me.

"What do you mean identity?! Who was the one who always called me Yui-KUN when we were growing up? Who was the one who didn't care when I wore boy clothes? Psh…you even lent me a few of your shirts, remember?" Now the alcohol was getting to me. Even though the bar only had a scattering of customers, they still stared at us, curious about our argument. At this point, decorum lost all meaning, and I took another shot. I stared at the bottle instead of Kei. There was only a quarter of vodka left.

"I can't believe you did this..." was his only reply.

Again, we drank in silence.

Despite having nearly seven shots, maybe nine, I was still sober enough to realize how strange this was… we never argued before. We had a few insults flung at each other here and there, in addition to numerous whacks on the head and kicks to the shin, but an argument with words? This was new…. we were arguing like adults now…well adults still argue like children, but the words are more sophisticated and there isn't much physical contact. So my fears had a purpose. I finally saw Kei-kun as an adult. And he did the same to me. We were two drunken adult friends having an argument with words and interrogation. My eyes began to dampen. Why can't we be in high school again?

Once the bottle was completely empty, there was only one thing left to do...

Kei flung the tip on the table and stood up to leave.

"Let's go to my room," he muttered.

White sheets…white sheets…. I was completely covered in white. Yes, this definitely wasn't my room. The image of Kei-kun smirking suddenly came into mind, along with the observation (well, more like sensation) that not only were these bed sheets white (not red)…but under these sheets I was also….uhm…


There, I said it. Happy now?

As much as I loved Yoshiki for putting us in a ryokan, I began to envy Kei-kun's posh furnishings. Sure, his room was a lot smaller than mine (and it didn't have its own private outdoor hot spring), but he had the Kyoto skyline. The wall opposite the bed was one huge window speckled with the lights of downtown Kyoto. One can never argue with a good view. The room was clean and minimalistic, modern Japanese interior designing at its best. Everything was either white or dark wood, save for the single chestnut-colored throw neatly folded on the enormous bed.

According to Kei, this was called the Harmony Suite, a sound-proof suite especially designed for musicians who want to practice in their hotel room. Who knew a hotel would exclusively cater to bands touring in Kyoto? Kei specifically emphasized the "sound-proof" part, which made things even more awkward. Too disconcerted and uncomfortable to sit on the bed, I took my place at a sumptuous sofa chair. Despite taking enough shots to kill a cow, Kei decided to take this drinking farther. I sat in the chair, between its two humongous padded arms, drinking a shot of vodka tonic (courtesy of Bartender Kei-kun) that came from the room's mini bar. Despite being near-drunk, I was still sober enough to remember the heart-attack inducing price of using a hotel mini-bar. I declined Kei-kun's alcoholic offers, telling him that 7,000 yen for a five ounce bottle of vodka wasn't worth it, but he mixed me the vodka tonic anyway.

He gulped down a shot and continued the interrogation that began in the bar, "So, you're really a guy now? A man? A male human being?!" His voice boomed, practically making the walls shake. I wasn't sure if it was because he was drunk or if he was truly angry. Was he the Mad type of drunk? Fortunately, Kei-kun said the room was sound-proof.

"Yes I am! I am…a-and I'm damn proud of it!!!" I shot back with complete (well, drunk-complete) assurance, just as loud and booming. Yet, despite the heat and the anger surrounding me, the alcohol finally made its way into my system. My head swayed from side to side as my eyes blinked and blinked. And blinked some more. I welcomed the drunken sleep and the morning hangover that would come with it. Anything would be better than this inquisition.

He threw an icy glare at me from his post at the bed, and opened another five ounce bottle, which he quickly downed. "But you're a lie…you're living a lie. A…" His head was also sleepily swaying. He tried to keep his composure by sitting cross-legged on the bed, with his arm on his knee, and his hand holding his head up

"I know…I know...but…" Too afraid to look into his eyes, I stared down at my glass and touched its rim with my fingertip. My grip began to loosen, and the glass slipped straight out of my hand, landing with a dull thud upon the snowy carpet. He was right, but he wasn't the one living this so-called "lie." I yawned, "Well, you sir would've done da shame…thing…if yuuu were…meh." I shook my head, trying to stay awake. Kei began to look blurry. He was fading away from me…

And then everything became dark.

I gasped, noticing the lack of clothing. I tried to recollect everything…or at least the bits and pieces I was able to recall. I put all the pieces together in my mind. We took a cab….

Sunset…with the two of us looking out the cab's windows then we laughed and went to some fancy hotel

Hotel Granvia…15th floor sky bar Lots of vodka, lots of arguing Shot after shot

Kei's Room Harmony Suite Sound-proof… more arguing more drinking…mini bar vodka....darkness and then…

If underneath all of that, you're still a woman. Then prove it…

I woke up to Kei's face next to mine. His breath still held the distinctly strong smell of vodka. I still felt a bit tipsy, but the worse of my drunkenness faded away with sleep. I sat up to meet the morning sun, but strangely it was still dark outside. I glanced over my shoulder to see the clock. 2:00. Only 2:00? Amazingly, I didn't feel that hung over, save for a small headache.

An eep! of surprise escaped my breath, when I heard Kei stirring in his sleep. He let out a lazy yawn.

I sighed and brought my knees towards me, resting my chin on them. Kyoto looked so peaceful and Kei looked peaceful sleeping. It was the calm after the storm. But what was going to happen once Kei wakes up? I didn't want another interrogation – I wasn't drunk. Not that drinking solves anything, but at least the numbing effect makes me persevere more.


Yet another eep! came from my mouth and I glanced over my shoulder. Kei-kun was awake, sitting cross-legged on the bed. He wiped his eyes, which had a tinge of red on them. He looked wasted.

"You're eyes are red," he said with a small smile.

But I didn't return the smile back. "So are yours," I replied. Turning around, I reverted my attention back to the window, bringing my knees closer to me. You can still smile after all of that? It was strange, Kei's smile always remains unwavering despite whatever shit goes down.

I slowly took in a calming breath and conjured up just enough courage. "So I guess you're disappointed in me?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Of course." Kei-kun's bluntness strikes again, but it wasn't angry like before. It sounded sad.

But my eyes remained on Kyoto. "But why? I'm only a guy onstage…I'm still Yui. It's not a lie…more like, a persona. All celebrities have a persona. You have one when you're onstage."

I felt the brief shake of the bed as Kei lay back down. He sighed, "That's not what I'm angry about…well, not what I'm really angry about."

Not what I'm really angry about???? Things were becoming more irritating and confusing by each word. "Well, why are you angry in the first place?" I demanded, spattering my words at him. "Why do you even care? I'm the one living this so-called lie. Not you."

"But I am," he replied, countering my irritation with solemn calmness. Then out of the blue came, "Rei-san's gay right? There was a tabloid report about it…"

"Yes…But what does that have to do with anything?" Was this Kei-kun's idea of a red herring? Was he just changing the subject in order to avoid the real problem? I sighed in frustration. Kei had no reason to be worried about Rei's homosexuality. It wasn't like Rei was going to rape Kei in his sleep…I was the one who should be more worried about that….gah.

"I saw you with him at the Neko Hut." He continued.

So he did notice me during the concert. I wasn't imagining things after all… "Well duh, we're in the same band. It's not a crime to go to concerts with your bandmates."

"Most bandmates don't stand that close to each other." Then he paused in reluctance, "Unless…"

Another pause followed, a lot longer than the first. It was as if he was thinking of what to say next, but realized that no matter what he said, it would come out the wrong way. I twiddled my toes, still looking at the window, but not really paying attention to the view itself. It was my ears that were the ones on guard.

He continued, finally breaking the silence. "So if you're a man now...does that make me gay too?" Suddenly, I understood Kei's anger…

My eyebrow shot straight up, but I was too scared to turn around and face him. So he feels the same way...

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." I fidgeted my body, trying to keep my composure. "I'm still a girl. It's not like I had a sex change opera-"

"But you're still a man," he interrupted, "You cut your hair. You dress in men's clothes. You've even made your voice deeper. You've been like this long enough that it probably comes natural to you now….even your walk is manlier." The bed shook a little once again. I guess Kei-kun was tired of taking this lying down. He sounded like he suddenly lost something and would never see it again.

"That's all in the outside though." I said with a sigh, "Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm suddenly attracted to women now…" I shuddered at the thought of suddenly becoming attracted to fan girls that looked like Aya-chan. It was only ONE kiss, I reassured myself. Then I continued, "And the anatomy is still female. Inside I'm still the little tomboy-girl Yui you remember… it's all in the inside, underneath all of these men's clothes"

Just then I could feel Kei moving closer to me. A nervous chill ran down my spine, followed by a sudden warmth. I gasped for air, feeling a set of fingers trailing down my shoulder. "If underneath all of that, you're still a woman," he whispered into my ear, "Then prove it…"

My eyes widened, suddenly remembering. I literally tore the sheets off me and sat up.

I remember holding my breath as I took in the full-spectrum view of Kyoto from the wall-sized window, knowing that Kei was closing in from behind…

The bedroom was empty. My sight suddenly took hold of my clothes, sitting on the sofa couch in a neatly folded pile along with my cloth bindings, which were wound up in a small roll on top. But Kei was nowhere in sight. I sighed, falling down back on the bed, dreading the emotional baggage that was to come. Just at that moment, I heard singing from the bathroom along with the gush of a shower. That singing could only come from Kei. I was dreading the moment he would come out of the shower and see me on his bed. And not only just on his bed, but naked on his bed. I pulled the sheets over me once again, seeking some kind of pitiful sanctuary.

Then prove it. Ever since we were little, Kei-kun and I always competed. Whether it was to see who the fastest runner was, or who had the craziest air guitar moves, I always tried to prove myself to him. And at that moment, he brought up another challenge for me to prove myself. But this time, it wasn't something as childish as air guitar competitions.

He placed a soft kiss on my neck, making my entire body tingle. So it wasn't unrequited after all. I wasn't just another one of Kei-kun's friends. I wasn't just Yui-kun The Tomboy, who followed him around with a hopeless crush. He had feelings for me too…deep feelings that went beyond the restrictions of Just Friends. What was once a mere unattainable dream became true. But I wasn't ready for reality yet.

He pressed himself against my back, the warmth of his body entirely encompassing mine. His kisses became small nibbles upon my ear. Before I could react, his hands were placed on both sides of my waist, sliding up to where my breasts should have been. They took hold of the fabric and slowly slid it up. My cheeks flushed with red, realizing I was still in Mr. Yuisuke Mode – my cloth bindings still wrapped around my chest. It must have been an awkward sight, and I cringed in embarrassment, knowing Kei was looking at the bindings in half-amusement, half-sadness.

But he hid the sadness behind a smile.

"What's with the bindings? It's not like you really need them with those small boobs of yours," he chuckled, staring at the white wrappings.

I playfully glared at him, "Hey, you're the one who wants to touch these 'small' boobs. And this is just further proof of my female anatomy."

He buried his face into the nape of my neck and muffled out, "Ah, but who said I was done with my inspection? You still have to prove you're a woman, remember?"

My lip curled both out of discomfort and arousal. It was strange seeing this other side of Kei. He never had a girlfriend in high school, well none that I knew about anyway. But there were a lot of girls (I wasn't the only one) who had a crush on him. But unlike me, at least these girls had the courage to confront Kei. They did the stuff that most girls did to their crushes. They'd follow him all around the school. They'd cheer for him during basketball and soccer games during PE. They'd even baked cookies, putting them in cute wrappings with a huge bow which they gave to Kei in the cute, shy way they first practiced in front of the mirror. We always ate those cookies together after school.

This time they wrapped it in some Doraemon paper, he would smirk, tossing me a cookie. Isn't it sorta wrong for you to give me this? I'd always ask. It wasn't that I was unhappy he chose to spend time with me instead of going out on dates, but there were certain levels of decorum involved in the Japanese high school ritual of Baking Kawaii Cookies for Your Crush. But Kei would always just shrug and say, "She can bake tasty cookies, but that doesn't mean I can fall in love with her."

I began to wonder about Kei's romantic history. I've never seen him kiss a girl before. Well, Aya-chan sometimes forced him to kiss her on the cheek as a form of punishment, but that doesn't really count. But from the kisses he was giving me, I could tell this definitely wasn't his first time being intimate… What happened in America? Did he go on dates with American girls? Are they better than Japanese girls? Would he meet random girls at the nightclub? Is he even still a virgin?

"How come you never did anything even though you had the longest crush on me?" he asked, leaving a trail of kisses down my back, with just a few strands of my chest bindings left to unwrap.

I couldn't help but laugh. But I wasn't laughing at the question, I was laughing at my own stupidity. "Because I thought you just liked me as a friend. It was better to play it safe than to be rejected by you."

A soft chuckle breathed on my shoulder. Was Kei amused by me? Or was he amused by his own stupidity? Then I paused, realizing that I should ask him the same question, "Well how bout you? If you had the longest crush on me, then why didn't you do anything?"

The last bit of binding fell off. I looked down, noticing that my boobs looked bigger than usual. They couldn't have grown that much since the morning when I wrapped them up….right? But then again, I'm not the type of person who really inspects their body on a daily basis … But this was the first time, in a long time, that I felt completely unrestricted. With Rei, I always had to keep my intimacy in check. But this…this was different. I didn't have to hide anything.

"I would go into this long explanation about how men are suppose to make the first move and how that sucks, but pretty much my answer is the same as yours," he said, nuzzling my neck.

I felt his hands moving up my sides again, but this time there were no bindings to distract him. He left more kisses around my shoulder and neck, but he was moving slowly, as if he was taking this "inspection" seriously. At that moment, I was a bit annoyed in this bodily position. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to see his reaction to seeing my naked body. The most skin he's seen from me was whenever we went swimming, and I always opted for one-pieces. Bikinis scare me, especially since they can fall off at the wrong (or right, depending on your perspective) moment. Did my body seem womanly at all or was I stuck in some prepubescent boy body? It was a little funny asking myself these questions that most women ponder on a daily basis. I never had to do this with Rei…the less feminine curves, the better. Actually, lack of feminine curves is best, considering the whole pretending to be a man situation...

"You probably know by now that I'm not a virgin anymore," he bluntly, yet sincerely stated in between kisses. "But whenever I was with a woman I always thought to myself…" There was a pause and he chuckled out of embarrassment, "I thought…what would it be like to do this with Yui instead?" He chuckled again. "That sounded perverted huh?"

In truth it did, but the guy meant well. "If you thought of my sixteen-year-old self while you were doing those things, then yeah, it kinda seems pedophilic…ish…"

"Now that's just wrong," he rested his head on my shoulder, hugging me close. "But I did wonder what you would look like when you got older… if your boobs finally grew or something."

I gave him a squinty, unamused look. "You know, I'm in the perfect position to give you a head butt."

He sighed into my ear, whether intentional or not I couldn't tell, but either way it made me shiver. "Che, even when I'm trying to turn you on, you just think of ways to physically damage me. How utterly romantic…" Just as he was delivering that sarcastic remark, his hands made their way onto my breasts, holding them gently.

I quickly moved my body to face him, mostly out of surprise. No one had ever touched me that intimately, so of course I felt a little squeamish. Not to say that I wasn't turned on, but this was Kei, the childhood friend I've known ever since I could walk. We just found out we liked each other more than friends just a few minutes ago…. weren't things moving a bit too fast?

He raised his eyebrows in slight surprise, but then lowered in understanding. He smiled, kissing me, "Gomen ne..."

gomen ne gomen nasai gomen gomen gomen…. I realized at that moment that I cheated on him…how do I apologize? do I even have to apologize? does he even have to know what happened? it can kept a secret…right? was it really cheating in the conventional sense?

I stared at the white around me with my body huddled together, knowing that once I left this makeshift sanctuary, I would have to deal with something that I couldn't endure. Well, my perseverance was possible, but the guilt involved in the whole thing was just unbearable. After every single thing that had happened, this was the first time the thought of my infidelity came into my mind. That must sound really pitiful and even sad (I know, be honest here), but Kei made me forget all about him. I left him on my bed, half naked, and completely….well, incomplete. I just left him in mid-oral arousal… that's enough to make anyone hate you. And to top it off, I left him to go into a cab with Kei, get drunk with Kei, and have more than just oral arousal with Kei. I wanted to beat myself right then and there, but my emotional exhaustion restricted my body into the best fetal position ever created.

The first time you have sex…well, it's weird to say the least. You don't even know what you're doing 99 percent of the time. But if you're with someone you truly care about, then that just makes it worthwhile. Sounds corny, but it's true.

Kei seemed to know what he was doing. How many times he has done it, I would never ask. That's something for him to tell me on his own. But for some strange reason I felt as if he was taking special care of what to do with me, like he was afraid to mess everything up with one wrong sexual move. Although, it's not like I would honestly know if he was doing it quote/unquote "correctly."

Of course I knew about SEX. It's not really a mystery. Aya-chan's told me her share of stories. My onii-chans have too. I accidentally ran into my parents doing it when I was little. Kei-kun and I laughed at immature, sexual jokes. There's even a condom shop right next to the Neko Hut. And, for your information (according to Ren's own words), the Crown brand condom is the "best condom ever created by man coz you feel like you're not wearing anything at all" Yep, that's what he said. Rei agreed with him, but I'm not going to get into that. However, it does serve as the perfect segway….

After Kei apologized for the sudden boob-hold, he promised me he would be gentle. I smiled when he held up his pinky to show he meant it. So we shared the all-powerful pinky swear and followed it up with a kiss. It felt uncomfortable being the only one practically naked, so I shyly tugged up at his shirt. He smiled and helped me pull it off. After that, everything happened so quickly…

I found myself lying on the bed, with Kei on top of me. I was completely naked, but luckily for Kei, his plaid boxers remained on. He was looked deep into my eyes, knowing what to do next, but completely unsure if he should do it or not. Like a proper gentleman would, he waited for my consent. It's funny how in the movies they just go straight at it, but this is reality. But what could I say? This is what I've been waiting for ever since I thought of Kei as more than just an older brother-like friend. Ok, so I wasn't thinking about having sex with Kei, but I wanted to be intimate with him. And this moment was the epitome of intimacy. It was all surprising, yet not. Since we both kept these feelings restrained for such a long time, it naturally burst out like this.

"Uhm…" I stared up at him, completely flustered. Yes, seems like the most obvious answer, but it was more complicated than that. I didn't want to be cute and smile with a soft-spoken, "Hai." That was too cliché and cheesy for me…. And after Aya-chan's not-so-romantic details about her first time, I was a little scared to tell you the truth. This would change everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. The fact that I could still feel the after effects of the vodka didn't help one bit. And I hoped that Kei was sober enough to realize the gravity of the whole situation.

Kei caressed my face with the back of his hand, awaiting my answer. Yes No Yes No Yes No…Yes…No…would a no disappoint him? Would saying I'm not ready make me look like a complete loser? But a really loud Yes would make me seem a bit…uh, horny. This was embarrassing to say the least.

"Do you have a condom?" I finally decided to reply after careful thought. Yes, I know that's not the most romantic thing to say, but it killed two birds with one stone. One, it implied that I did want to make love to him. Two, it guaranteed there wouldn't be any little baby Keis running around at my young age.

Kei stared at me for the longest time trying to restrain a laugh. His thumb stroked down my cheek. "Like I said before, how utterly romantic of you…"

I smirked, poking the tip of his nose. "It's a lot better than saying, 'Oh yes Kei, give IT to me NOW! Ah!'" I added exaggerated moans for extra effect.

"Yess…good point." He chuckled and gave me one more kiss before literally flying off the bed in search of a (yes, you've guessed it) Crown Brand condom that was fished conveniently between the yen bills in his wallet.

After a victorious retrieval of the Crown for his…um, crown, his head hovered over my entire body, leaving trails of kisses here and there. Still squeamish and completely self-conscious, I closed my eyes, hoping he wouldn't pay attention to my various stretch marks and unflattering bumps. But my embarrassment dissolved with each soft touch he left on my skin.

"Ok, I believe you. You are a woman underneath. You've proven yourself, grasshopper," he softly replied. My eyes were still closed when he kissed me on the lips, but then quickly opened afterward when he-


His hand cupped the core area in between my legs, with his fingers gently working their way to the precise spot that would make me moan in arousal. I looked at him in surprise, my eyes wide open. But he only answered with a kiss on my forehead. It was surprising that he made a move like that – giving me all the attention instead of going right in. He continued and kissed my lips, using his tongue to play with my lip ring. The smell and taste of vodka took over me, making me moan again. And as that scent filled my nostrils, I came.

With that, he took his hand away, but kissed me again a lot harder than the previous kisses. As he licked my collarbone, my hands slid down his back onto the elastic part of his boxers. I slowly slipped them off, then gently clutched his erection with one hand. At this point, I wasn't really thinking anything. My body was moving as reactions to Kei's. He was just as surprised as I was for making such a move. I guess I just wanted to return the favor… After giving me a quick look of surprise, he softly groaned, nuzzling the nape of my neck.

Once his boxers were completely off, and the Crown in place, we looked at each other for a moment and smiled. Again, it was one of those moments when we would just share a small smile at each other, knowing something that no one else did. But this time, that understanding wasn't out of another inside joke. This was no joke, but it did involve going "inside." Pardon the pun…

Still in my fetal position, I stared at the white that surrounded me. The weight of guilt finally fell upon me…and it fell very hard too. Why are the sheets white? I thought to myself. Black would be more appropriate…it suited my mood better.

Yet despite the heavy guilt, remembering last night made me smile. Not only did I kiss Kei for the first time, but we also… My smile widened even more from the thought. He was gentle, more than I expected actually. And to top it off, he placed most of the attention on me instead of concentrating on his own male libido. Aya-chan's story of her horrible first time greatly differed from mine… Kei did…I don't know what to me, but he did something. And it worked. It was funny realizing how a simple touch could do so much for a person. I began to finger my own skin out of curiosity, looking at the parts that he touched, trying to figure out why it felt so important and so nice at the same time. It was sex of course, and with sex comes arousal, but there was another feeling to it. I don't know if I could really call Kei my soul mate, but it sure felt like it…or at least something remotely similar. I let out a girlish giggle, which I quickly stifled with my hand. This act that I did with Kei was practically impossible to do with Rei…unless I really do have a sex change, but that would never ever ever ever ever be an option. But that didn't stop me from wondering (even for a second) what it would be like to make love to Rei, and I mean really make love…

"Yui?" I felt a poke from the other side. Stupidly, I didn't notice that Kei's shower ended, so I wasn't able to prepare myself. How does this morning after stuff work exactly?

"Ne?" was my feeble response, still in my amazing fetal position.

The mattress tilted with his weight, and he tried to pull the bed sheets away from me.

"Kei! I'm still nekkiiidd!!" I held onto those sheets like my life depended on it.

He let out a chuckle, "If you're still embarrassed about being naked, it's not like I haven't seen it before. C'mon, get out of there." He pulled even harder. "Why are you so shy this morning? You weren't shy last night. I never thought you would be the aggressive type..." The guy just had to laugh.

I groaned in annoyance, but unfortunately that sound instigated another sexual joke.

"Yui?" He poked my leg through the white. "Are you up to something naughty in there? Well, if you are, you better be thinking of me. Hey, I'll even join you. I'm just wearing a towel."

And that comment was just enough to make me get out. I threw the sheets along with a pillow at his face. "Take that you hentai!! You're even more perverted than you were in high school."

"American culture can do that you do." He winked, and just stared at me for the longest time in amazement

Suddenly, I noticed I was standing in front of him in all my naked glory. At that, I began to regret I threw the sheets at him and quickly grabbed a pillow to cover myself. "Baka…"

We shared another one of our smiles and I quickly scampered into the bathroom, in great need of a shower. Who knew cum could be so….gah, nevermind…

The warm water felt so inviting. My hangover quickly went away. I looked down at my breasts. I am really a woman underneath, but only a few people know this. They're the ones who knew me for who I was but not who I am now…the who that I'm now is Hoshikita Yuisuke, guitarist of Inner Sanctum, part-time Rei sex reliever. But was that musical dream all worth it? I thought of the live shows, the audience, the song-writing….those things made me feel alive, but even more I thought of Rei. He made me feel different, and I mean a good different. My passion for visual kei and music are strong (no denying that), but Rei kept the lie going.

I stared up at the shower head, letting the water gush on my face. It made me think of the rain – rain and that time Rei drove me home while it poured. We were shouting at each other, and he was driving like an insane person. But it was at that moment of anger, that our softer feelings for each other became exposed. The thought of my infidelity came back. But I'm a completely different Yui when I'm with Kei…so it's not really cheating…right? The Yui that I am with Rei is a man…this Yui is a woman. Despite the water that splashed all over my face, there was a different wetness that I felt. My body began to shake uncontrollably from all my sobs. I helplessly leaned against the shower wall, hugging my naked body. I suddenly felt disgusting. Nothing was solved. Kei Rei Kei Rei Rei Kei Kei Rei Kei… the tug of war was still going on, but I stupidly made it more complicated.

All because I couldn't hold my vodka.

Closing notes (because a chapter like this deserves a paragraph of it)

A Hotel Granvia does exist in Kyoto (and yes, a sound-proof Harmony Suite exists too along with the 15th floor sky bar) and it's a very pretty hotel from what I saw in their website…. And yes, there are condom shops and a Crown condom brand. How do I know this? Let's just say, colleges offer very interesting guest speakers…

So I suppose this chapter was an eye-opener that either disappointed you or made you jump for joy, or just remain plain surprised. Perhaps you're still staring blankly at the computer screen? Hehe. I actually wasn't planning on having Yui and Kei fornicate, but this chapter just…well it kinda just happened as I was typing.