My Release


I've struggled with these things

For longer than I could handle.

How I managed to make it through,

Only You can know.

I barely clung to life

Never wanting to go on.

But you pushed me forward,

Even when I slipped backwards.

I begged for you to release me from this pain,

But you never did.

You could have made it go away in an instant,

But you kept it there.

You told me to hold on,

To trust you.

You knew what you were doing.

I didn't understand.

Couldn't understand.

Wouldn't.

But I did it anyways.

I clung on to every last hope,

Every thought of you.

And it was then,

When things took a turn for the worst,

And Satan entrapped me with his hatred,

That you reached out your healing touch.

I couldn't feel it at first,

The walls made me numb.

But I knew it was there,

And I fought.

I fought with all I had.

I screamed in anguish

For those things to release me.

I couldn't do it on my own,

My screams meant nothing to those vile beings.

Maybe that's what you were trying to show me.

That I can't face everything on my own.

I may be strong,

But I'm not strong enough.

You brought people in that could help me,

And saved me from the dark hole.

But that wasn't my full release.

You told me there were things I had to do first.

Listen to you.

Follow what you said.

And I did it.

But that still wasn't all.

And as I lifted my hands off that final person,

Who you told me to pray for.

You said 'Drop to your knees'.

And I did.

The tears began to flow ferverently,

As you revealed to me through prayer,

The final step.

I had to forgive myself.

Forgive myself for not being strong enough

To fight on my own.

Forgive myself for being so stubborn,

That I wouldn't ask for help.

For every wrong I had committed,

I had to forgive myself.

And for the first time in my life,

I did.

Suddenly,

This weight lifted from my shoulders,

And my spirit felt free.

It was gone.

I was released.