A brief history of the Cold War

The cold war was officially declared in September 1945. It was caused by a British secret agent, 00theyreallydidn'texpecttheseagentstolastiftheypreparedforonethousand, being lured to Russia by the beautiful defector, Steretypikal Innuendokov. The agent then was duped into stealing a Russian code machine from the submarine, U 571 [rated 12]. This was retaliated with the capture of the agent and defector [who both duly escaped by making bomb from a cigarette lighter, a tube of toothpaste, and an oddly placed lead pipe. The pair then managed to evade capture and avoid killing any of the local population, despite detonating the entirety of the Russian armament and crippling its military might. This highly enraged the Russian president Ernst Blofeld, who ordered the destruction of a large cigar factory, [later known as the Cuban Missile Crisis]. Further strikes were averted by the American president, JFK, sleeping with Monica Monroe for no apparent reason.

Elsewhere, several design plans were misread. The first, a proposed patio extension, was misinterpreted and made into the Great Wall of Berlin [which is the only object visible from the moon]; a serious blow to German efficiency, and still stands to show the love of the motherland and patios everywhere. The second was a plan for the ultimate window dressing, the Iron Curtain, which separated the already tiny land of Russia into two.

Tension between the US and the USSR by the new and improved American

president, Ronald McDonald, opening a chain of high-quality Gourmet

restaurants in the USSR. Such high quality foods took the land by storm, and before long, all Russians were stealing other peoples' languages and claiming the invention of British-made products.

The Luke-warm war ended when a local Russian drunkard, Boris Yeltsin, hopped into the nearest tank and fired at the block of flats, which the Russian Prime Minister was using as the state-affairs office, killing only the evil Blofeld, and saving the free world.

Nothing was ever heard of Yeltsin again.