I deserve this
All my emptiness
As I take the kriss
Of loneliness
To my heart

I cradle despair in my hands
And wear my shawl of shame
Time's grains trickle through my fingers
As I etch in the blame
Into my soul
It's clear I've lost control
I took the pain
I lost the reign
Of my feeble mind
I broke the golden chain
Of love
With a hand in a glove
Of inky blindness

You can move on now
I just sit and wonder how
I did what I did
By toying with the notion of Hope
I cannot hide from myself inside
From the darkness I have made
Oh, what I would trade
Just to be able
To make my life stable
Or to travel back
Make my noose slack
And get you back on track
Away from me
I wish that you could see
There is another way...
But you said I cannot stay
In your world

I deserve this
All my emptiness
As I take the kriss
Of loneliness
To my heart

I wish you could be
Free
With me
Probably you could
If you would
But you won't
Because you don't
Deserve to suffer

Looking into the mirror and what do I see?
I thousand fragments of Disgust staring back at me!
Pain lingers inside
I spit upon myself
I would dwell
An eternity in Hell
And still not redeem
The slightest gleam
Of Righteousness

Even after
All the laughter
My friends have given me
I still forget to remember to see
While Despair crouches in my deepest heart
As my illusions of decency it rends apart
Self-Loathing grins at me from its cage
As I fail at turning the page
Of the book of time
Through my rhyme
And still I fall again

So I pray
So I lay
Down my life
Down my strife
And search for Hope
In the pages of my mind
Lost I cannot find
My soul's worth
And so I wish for the end.

05/02/2004

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Author's Note: A kriss is an ancient kind of dagger thought to have magic or mystical qualities to it