~Depression can be so draining. Once again I am relapsing.~

I see those eyes
Watching me drown
The face a frozen frown
Denying me
Hating my cause
Wishing me gone
But you don't even know me
Staring me down
Holding me there
But I don't even care
These things I've found
Last only for a little while
And soon I will be smiling again
Grinning through the pain
My eyes bright with denial
That's why I don't fear
There's nothing left to hurt me
That I haven't tried for myself

Slap me
It will only sting
Kick me
The pain is not unending
Spit on me
And watch it evaporate
These are the things in life I hate

Why do you lie
Then cry when you're found out
Apologizes are words
These words seed doubts
Yet they're still sown
In hearts once filled with love
Nothing grows there
but filth and mud
do you hate me now
now that you're secrets out
will you scream and shout
defile me here
or wait until its dark
where only the heavens will see
how you destroy the physical me

I see those eyes
Watching me drown
I see that grin
Forcing me further down
Nothing touches me
But the weight of my own heart
I've destroyed you
And now what shall I do
Scrawl your name in the sand
Give fame to this broken land
Slander you're exposed image
To make the world understand
But you're just like them
Only what they made you
They made me too
But in my own view
I'm different too
I see these scars
Marks of hatred and denial
Do I go wild
No I accept them as my own
Token of a broken home
Of spoken lies
Loud children cries
And all come crashing down

Its all my fault
If I would shut up
And stay down
In the gutter where I belong
Clinging to these hard turned stones
Splattered with dark earth tones
Squalor and mud
All I need to survive
Living despite the lies
Despite the bruises
Not laying the blame
With out a finger
To point out the culprit
In these decrepit conditions I thrive
No.
My mind needs more to live
So I fought
And I still fight
The weight of my heart
Dragging me down
But I wont drown
No
I've grown used to breathing filth

~ The hard part is I know what's happening and I know how to conquer it. But the harder I fight the longer it lasts . Draining me of my mind and sanity.~ Nat