I used to be great at social consumption, y'know. Well, socialising is a natural thing. It's not something you need to put any thought or effort into; it's pretty much just about being there.
But social consumption. Well, everything in the social atmosphere needs to be consumed. Food, drink, women, conversation. Trust me, the list goes on and on.
It's like that one about Devideev and the Dragon. Oh, you haven't heard that one? Well, let me tell you, then.

There was this kid called Devideev and he lived in a small village. He was mostly content and so were many of the villagers. But there was this big ugly monster. A dragon, in fact. Now mind, Devideev wasn't a coward by any stretch of the word.
He would take on fifty, a hundred men, even knowing that he would lose, even die. But this dragon, it had great gaping jaws, that in one crunch could swallow three village houses. These were houses made of wood. Wooden planks nailed together. Not four-by-twos though, half that. More like two-by-ones.

Anyway, this dragon, it could and it did. The first of the victims swallowed up in a single motion was Devideev's own Grandmother. He couldn't stand up against this beast. Not because he was afraid. Oh he was afraid, but that wouldn't have stopped him. If he had stood up to that thing it would devour him soon as look at him.

Devideev took a hold of the treacle jar and looked inside. The jar was half-full, of treacle, no less. He walked over to the lower cupboard and took out a small pot. He reached into the pot and took out another jar. This one was marked POISON.
He poured the poison into the treacle and mixed it together with his hands. Screwing up his face as he did so. The stickiness of it all was quite icky.
He laid a grease pan out on the table and schlooped the balls of death, onto it. He took care to dip each of the one hundred balls in chocolate. Dripping thickly, he took four of the balls and mashed them together.
Mushing and rolling, he formed a new ball, and dipped it in chocolate once more. He did this again, and again. Until there were twenty-five giant chocolate-covered balls of death, sitting on the tray.

Outside, Devideev's brother, Manamana sat playing chess with a kid from down the street. The kid's name was Freido. Freido was stewing. The night before, Freido had played Manamana.
They had played and Manamana had won. But then Manamana had laughed and laughed at Friedo. Friedo had snapped. That night he took out his own chessboard and taught himself to play.
He played against himself over and over again. Until he was convinced that he had turned expert. Now Friedo was five moves away from beating Manamana and Manamana knew it. Friedo could see in his friend's eyes, that Manamana knew he was beaten.
Friedo decided that he had made his point, he did not need to beat his friend over the head with it. So he offered Manamana a draw. Manamana conceded.
Devideev offered the dragon no such mercy.

THE END