There is this girl.there's always a girl.

She's beautiful.in her quietness she radiates, I know that sounds corny but there's no other way to describe her.

She has the plainest dress sense.she comes into class quietly and sits at the same desk every week. She thinks no one notices her.I notice her.

I stare at her.maybe out of obsession or something more.maybe my obsession has turned into something more.

She's beautiful.

I hope she notices me.maybe even catch me at the corner of her eye staring at her. She doesn't speak, she just sits there.I never even knew her name until today.I talked to her about something stupid merely to hear her voice. I asked her 'so your book is yellow?'.I just wanted to hear her. She smiles when she talks.its amazing, it gave me butterflies, she gives me butterflies

.Maybe I think about her too much.jeez, what have I gotten myself into.

Her name is Melina.she wore a green shirt today.it looked good on her, maybe its St Patricks Day today and she's Scottish.she looks Scottish.

I think about her over and over again.she constantly haunts my mind, I want to be everywhere she is.I want to be with her

She looks like she's never had a boyfriend or a relationship in her life.maybe an occasional fling in primary school when everyone wanted to know what a kiss felt like but nothing more than that.

I smile when I think of her.she leads me away from this world into our world, my world of fantasies

.I've got this big chair in my room.all my good thinking has been a result of sitting on this chair.I think about her sitting in this chair with me. I'll play with her fingers, kiss her shoulders gently and talk about mundane things.I'll ask her 'if she really wants to do this?' and 'I have a crush on her'.she'll smile and reach over to kiss me.it'll be an amazing kiss. I can feel her in my mouth.she tastes ever so sweet .I'll think about us together in a relationship.away from the world, in our own little house. We'll fight about stupid things and I'll miss her so much that I'll say sorry just to hold her again.she's always be my princess and I'll die for her.

.I'll ask her to marry me.she say 'no' because it cant happen. She's a girl and so am I.she'll say we'll never be able to lead a normal life.

I don't want a normal life, I just want to be with her

.we'll part, she'll leave and I'll use alcohol to comfort me because my friends think I'm an alcoholic already.they don't know about my life. .I'll drink for days on end .I'll cry so much I'll forget the purpose of my tears

Then one day when its raining a monsoon outside.I'll hear loud knocks on my doors.I open my door and there she is.soaking wet and crying

.She says she can't live without me .She loves me .fuck society .fuck the whole wide world .I just want to be with you

I'll let her in.we'll kiss passionately and she'll say she's sorry.I don't care, I keep on kissing her.I just want to hold her

.I slowly undress her, she must be cold. I bring a towel to comfort her naked body.she doesn't want the towel.she wants me

Just then I realise.what a dream I'm living in.I could never tell anyone my happiness, not the world, not my friends or even my family.

I don't want to live my life a secret...I want everyone to know how much I love Melina, I want the world to see what I see.

I'll silently whisper 'I love you, I love you, I love you.' over and over again till I can understand this feeling.I hold her close to me as we lay in the bed.

.I kiss her shoulders and then I kiss her hands

We lay there in silence, I don't want to sleep.I just want to stare at her.I gently stroke the hair of her face and she kisses my hand.

.I never want to sleep, I want to stay here in this moment forever.it all seems perfect. For the first time in my horrible life, I'm content.I don't need the world, I need Melina. We'll stay in this bed forever, we don't have to go anywhere.this is our world.no one can harm us when we are silently tucked away in our world

.I'll think about you always .I'll call your name a million times .Melina .Melina .Melina .I'll say it over and over again

She'll slowly move around in bed, in slight agitation.maybe she can feel my eyes gruelling her. She'll whisper something, maybe she's in danger in her dreams.I feel the slight need to protect her, to go into her dreams and fight off these warriors.maybe I'll die - maybe I will not survive the war in her dreams - I'll lose the war but I'll always have Melina. While I sleep a thousand sleeps.I'll dream a long dream of Melina.it will be perfect.she'll always be there.in my illusion, in my lucidity...

Its morning now.as she wakes up so do I.I'm cruelly reminded of where

I'm.back into the horrible classroom where my drunk tutor is preaching us ideology in her recovery stage.

I turn my head to slowly glimpse at Melina.she's still there We're strangers again.she doesn't turn her head to look at me, she merely sits in silence..

Its time to go now.face the world without Melina.I pass her by on my way out without saying anything.maybe I'm too scared I might reveal everything.

.She becomes a stranger, not my Melina but simply Melina

.As I walk out the door I turn around to take another glimpse at her.she radiates, she takes my breadth away.I wish I could tell her all these things but I walk out in silence.leaving Melina behind. I await the moment where I'll see her again.maybe next week or the week after.but I'm scared, the more I see her...the more I will not be able to live without her

I wish I could tell her how I feel 'Melina I have a crush on' .and maybe she'll have the same feelings for me - I tell myself that in my lucid dream

In reality.she'll look at me in disgust - as some creature who horribly falls for people of the same gender.maybe.or maybe I just want Melina What if I don't see her again.panic races through my mind and tears flow down my face.I quickly run into the toilet with that stupid excuse 'there's something in my eye'. .I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while.what seems like forever .Pull yourself together Sarah - you crazy, pathetic person .I walk out into the world without Melina Until next time when I let my dreams take me to you again .Till we meet away from a world beyond this - where we'll end up in that bed - in our world .Till our dreams.