Title: Do You Know Why? (01/01)
Author name: E.D. Fiorentino
Category: General
Sub Category: n/a
Keywords: love, questions
Rating: T
Summary: I wrote this last year (May 2003) when I was going through a time of conflicting feelings over a breakup, over a new crush, and the beginning of a new relationship.
Rated G for all audiences.
DISCLAIMER: All plots, ideas, and characters are derived from original thoughts by the author. Use of said characters, plots, and ideas are forbidden without written consent of the author. In plain old English: DO NOT STEAL!!
Author notes: See summary.

Do You Know Why?

You know that feeling where your stomach seems to be full of fluttery things, where your heart beats faster, you can't stop smiling, can't stop giggling? You know that feeling where your palms sweat, you pray to God that your hair isn't doing that frizzy thing, you're self-conscience, imperfect? You know that feeling where your friends aren't there, he or she is the only thing that matters, you two are the only people in the room?

Of course you do. You understand. You feel the same.

You know why people do funny things when they think they're in love, why everything seems brighter, happier? You know why people deny the feelings they have felt for so long, day in and day out, ignoring the flutters, the faster pulse, the smiling and giggling? You know why people are made fun of by their friends when they find out about their crush, whom they like, how they have supposedly known all along because your face is like an open book?

Of course you don't. You have never understood. But it's just more fun this way.

You know how one can sit there and talk like there's no tomorrow, how stuff relevant to the world is just stuff, how nothing really seems to matter, it's not important? You know how flirting is just a game, something fun to do with people of the opposite gender, a contest to see how quickly you can make the other person like you more than just a friend?

Of course you do. It comes naturally. You'd get the gold if flirting were an Olympic event.

You know that feeling where you have to avoid everyone, you can't talk, can't think? You know that feeling of mental incapability because he or she is on your mind all the time? You know that feeling when one of your friends says, in his actions, he likes you back?

Of course you do. It's the same for everyone. Plus, your friends aren't blind to the flirt fests during class.

You know why I turned away? You know why I went to him, why he is now mine, and I his? You know why I poured my heart and soul, and he took me in, sheltered me in my time of need? You know why I'm going to stop the game here, why I'm going to end everything with a bang?

Of course you do. It'll hurt you when you find out, that I know. It's something that can't be helped.

You know why I did this?

Of course you do. You couldn't admit what you felt to me. I couldn't either.

You know why I trust him more than anyone? You know why even though some of my closest friends manage to break my heart with the confrontation of the things I had done, and another with the things she continued to do to herself, even after I had warned her, I still lay trust in people? You know why, here's the joke, I trust only him?

Here's the secret that I've been hiding: he's the only one who really seems to take me seriously. He's the only one who listens, and then replies with things that help me, not something that acts as a drug, and is only temporary. He's the only one who threw out a life buoy and kept talking to me as he pulled me in. He's the only one who tried so hard to gain my trust. He's the only one who made the effort to gain that trust.

You know why the rain makes me happy? Why those tiny droplets of water make me want to sing and dance, why I want to lift my arms and drink in life in its purest form? Why I could just stand there forever?

You know why I'm writing this for you?

Do I?

Of course not...I probably never will...