Half Breed

What am I really?

A pure blooded half breed?

Melding of Indian and Spaniard,

Of slave and conqueror?

Forged into a nation, a people

Dozens of generations of half breeds

Melting, merging into a people

Only to be thrown into another world

The pureblooded halflings,

Struggling, laboring, bleeding and being beaten

Rejected, insulted, crushed and abused

And so they became strong,

Making the best for their young,

Each generation reaching higher,

Standing on the shoulders of the beaten ancestors

But each generation growing farther from those ancestors

And I?

What am I?

I am a melding of all these things.

I am half beaten ancestor

From my father, el guero, I am the First generation,

Sangre pura, with proud roots still deep in the ancient

I am half reach-er, constructer

My mother, la morena, Fifth generation, gives me her shoulders to stand on

To reach higher in the Sixth generation

To carry on as last of the Caballeros, the only one of my generation

But what of this world?

Where do I fit?

The blood, la sangre, is pure through all,

But the spirit is split

First and Sixth

Beginning and Far

And they tell me I belong neither

Nor to the white world

My eyes, my hair, my name…

I don't belong there

But not to the world of my parents.

My speech, my skin, my peers…

They say I'm not welcome there either

The world of my parents, my ancestors, my blood…

And I am rejected

La sangre me canta, me llama Pero la gente no me admite

Where do I belong?

Who am I? Ripped, torn, fragmented child.

I scream to myself at night…Why? Why can't you fit?

I want so badly answer the call of my blood, la llamada de la sangre

But my tongue freezes, slow and heavy, when I must speak

And I know I can, I know I'm able, but I just…freeze.

So I stumble over my heavy tongue

And they laugh at the poor ignorant child

And I am left fragmented,

Belonging nowhere,

Bearing the look of distain that flashes across people's faces

When they hear my pronounce my last name correctly

Bearing the taunts, the humiliation,

Of being called "white washed"

I am left confused, lost, and unsure,

Who am I really?