By Anime Queen
I looked up at the ceiling of the bathroom, into the dim light at the top, and suddenly decided that I didn't care anymore. Didn't care if my friends all left me behind, I probably deserved it anyway. Didn't care if I was going to be left all alone for the rest of my life, I deserved that too. Didn't care that the steam was so dense in the little wash room that I could barely see the other side and it was hard to breathe. Neither did I care for the scalding water that slowly rose up covering my body slowly as the tub filled up. I deserved to hurt.
I thought about how everything ended up like this. But it was my fault, my own stupidity. I should have stayed inside my cocoon instead of opening up to them. Once I felt what it's like to be loved I couldn't go back. I wanted more...
I sighed deeply. I took it to the extreme, and ended up hurting myself in the process. I raised my expectations, and when it didn't happen the way I wanted to, I was bitterly disappointed. How I wish I could bring back my cocoon. If I could go back, I wouldn't make the same mistake again. I held myself, drawing my knees up to my chin.
Was it really all a mistake? I remember thinking, that if it was a mistake, it was worth making. I don't regret it. Live and learn, that's what they say. Well I've learned my lesson, all right, and learned it well.
But there is no undoing. I can never go back to the way I was before... it doesn't work that way.
I traced my palm over the smooth surface of the water, barely being disturbed by the strong stream of hot water from the tap on the other side of the tub. Why can't everything be simple? Why can't I see through my emotions as clearly as I can see my skin underneath the film of liquid under my hand? Why couldn't I see what was coming? Why did I take the plunge?
The answer is simple, though. I done it because I wanted to. I yearned to be loved, wanted to be cared for in a way that I haven't been before. The steam made me feel lightheaded, and I rested my head against the edge of the tub, looking up once more at the ceiling. How easily I can admit all this now.
The water started approaching dangerously close to the edge, spilling a little at every little movement I made. But I didn't reach for the tap, didn't turn it off. I let the water flow strongly, just as all my emotions were pouring out of me in a frenzy, and dissolving in the dense steam around me faster than I could understand them.
Why is it that I can never grasp what I'm feeling until I regret it?
The water started spilling out.
Why must I be so confused all the time?
It made little splashing noises on the tiles.
I need someone...
The water was now steadily pouring over the edge, making me loose my grip on the sides of the tub.
I felt my body being lifted slightly, and then sinking down.
The liquid was over my face, cutting off my air supply and blurring my vision. I struggled to focus on that dim light on the ceiling, so far out of my reach, through the water.
A/N: I seem to be stumbling over these depressing pieces lately ^_^;; I wrote this a while ago, I think... Either way, please share your thoughts ^_^