Innocent, Cynical Heart
I want to vomit
Disgusted with myself
The jealousy eating me up
I hate it
I hate him
I hate myself for letting you
Damn me
I knew before
When I was going into this
What it was going to be
And I went in
My heart on a platter
Ready for the cooking
And burning
The flaming of my emotions
I hate myself
Stupid, innocent and so blind
The cynic and the innocent
Blended to make one miserable child
I knew,
He told me
But it wasn't until I saw that I really understood
And that my heart was ripped from it resting place in my breast
Still beating
Pumping blood to my lifeless body
The memory of his burning touch
Now torches my emotions
Damn you, stupid, loving, gullible whore
Wretched whore
That you would give this much to him
To him that cares not but for the pleasure of the moment
And I am grateful I did not give it all
Grateful I was too afraid to give him all that I was
I see the pictures
His face smiling next to hers
To theirs
All of them...just women to him
And I was just another
He smiled in that picture the way he smiled with me
How many have you broken without meaning to?
You gave me warning
You hid nothing from me
And yet I chose to ignore it
Chose to believe you cared
Chose to give you my heart
And thank God I was too afraid to give you more
To give you my body and soul
And mind and spirit
You have my heart
Shredded as it is
But I still have my mind
And I can choose to walk away from you
And choose I will
This time I will choose wisely
To trade my heart for a life
And life that will rock this world,
Leave its impression
And change it for the better
Time to store away my heart
My hormones
My memories of white hot nights
And silent moments of bliss
Of burning fingertips
And rough lips
And strong hands
And bursting hearts
Because these things are fleeting
And I must focus
Work
For what will give me a future
And to do this
I must bury my heart
Burry it with the pictures of your smiling face
Smiling like it was in those pictures with them
The others
To you, I was just one more
To the world
I will be the one that changes it all