"Son of a bitch," spat the Monopoly man. "Who the hell buys boardwalk? For the love of god, no one ever lands on it. He could have spent that kind of money buying all the red properties instead. No, I get stuck with mister fancy pants."

"I hear its nice this time of the year," replied the Hat. The Monopoly Man glared at him. "Only you would say that." The Hat just grinned. Above them the kids were arguing again. Damn, how they always argued. Constantly bickering about something or the other. Usually it was what happened to the thick roll of one hundred dollar bills one of them had left lying around. If they were lucky the game would end like that and the Monopoly Man could go back into the box and not worry about it anymore.

"Hey, did anyone else see Jimmy embezzaling that money from the last real estate sale?" called the Racecar from the Free Parking square. The Monopoly Man nodded, a thorougly painfull act. "Yes, I don't understand why they let him be both the banker and the real estate agent. All he ever does is take money from them."

"It serves those other morons right for not learning how to count," cut in the Hat. "Stupid educational system."

"Oh no you woke up the socialist. God help us now," grumbled the Racecar. The Monopoly Man nodded again, wincing. Stupid metal.

"See, right there, thats the problem with you people. Always looking to the skies above to help you out. It's never going to happen, no divine intervention will ever get you ahead in life. To truly be happy you need to give up all those stupid religious beliefs and-" A giant hand swept down and knocked the Hat right off of the table. He landed with a clutter on the floor below the table. The kids were fighting again. On the board the Battleship giggled slightly.

"You know what?" said the Monopoly Man after a moment of silence amongst the hunks of metal.

"What?" asked the Racecar.

"I have a lot more fun when Kevin plays this game. I don't know why, but for some reason I really do."

"That's only because he always picks you and he always wins. You'd think they'd catch on about taking loans from him with a fifty percent per turn interest rate."

There was a loud clunk as one of the boys tossed the Hat back onto the board. He sneezed loudly and swore just as loudly about the dust under the dinner table. "Its not like their Mom has anything better to do. She is at home all day, maybe at some point she could actually clean."

"Whatever happened to the liberation of the working classes?" Asked the Monopoly Man with a smirk. The Hat was about to reply to that statement when the thundering overhead announced the return of the boys to the game and the dice came cluttering down from above. The Racecar grinned before he remembered he couldn't. "And Einstein said God doesn't play dice." When he realized the others were staring at him he was quick to continue. "Pun intended," he clarified.

"Oh I hate this part," moaned the Battleship as she was hauled off towards Boardwalk, where she was asked to spend the night, curtesy the Monopoly Man and Harry. The Racecar rubbed his chin before he remembered he didn't have a chin. "Oh, the irony," he said. The Monopoly Man just glowered at him.

"The key to this game is the railroads and the utilities. You control those and you control the board," said the Monopoly Man finally. "Kevin understood that. He was a man after my own heart."

"Oh, get off of it. Kevin won because he cheated like a bastard through the entire game. It wasn't becuase he always got the railroads at all. The real key is using the stupidy of the younger kids to your advantage, if anything," replied the Racecar angrily. Kevin never picked him.

"Look at that, the explotation of the weak and-"

"Shut up!" yelled the Monopoly Man and the Racecar together. The Hat was rebuffed. "Well, I never," he started to say but stopped when he saw the look on the Monopoly Man's face.

"Hey, for all that money this place isn't that great," called the Battleship from Boardwalk. She sniffed slightly. "I was expecting better treatment at such an upscale property as this." The Monopoly Man shrugged. "As long as I have no competition I'm not going to change." He thought for a moment. "Other than raising the prices I mean." The Racecar could have sworn he heard the Hat sob quietly.

"You're better off than me," replied the Racecar. "I'm stuck in this dump. What's it called again?" he searched vainly for a name on the old board.

"It's Baltic Avenue. The purple is always Baltic Avenue," said the Monopoly Man angrily. After so many years, one would assume that one had memorized the entire board inside out. The Racecar waved a hand dismissively before he remembered he couldn't. "Ah, it doesn't matter. Jimmy's rolling again anyway." A few second later the Racecar was in the just visiting section of the prison. "Ooh, this place is really terrible," he said. "If only they would put a little more money into rehabilitating these people, maybe they could rejoin society as productive citizens of this country." The Monopoly Man slapped himself on the head. "Stupid democrats. Sometimes you're no better than the damn Hat, you know that right?" He was so irate he never even noticed it was his turn until he landed on the income tax square. "I hate taxes. Why the hell aren't they cutting taxes? This really upsets me you know that? I worked for this money. I worked damn hard for it and now the man is going to come and take my money from me? Ridiculusness, thats what it is. If I were president..."

"If you were president we'd be at war with the Clue board game," scoffed the Hat.

"Hey, they are building Weapons of Mass Destruction. I'm sure of it. If you just let the Battleship and the Artillary Gun go down there and take care of things like I proposed last week than there would be no problems. Plus that stupid Colonel Mustard would stop sneering at us all the time. God I hate him."

"You know, I don't think you can be president of a board game. I don't think it would work. After all there are only, what eight or nine pieces all together? How many of us do you actually figure would have the time to vote or pay attention to politics," called the Battleship, still stuck at boardwalk.

"We don't do anything else, Battleship," replied the Monopoly Man.

"Well, still, I don't think I could find the time."

"Its people like you who destroy democracy," said the Monopoly Man. The Hat grinned. "Good," he said loud enough for everyone to hear. "You know I'd be willing to become automatic chairman if we decided to go communist. You'd never have to vote at all."

"Ooh, that sounds good," called the Battleship. "Yeah, I vote for that one." The Monopoly Man just groaned.