email: YingFa16@aol.com

this is my own..i made this poem up from the bottom of my soul

I can`t stand it some times

the way you look at me

the silent judging you do

i thought you were someone i could go to with out the politics of life

you were supposed to be my solid ground

my sound barrier.

However it just seems as if all you can do is say something else to make me feel stupid

when i`m around you i feel like i have no brain at all

i fell as if i can not do any thing with out you thinking i can do better

see your suppose to help me in this world of weirdness i have

all you do tho is judge me and tell me how i`m doing it all wrong according to you

i rather you be that solid ground again

not the someone who looks for the fauces everyone else sees

it hurts to know i used to look up to you

now i just think what an ass you are

i was smart

i might not be pretty but i knew who i was

then i came here

i was in your looking glass

nothing was or ever will be the same

i changed

i grew

you stayed the same
always judging, even if you have no right to

when my world was shaking i came to you for comfort

now when my life is tangled with yours you think that you know what would be right for me
and what will be wrong

where did i go wrong you? ask your shelf when you hear the ideas i have leave my mouth

that is what you do not get tho

my ideas

my mouth

my world

you may be able to tell me not to do something does not mean i am going to listen

i do listen

it always seems to be wrong

some how what ever i do there is a mistake or something i did not do good enough in the eyes
you look through

i waited for this day to say what i want

i don't

i just write it to you

because i am chicken to tell you

normally where i have no feelings i feel my self feeling for you

it scares me

i don`t know what to do

do i tell you what i think?
or holed it in for all time?

i want the words screw you and i hate you to pass my lips so many times
i just want to chant it to you

to make you realize everything that i am going through

fear keeps me back

because if i did let those things and my feelings pass from these lips would you still be there?

would you still care?

or would you leave me like so many have in the past?

the feelings i do have are starting to numb in to nothing

every thing that you say to me now is just nothing to me anymore

i can not feel it

why bother say any thing to me anymore

these feelings..oh yeah what feelings?

lost in a swirl of pain i thought was you

not any more

i am numb

i am glad

that numbness gives me the power to be in your world with out caring that you judge me

it is better this way.

what ever you say my world will never be you world

because you don`t know me

and never will