How can I explain this?
What can I say
To make others understand
What we feel?
It's so hard to comprehend,
And so illogical, but not untrue.
The problem is, I confused myself.
I also need help understanding what it is
I feel.

First off, it's 'love', that can't be denied.
But which love is it?
Do I love you as my friend?
Does my heart see you as more than that?
Is it possible that it you loves you as the sister I want?
Or could it even be the kind of love that lovers have?
This question, I cannot answer myself,
At least, not about what I feel now...

...Had that question come four years ago,
When we had met each other for the first time,
The answer would have been crystal clear and quick,
Because I wasn't confused then:
I loved you as a lover, like no other girl.
I can even say that now, because no one comes close
To you.
You were, no, you ARE perfect,
Even now as I'm confused, I still see you as perfect.
I asked you out.

But you said no.

That's where most stories would end,
But that's where our story starts.
You saw me like no other person does, let alone another girl,
And the magnitude of my love grew and grew,
But the direction? I don't rightly know...

You and me, it should've never been like this.
But we are the special case, and we are best friends.
Now that it is, I can't see it any other way now.
But where are we? What is it we feel?

My heart yearns, yet it feels content.
It hopes, yet it feels fulfilled.
It feels sadness, but also happiness.
I need you, but I don't feel sad without you
It loves you, but it loves you again,
In a completely different way.
All these things, it feels simultaneously

Please, help me,
And tell me what I feel...
Put me out of my confusion

[Written for my Angel, Susanita... Even though I don't know my emotions, I hope you do, and pray what we have just grows and grows xx]