Steps

By Goth-girl1

Dreaming of my life…

…those last days of school

            …the end of finals

                        …with untamed guilt

Up and down

Searching for my classes…my deliverance

            ….stairs that lead                     …up

                        ….nowhere      …up

                                    …up                                                    Dead end

                                                …down

                                                            …down

                                                                        …down

I won't be free for long…I'm waiting for release

In my mind I'm still there

…Anxious

            …droning

                        …lost

I didn't care that I lost a friend

            …or two

                        …or three

It's over now

            But in my summer reruns…

                        my dreams…

I'm still there…

            Taking finals…

                        Endless projects…

I'm still there

            So is she

Always I love her

            …in dreamland

                        …wrong

                                    …surreal

                                                …untrue

And my friends pull me back

            …while I wait for her

                        …and she betrays me

And my friend questions me

            …my motives

                        …my spirit

            I

                        don't

                                    love

                                                her

I have to stop dreaming…

Of kissing her

                        …Or holding her

                                                …Or loving her

            I

                        don't

                                    like

                                                her

She cheated on my friend

            I

                        can't

                                    stop

My friend always saves me

            We run from her…

                                    …run forever

                                                            …forever

                        Away                           away                            away

            Escalators and stairs

            Up…

Up…

            Down…

                        Down…

                                    Down…

And I find her again

            And love her again…

                        Down…

                                    Down…

                                                Down…

                        Away                           away                            away

She kisses me…

            In every way a kiss can be…

Close…close…close

I fought her…pushed her…

                        Away                           away                            away

And I was meant for him

                        Lost                                                                             Lost                  

                                                            Lost

When I wanted her

            Wrong…

                        Wrong…

                                    Right…

In dreamtime

            Right…                                          Right…

                        Right…               Wrong...

                                    Wrong…

She doesn't want me

            Wrong…

                        Right…

                                    Enigma…

And I don't want her

            Right…

                        Right…

                                    …Promise me I'm right

Who is "she"?

Down…                               Up…

                                    Right…                Right…

                                                Wrong…

And who am I?

                        The dreamtime girl who kissed back?

                                                Or the real one who lives in fear…shame

It's okay for others…

            But not for me.

                        This isn't what I am…

                                    Then why can't I stop?