pristine pariah

friday night
here i am
thoughts of you still linger in my mind
like a distant voice calling from behind
and i can't believe
how many chances i have blown
and why it seems to be i'm forever alone.
how come i'm never the one who you're drawn to?
how come it plays out that there's always someone more important to you?

you handle me with kid gloves.

and yes there are other people
but i don't truly care for them.
but i'm inconsequental, a piece of the scenery
a part of the furniture
to you.
and you could dispose of me so easily
i wish you just finally would.

because, look at it this way,
even if you didn't mean to, or it just kinda happened-
you're not the menace i'm making you out to be, i'm sorry-
you've killed me every single other way you could; spiritually, emotionally, mentally....
all that's left for you to do is to destroy the body.

to follow you around
my eyes watch your every move
like an old dog
that begs for affection,
that begs for attention,
but gets none.

and if i dismember myself, lose myself
what's the waste?
i think in cryptograms you see,
i think in a giant blue rhapsody.

you say i don't belong here.
i don't belong anywhere.