I smiled sheepishly. "Aw, how did you know it was me?"

She didn't lift her head from the book she was reading. I sighed and leaned against the trunk of the tree, my back to her. "I said, how did you know it was me?"

"You're the only person I know who makes lots of noise." Her voice was cold.

"You sounded as if it was some sort of a sin." I retorted playfully, yet feeling hurt by her words.

"Maybe because there are some people who value peace and quiet more than anything."

Was that...sarcasm? If it was, I decided to ignore it. "Look, I'm sorry."

She didn't reply. A frustrated sigh escaped my lips.

Her reaction was natural. I should have expected it, since I acted like a jerk. It was my fault... If I didn't open my big mouth, then none of this would have happened.

Still, she could have at least given me another chance.

"Listen." I exhaled sharply, trying to calm myself. "I know what I did--- well, it wasn't exactly the right thing."

She snorted.

She's not making it easier, is she? I groaned mentally, but I still went on.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, and I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything. But...you have to understand my reasons."

"I'm listening."

"Fine." I sighed again and continued. "You know what kind of a person I am. I easily get jealous, I'm an attention whore, and I'm a selfish bitch as well. And...and...it doesn't make things easier when I see you."

"So now it's my fault?"

"No." I shook my head sadly. "It's my fault. It's me, it's my pride, it's--- argh! It's just me, okay? You're...you're the representation of everything I'm not. You're popular and people like you...unlike me, who's just a reject...a wallflower. We like the same guy...but he ended up with you. You're good at everything...and I'm stuck with being mediocre. To put plain and simple...I'm jealous of you."

Once again, she didn't reply. I took it as a sign to go on.

"But it's not all that. I'm jealous...not only of you, but of other people as well. I'm jealous of the fact that you pay more attention to others. I was mad because when you said you'd be there...I couldn't find you anywhere...and you were busy with other things. I...I didn't mean to monopolize you...I'm just frustrated. You're...you're everything. And I'm nothing. You're like the sun...and I'm just the godforsaken moon that has to depend on you for light. That's why I'm sorry. I know you're tired of those words...but there was nothing else I could do. That's what I want to say."

"Oh." The same cold tone.

"I guess it's not fair when you always assume that I'm...evil. Sure, I do lots of stupid, crazy stuff---I act irrationally most of the time. But it doesn't make me someone who's damned to hell forever, does it?"

I heard her sigh...but whether it was from being impatient or being sad, I don't know.

"You don't know how hard it is to be constantly ignored just because I'm what? I'm deviant. But it's me. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. It's worse than suicide. That's why I keep acting like an asshole...it's frustrating when you're not allowed to be yourself just because the world doesn't like it. I can't please everybody. You gave another person another chance...what makes me different?"

Silence. I then took it as my cue to leave...but I wasn't going anywhere without saying my final piece.

"Just because I act like I don't like you that much doesn't mean that I don't consider you as my friend."

She was stunned. I don't think she really understood why I felt this way, but I wasn't too sure either. I decided to walk away; she probably wasn't going to say anything. I knew she didn't really like me and this was the way it was probably meant to be.

"Wait." I heard her call out with hesitation but in a calm tone.

"What is it?" I awaited another cold response.

She was silent again but put her book down beside her and raised herself from where she had been comfortably settled. Shuffling over, she sat down beside me and leaned her head on my shoulder and I could feel that she was smiling.

"I know. Thanks."