Nixamour

Today in North America the word 'divorce' is no longer something needed to be spelled out. Hundreds of couples are realizing something that should have been noted long before the term 'divorce' every existed: Love does not exist. Now, this comment sparks outrage in many people I have deemed 'Saps', but if they took the time to see the facts, they would agree with my theory. 'Love' is a word we as humans have tortured tirelessly, but if we realize that it isn't anything at all, we may begin to see how life could be infinitely better than how we live today. By changing our goals, we may get around the difficulties of so-called love, and move on to greater things. This theory is called Nixamour, after the French, and can be explained in three simple points.

My first point would be the most obvious one, that everyone in the world is meant to be single. Since the beginning of time we have been evolving into intelligent beings, capable of extraordinary things. However, this process of intelligence always seems to get postponed due to the irrational psychological dementia called 'love'. If everyone were single, it could be said that our intelligence would jump dramatically due to stimulation in things other than the opposite sex, as we are so apt to do. If we were supposed to be coupled with someone of the opposite sex (or of the same sex, as it is becoming clear that homosexuality is becoming a lifestyle for many), then the process of finding a mate would be less difficult than it has become. Humans have made the system of mating one based on feelings, rather than the way it should be, which is choosing the one best suited to produce healthy, intelligent children with greater minds than ourselves. It is perfectly possible now a days, due to genetics and our technology, to produce a child while still maintaining singleness and focusing on optimum intellectual development.

Focus is the second key to the theory of Nixamour. However, focus is something seemingly difficult to curb, especially since human beings have developed hormones that control feelings and thoughts and actions. The solution for this problem is simple. Since females go through stages of extreme hormonal dysfunction, the only solution is chocolate. Chocolate, as scientists have discovered, is an excellent way of getting women to forget the opposite sex, possibly hate them, and still continue to think and function normally. For men, we have created sports and beer. While these stimulants are still being tested, they have been known to distract the male species from the opposite sex. The only slight glitch would be that men have extremely short attention spans, and therefore would need several stimulants for the process to work completely.

Finally, let us note that world would be a much safer place without the constraints of Love. The fact that this emotion, this thing, has been bounced around and tossed about like a used chew toy is somewhat disgusting. Over half of the world's deaths, robberies, and unscrupulous behavior can be, in some way, linked back to love. If we were rid of it, there would be an extreme drop in sex crimes and crimes of passion all over the world. Women would be able to produce intelligent children and not be afraid of males harassing them or interfering with their lives. Men would be able to focus on other things and ultimately create technology that could save the rest of the world. Each side of the species would gain ultimate happiness and live in unity at the same time while maintaining boundaries and singleness.

The theory, in all reality, would only be able to work if everyone were focused on the same goal. Not everyone, of course, will be affected by the stimulants given, and therefore there will be some violators. However, for those who choose to avoid the stimulants and continue in their Love practices, they will be found and jettisoned to the moon to start gender-separate monastic penal colonies. There they will be equipped with stimulants so that at the end of their sentencing, they will be released and adjust to life normally as the rest of the world, focusing on the evolution of intelligence and the human species as a whole.

Nixamour, I believe, is the best alternative for Love, since true love does not exist. There are so many difficulties with marriage, divorce, relationships, etc, that the world has lost its focus on evolving into the ultimate race. Though it will take time to integrate, I believe that Nixamour was meant for the world today and will be highly successful.

[A/N: yes, I know this is the most cynical thing about love I've ever written, but it was so fun I just couldn't help myself. Plus, this counted for English and I got an A+ just because when I read it everyone thought I was serious (I guess it just says something about me) Thanx for reading!]